Journey to Health, Volume V

May 2016 -- May 2018

In honor of our anniversary this past weekend, I thought I’d share a quick update on our health journey. 

Together, we have lost 140 pounds… 140 POUNDS!!!

We got our mind right and got to it!  No harmful pills, no special food, no lifelong commitments to expensive programs and supplements loaded with toxins, no pre-packaged flavorless (or disgusting flavor) food… We made a decision to better our health, not for our looks, but for our wellbeing. Does it feel great to look better? Absolutely! But again, and as I’ve said before, it wasn’t about that. It’s not about being a certain size or a certain weight. It’s about feeling our best to be our best for each other, our children, our friends and family, our business and anyone we can serve throughout the rest of our life.

And for those of you who want to throw the “but you had surgery” card. You are right, I did. It was a tool that assisted me in my journey almost 2  years ago.  My mind-set was right long before I had the surgery and it has to remain set in this place forever or I will be right back where I started. The surgery isn’t keeping me from gaining the weight back, my mind is keeping me from it. As I mention in Journey to Health, Volume I, I lost quite  a bit of weight before having the surgery and contemplated cancelling it. I’m thankful I didn’t, as that would have been a lot of wasted money as it was already paid for, it has been a good tool in my journey.

I need to be very clear (as I’ve mentioned in my other Journey to Health posts), I’m not judging you if you’ve chosen to go with a program. They simply are not for me. Before I was educated on toxins and harmful products, I tried them (so many that I lost count). I lost weight, didn’t improve my mind set, and gained it back. Jeff too. Over and over and over again. It’s my opinion that this is how the programs work and unfortunately we’ve seen it time and time again.  That said, I loudly applaud anyone for choosing to take control of their health and wanting to make a change, even if that means using a program. It’s not easy to lose weight and make healthy choices all the time, especially with busy schedules, working full time, other activities, etc. I seriously applaud anyone who makes the decision to change bad habits to form new ones. I love hearing people’s stories and how they came from a dark place from unhealthy habits and have found a renewed love for life because of healthier habits. Being healthier is life changing in itself. When we eat healthy, we have more energy, we sleep better, we are not bitter or angry, we have a more patience during frustrating situations (like losing majority electronics in home from lightning) and a more positive outlook on everything.

Over a year ago, Jeff started a gym in the garage of our home. He initially started training a few high school boys, Jayden, Kiarra and some of her friends. It soon morphed into Jeff’s friends coming, several people from church and then neighbors joined as well. Some nights, he has 12+ people training with him and other nights there may only be 1 additional person… and some nights he works out solo.  He has made a decision to become healthy and I’m so proud of him for his commitment to his health, the health of our family and our friends.  If he sees you, he IS going to talk to you about coming over for workout!!  Run, just run!!  haha, just kidding. Although I’m impressed with his workout habits, I’m more impressed with the changes he’s made to his diet. He is eating more and more vegetables and fewer carbs. We still have traditional spaghetti and other carbs (who can live without carbs anyway) from time to time but he’s choosing to eat less of the bad stuff and more of the good stuff. I changed the way I cook and we are eating out less and less (like hardly ever these days). Since I’m cooking healthier, we are all healthier.  Shhhh, don’t tell Jayden I put broccoli in the last burgers I made with ground turkey (haha, just kidding. Although I wish J would eat more veggies, I don't actually believe in hiding foods from kids (or anyone) to get them to eat them).  Do we still indulge in a chocolate chip cookie, or a scoop of ice cream from time to time, YES, we do, and that is ok! 

I am excited to jump back into working out as well. I was really good about it last year and then fell off the bandwagon during the time of Kiarra graduating high school (as in a year and a half ago).  A friend and I were walking a few times a week this spring (and then it got too hot, we are wusses in the heat) and that not only helped to get in a little exercise, it more importantly helped to de-stress. Simply talking to a friend and sharing burdens (while walking) is very therapeutic.  Since I’ve mostly been working from home all summer, I have not been as active as I normally am and the scale was up a couple of pounds. I’m not happy about this and certainly not proud of it. I literally sit here at my desk, all day long. The kitchen is 15 feet away, the toilet is 15 feet away, I’m just not getting in the steps I used to get when going to the office each day. Walking from my car to my desk in my office is probably 1,000 steps and currently I’m lucky if I have 1,000 steps at the end of my work day. I’m eager to get back into lifting weights (small ones) and running again.  I LOVE running. It’s very therapeutic for me and I always have the best days after I run.

This health journey we are on started years ago. When I was pregnant with Taryn, I learned for the first time what eating healthy looked like. I’ve mentioned before that I growing up we ate fried food, a ton of boxed food loaded with chemicals, frozen meals like they were going out of style and drank tons and tons of soda. I don’t fault my Mom for this, she did everything she could to put food on the table for us. I was (and still am) addicted to sugar. I’ve been reading many books and articles throughout the years about how bad sugar, processed food and chemicals are for us yet I ignored and had the horrible mind set of “we are going to die anyway”. This all changed when I realized I could take control of our health and the toxic load intake for me and my family. Now that we have lowered our toxic load intake from many things in our home (cleaning supplies, laundry soap, hand soap, toothpaste, mouthwash, deodorant, face wash, OTC  medication, removal of candles, etc.), we are all feeling better, breathing better and really are living the best life we can live. Do we have bigger goals and dreams, YES!!  We have many more goals and dreams. We don’t get sick as often as we used to and this is a dream come true of its own. Is this a coincidence?? I think not!  We are using essential oils to not only support our needs to stay healthy but to also restore our health when we are feeling a certain way.  I never ever thought a drop of oil would be so powerful and so life changing. I prayed for years about a healthier lifestyle, trying product after product, program after program. I didn’t even really know I was dreaming and praying for a solution until it came knocking on my door.

I am thrilled to be on this journey and you know what, I am thrilled that Jeff is on it with me. He was super skeptical about oils at first (as was I). He wouldn’t really have anything to do with them until he got the flu (almost 2 years ago). Ha, I’ll show you Mr. flu bug!  I put a protocol together for him and was applying them topically every 3-4 hours, giving him oils in a veggie cap to take internally and diffusing constantly. This type of illness usually takes people down for a week (if not longer), but not in my house. We zapped it!  Poof, be gone!!  Last week when we were in Utah, 5,000 feet above sea level, smokey air from fires blazing nearby and super dry air, Jeff started to feel some sinus pressure and was sneezing every 5 minutes. He was not feeling his best but didn’t want to miss out on the amazing day ahead.  I lubed him up and we started our day. Around 4 pm, he was tired and feeling like he should lay down. He decided to miss the last 2 hours of convention that day and go back to the hotel. I told him exactly what to take and what to apply… When I returned after the day with my brand new convention kit that contained all of the new oils, my friend and I had him try two of the new ones. He went back to bed and we went to the street party.  The next day he was feeling so MUCH better. He wasn’t 100% but he was certainly better. He attended convention with me, as well as our team party.  By the following day, he was 100%.  Had we not of had these amazing oils, we would have resorted to OTC medication, full of junk with more side effects than effectiveness. We love our oils!

We celebrated our 19^th anniversary this past weekend and I’m grateful to have this man by my side.. walking hand in hand and enjoying life together…dreaming about our future and living our life to the fullest.

Sending Her Off To College

Today, my first born, Kiarra starts college. A new journey and an experience that will forever change her life…one that will forever change mine as well. Over the past 2 months, we began accumulating things for her to take to college. The bigger the pile got the more real it became. I’ve been thinking about this moment for 18 years. How will I manage without my side kick? We have done life together for almost 19 years. Have I prepared her for being away? Have I done enough? Taught her enough? Prayed enough? Listened enough? 

Last week, we packed up the cars and drove her to the apartment that will be her home for the next 5 months. I rode with her so we could talk and spend time together yet I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t believe this time had come. How did these years go by so fast? Last year, we thought she’d be here for two more years attending community college but just as I wrote in my blog, When He speaks, we listen, those plans changed. On one hand I was incredibly happy and thrilled for her and on the other I was sad for me, Jeff and the kids. Life as we know it will no longer be the same. We have a lot of fun as a family. We love to play games and be silly, bake, cook and have water fights. She almost always goes to the store with me (literally my side kick) and we just love being weird.  I have faith that life will only get better, be better and I truly know this is where she is meant to be.

We arrived before lunch and check in was a breeze. She got the keys to her place and we stopped by to see if her roommates were there. Unfortunately they were not, but many other girls were around and came out to say hi. She was immediately welcomed with open arms. We went and had lunch and then headed back to her place to unload, unpack to get her settled in. Her roommates were there when we returned and they were so nice and welcoming. They are both a few years older and are in their 2^nd and 3^rd year. Saying I felt a sense of relief is a complete understatement of how I felt. I was overjoyed with how sweet, kind, compassionate and caring these girls were. Kiarra immediately had two big sisters looking out for her best interest.

The girls had to go to work, so we sent Jeff to the store and began unpacking and getting her settled. We really do make a good team, we had most of the stuff done before Jeff returned (we may have asked him to hit up Starbucks while he was out). Making the bed was seriously the hardest thing we had to do (top bunk).We laughed and had a great time getting everything organized. Before he returned from the store, we already had a list of other things she needed.  We finished up and then headed back to the store and then to dinner. I was delaying as much as humanly possible. We took her back to her place, unloaded and unpacked the things we had purchased and we said our good-byes for the night.

I was feeling great. I thought to myself “I can do this, that wasn’t so bad”…

The following morning, we went to her place to finish up. We didn’t have a planned agenda for the day and we didn’t have a set time to leave so I was THRILLED when she said she wanted to go shopping to get some sweaters (quite cold up there right now) and a couple other things she thought of.  YESSS… more of a delay and more time with my girl!!  We hit up a humongous Old Navy and a few other stores close by and then had lunch. 

The day flew by and it quickly became time to say good-bye. I thought I was good. We had a great day, I was feeling a little sad to say good-bye but felt I had it together…

We hugged and laughed and said our good-byes. Jeff hugged her and I felt something in my chest. My heart was pounding…. It started racing and chills ran through my entire body. We walked out without shedding a tear… and then we got to the car. We barely made it out of the parking lot when the tears started rolling. I couldn’t stop them. I thought I was ok. I was not ok. The tears would stop for a moment and I’d think I have it together and then my eyes would just start gushing again. I couldn’t get them under control.  My heart was hurting; at times it felt like daggers were stabbing me. I cried the whole way home, stopping long enough to get in a 30 minute nap.

I knew I would be sad, and I knew I’d cry. I just didn’t know I’d literally feel the heartache I felt that day. Even though I know she is in a great place and is going to flourish and do wonderful things, it doesn’t change the pain I felt in my heart knowing she’s not home each night and not under my roof.

Here we are, a week later and although I’ve had a little melt down each day, the pain in my heart has completely turned to joy and I cherish each text, snapchat, and call I receive from her. Am I still sad? Yes!  Do I miss her? Yes!!  But, I have a sense of peace each time she crosses my mind that reminds me “He’s got this”.  It also helps that her roommates have taken her under their wing began pouring into her on day one. They set goals their first night together, prayed together and have taken her with them to campus events and around the city. I’m grateful to God for these young ladies! Seriously, so grateful and so thankful!

Well I thought  that was the end of my post. I’ve been writing this for weeks, mostly in my head, but finally got it in writing late last week. Then, yesterday morning, one of the members in the band shared a message he received from the Lord. He said “Church, God has been preparing you for 18 years for this moment…” I initially took it as if he was talking to our pastor but as I sat there taking it all in, I’m quite positive that message was directly for Jeff and I. It was exactly what I needed to hear. It’s true, we have been preparing for this moment for 18 years. Was I ready?  No! But we have been fervently preparing her for this moment. From getting her first tooth at 2.5 months old, to walking at 8 months, to her first day of kindergarten, first sleepover, first day of Junior High and High school to her first job, driving and gaining some independence to her last day of high school, we have raised her in the way we want her to go.  Throughout every first, every good day, every bad day and all the days in-between, we have done our best to instill in her the principles we believe to be truth. Have we always been perfect? Nope. Has she made mistakes and departed from our teaching? Yep. Each time we have picked up from where we fell and we have moved forward with God leading our path. We had an extra 5 months with her to prepare her for this next first in her life…her very first day of college, today.  We love you Kiarra!

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him, and he will act. Psalm 37:5

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. John 14:27

A Letter to My Daughter Before She Goes to College

Well…here we are, just a few days away from taking you to college.  Where have the years gone?? A bittersweet day for sure. For the past 18 years (almost 19), it’s been my job to protect you. The time has come… A brand new chapter in your life, a new experience for you. I’m going to miss you, a lot, but I can’t wait to see what the Lord has in store for you.  You are going to grow deeper in your faith and in your walk with the Lord. You’ll experience new things and meet new friends. You’ll have times of joy and laughter and times of sadness and sorrow. Through each experience; the good, the bad and the ugly, praise Him. Praise HIM!! Praise Him through each happy moment and through each storm. He will hold your hand and guide your path. He’ll wipe your tears in the sad times and will smile with you during the joyous times. He will always be with you.

As I drive away and you feel the sense of independence, there is something I want you to remember. As my firstborn, you had my heart first. My whole heart. I didn’t know I was capable of loving another child because I loved you so much. Independence is a great thing but it can also be scary. Be careful. Guard your heart. Lean not on your own understanding. Don’t be afraid to call and ask us for guidance. Always remember the principles we’ve instilled in you. Make good choices.  Learn from your mistakes. Study hard. Have fun!

When you miss me, and I know you will, call me! Text me!  FaceTime me! (I better see your name come up on my phone a lot!!)  Seriously, anytime of the day or night, if you need anything please do NOT hesitate to reach out to us. You are never too grown or too old to need your Mom. Yes, I said it. Mom. M-O-M, Mom.

I know you have to go, but I have a brilliant idea… sleep in and skip class so you fail and have to move home!!  We can get you your job back at TSA (hee-hee)!!  Although I’m only half joking, I really do want you to succeed. You are an incredibly beautiful young lady with an even more beautiful heart and soul. I’m incredibly proud of you for listening to the Lord and being obedient to His calling for you. You will be blessed by this obedience.

You are a blessing to me, our family, and so many others. I Love You Kiarra!

Medical Emergencies

One year ago, we had quite a scare in our family. In my Journey to Health Volume II blog, I mentioned that on Day 16 I had a great check-up and was ecstatic but then things took a turn for the worse, but it didn’t have anything to do with me and had everything to do with Kiarra and my brother, Talan.

Kiarra had her wisdom teeth removed on December 28, 2016.  She was swollen as one would expect, and we have some pretty hilarious video coverage of that day, but all went well and she was recovering nicely. Once it was time to go back to school, she did and was feeling ok.  She had her two week check-up with the surgeon and everything was good. He said she was healing perfectly and she could resume normal activities.

Just two days later, Friday (the 13^th) morning, she woke up swollen and in major pain. I called the surgeon and sure enough they wanted me to bring her in.  Kiarra was so worried about missing work that she didn’t initially want to go back to the doctor. Once we got there, the doctor had one quick look at her and told me they had to take her into surgery immediately to open her back up and get the infection out.  They whisked her away and the nurse handed me a bunch of paperwork to sign. Because she had eaten yogurt and drank some things earlier that morning, I was basically signing her life away. I signed papers that I wouldn’t sue them if something happened to her while under anaesthesia since she didn’t have an empty stomach. Then, more papers to approve resuscitation if need be… and of course all the regular papers you have to sign when agreeing to surgery. It all happened so fast, I didn’t have time to think, I just signed away. I asked the nurse for reassurance, but they couldn’t give me any (for obvious reasons). With a heavy heart, I went to the waiting room.

I no longer sat down to take a deep breathe and to call Jeff with an update when I got a call from my Mom.  She was sobbing on the other end of the phone and I could barely understand a word she was saying. All I heard was “pray for your brother, he’s not breathing”. And then silence. She was driving through the hills in Iowa and had no service. I was frantically trying to get a hold of her, and just lost it and started sobbing myself. One of the sweet nurses from the surgeon’s office came out to console me, thinking I was upset about Kiarra (which I was, but this wasn’t just about her). I quickly explained that I was ok, and that I wasn’t upset about Kiarra, but something else in regard to a phone call I had just received. 1. She didn’t believe me.  2. I know both situations is what caused my meltdown. 3. I was still moving a bit slow as I was still recovering from surgery as well (and on day 16 of not taking hormone medication... which was a disaster in itself).

I got a hold of Jeff, still crying,  he thinks I’m upset about Kiarra (which I am) but barely got a few words out when my Mom called me back. I had to hang up on him to talk with her…she briefly updated me and said he was now in an ambulance but wasn’t breathing when they got to the ambulance and also had no blood pressure…

I finally got to update Jeff and soon after, Kiarra was finished and the surgeon was ready to talk to me. He said he has been doing this for over 30 years and has never seen an infection this bad and escalate this quickly (remember, he just saw her two days prior to this and everything seemed to be good). He said he has definitely had some cases where infections happened but mostly dry sockets or something minor. He only remembered two other cases that were quite extreme where he had to go back in and open someone up in this emergency type of situation but neither had the infection this bad. He had this look on his face that I’ll never forget. A deep look of concern, almost as if he was scared. It was a look of compassion yet fear.  He had JUST seen her in his office two days ago and she was healing perfectly.  Mind you, I was also internally freaking out about my brother so my mind was all over the place. He told me all the signs to watch for in the case he didn’t get it all out. He told me she was MAJORLY swollen and that it would only get worse within the next few days. He gave me the emergency number to reach him if anything transpired over the weekend.  The nurse gave me additional aftercare instructions and I was able to take her home. When he told me that she was majorly swollen, I was expecting the same amount of swelling that she had after having her wisdom teeth out. I was shocked when I saw her. She was almost unrecognizable. It looked as if she had a softball in her cheek (and she was highly medicated). It immediately brought tears to my eyes (thankfully I had sunglasses on). This trip home was not as fun as the trip two weeks prior. The first trip was full of a very hilarious Kiarra acting like ET while driving a race car and wanting me to slow down so we didn’t get pulled over by the cops (I was only going 2 mph over the speed limit).  This trip was brutal. At first we couldn’t get her in the car, she would not stand up from the wheel chair and was just in so much pain.  More pain than I’ve ever seen her in! She was crying hysterically, confused, mad and again soooo worried about her job. She gave me the same look she gave me as a young child when she’d get those stupid shots… the look of “save me…why are you doing this to me”.  It was awful. I was driving and trying so hard to be strong for her, holding her hand and telling her it was going to be ok but about half way home, I lost it. That was even more confusing for her. Thankfully we don’t live that far, and I was able to get it together. As all this is happening, my phone is blowing up with texts from my family in Iowa either with information on Talan or wanting information on Kiarra.

We got home, Jeff helped me get her settled, get oils applied and then I was able to take a deep breathe.

I called my Mom and she gave me the update… Talan was alive but only after being resuscitated two times. He and my nephew were out and about doing somethings when he began having an asthma attack. My nephew drove him as fast as he could to meet up with an ambulance and when they got to the ambulance, he could not breathe. The ambulance took him to the local hospital and they couldn’t get a blood pressure and began to lose him. They had to resuscitate. This hospital took him to another, larger, hospital in the city where at some point they had to resuscitate again.  Finally, they managed to stabilize and get a ventilator in him. He was in a coma but stable and resting allowing his lungs to heal. His daughter, just 20 years old, was called in to make decisions. My Mom, Teige & Kathy, and my nephews were there as well. I text our life group, our pastors and our amazing prayer warrior friends and we all began to pray for him.

Kiarra didn’t want anyone around her and didn’t want anyone to see her. My heart broke, it was so hard seeing her in so much pain. All you Moms how I’m feeling here, it is extremely hard to see our children in pain. She was taking the pain medication and we were applying oils that support infection and pain but the swelling was just so much. She finally looked at herself and was shocked. She wept. The doctor said it would take weeks for this swelling to go down. Our sweet young pastor came by with dinner for us and prayed with us. Harvey came as well; he held her hand and comforted her. She slept a lot.

It was a very scary 24 hours for both Kiarra and Talan. I received an update on Talan mid-morning and his lungs were stronger and they said they’d remove the ventilator if he continued to improve, praise the LORD. Mid-afternoon, the ventilator was out and he was breathing well, talking and being his typical goofball self. He was still in ICU and was being so ornery that they kept getting into trouble from the nurses for being too loud. He had everyone cracking up.  It wasn’t long and he went from being on the ventilator to being released. Someone who had just been resuscitated twice within the past 24 hours was now free to go home. Mind blowing to me. But, that’s God. He is so good, always!

Kiarra was not doing so well. The swelling was only getting bigger. The pain was unbearable. She had homework and was still so worried about her job. I text her boss and told her she wouldn’t be there for at least week and they were so understanding. That helped ease her mind a bit.  She returned to school, thankfully she had late arrival and early dismissal so she didn’t have to be there all day every day. After a couple of days, the swelling in Kiarra’s face started to go down and she had a full recovery. It took a full 3 months for it go down completely but it did and she’s doing great!

Although we don’t always get along, Talan is an important person in my life and I can’t imagine him not being here. This was a scary situation and I’m so glad they were able to save him and he was able to recover…now if he’d just take care of his asthma daily instead of when he just has flare ups… that’s another blog for another time. :)

Journey to Health, Volume IV

It has been one year today since my surgery and 18 months since I made the final decision to take charge of my life and my health. I have no regrets!! Like I’ve said in my other updates, I have more energy than I’ve had in years. I enjoy going out with my husband and family. I love taking pictures again. I have a new confidence that I didn’t know I could have. I look back at pictures and barely recognize myself, especially since some of them were just last year. There are days it seems like it’s been forever since I started this new journey and yet other days it seems like it’s only been a few months. I lost a part of my identity when I gained so much weight and am so happy to have found me again...  A transformation that has me putting the past right where it belongs. I’m closer to the Lord now that I can hear from Him and follow the path he has set before me instead of hearing the lies of the enemy. It’s a path I have ignored and turned from for so long because I believed the lies and was insecure.

I really am happy with where I am today. Although I’ve plateaued for the past 6 months, I am completely ok with that. I lost a lot of weight in a short amount of time and my body has been adjusting to all the changes (90 pounds in about 6 months). My mind is still adjusting to the changes. When I feel hungry, I sometimes still put more food on my plate than what I can eat. I’m still cautious about eating in front of others, wondering if they are judging me (I’m working hard to overcome this). I have thought about the possibility of stretching out my stomach and becoming obese again and that is terrifying. I have to continue this mind-set of staying healthy because I’m out of options. It really is all about the mind. The pill popping/shake drinking/you must eat our food programs are only temporary and never worked for me. They’d temporarily work but never long term. Matter of fact, I don’t know one person that they’ve worked for long term. As soon as the products and food are stopped, the weight comes creeping back, sometimes fast and furious and sometimes slowly. And don't even get me started with the programs that claim to be all natural but are loaded with artificial ingredients and synthetic garbage. It's an unregulated market and these companies can say anything they want to get you to take their products. It sure would be wonderful if there was a magic pill/program for obesity, but there is not. It really is a mind-set and one that is very hard to maintain. Stress and boredom are the top reasons for weight gain. Who can escape stress?  There are times I don’t feel stressed but know that I am because of everything going on in our life. I’m also very grateful that I have essential oils to combat stress and every other ailment I have, I don’t know where I’d be today with these oils. They really have helped me maintain a clear mind and get to where I am today.  And no, this isn’t a pitch on the oils; I just must give credit where credit is due. I use oils daily for health and wellness and use specific ones on the days I’m stressed, sad or just need a boost in energy. I LOVE my oils! As for boredom, I don't know many people who are bored but from what I read, it's the reason people eat so much so we'll go with that. Thinking about it, I have definitely eaten when I've been bored.

Let me be clear, I’m not pushing surgery. It has helped me in my journey but again it really is a mind-set. I survived Christmas 2016 on liquids only. I didn’t take one bite of real food for weeks and contemplated cancelling it all together. I wouldn’t be where I am today without the change in how I think about food and what I choose to put in my mouth. I don’t always make the right decisions, I let coke slip back into my life and have to consciously decide daily if I want to drink it or not. I LOVE coke, absolutely love it, but also know it’s extremely bad. The sugar alone is just ridiculous (but oh so good). I also know exactly what I need to do to rid myself of the cravings for Coke (one drop of Lemon oil in a shot of water twice a day). I’ve had entirely too many scotch-a-roos and pretzel/rolo/M&M things the past 5 days – TOOO MANY! But, I somehow managed to not gain a single pound during the holiday, actually I'm a pound less today that when we arrived in Iowa 5 days ago. Where I failed with the yummy, chocolaty, caramel pretzel goodness, I made up for it with my meals and ensured healthy veggies and protein were on my plate (and a little bit of jello salad goodness).  

BTW - Have you noticed my husband?? He is down 40 pounds!! He has changed the way he eats and has continued to work out (he heads up a crew of workout peeps at our home 3 times a week). He takes a couple of essential oils each day to help with his appetite and has also changed his mind-set.  He is consciously making really good choices on what he eats. I’m super proud of him.

Our entire family has become healthier since I made the choice to take charge of my health. Kiarra has become vegetarian and I’m so proud of her and the choices she has made to get healthy as well. Now if we can just get Jayden and Taryn to eat a few more veggies....it's a work in progress.

My advice is simple. Research. Research. Research. Google is the most wonderful tool and it's always right at our fingertips, you can find anything and everything out there. There will be lots of information, some good, some bad and of course lots of opinions (just like my opinion above, it's my opinion).  Not everything you read will be accurate, so you have to dig and read the good and the bad and then weigh your options to make the best decision for you and your family. If you are going to use a product, make sure it has undergone 3rd party testing and is truly natural (using one that is full of artificial gunk may help you lose weight but then you are damaging your health in other ways). And please, do not pick a pill or a program because it makes you lose weight the fastest, we all know how those turn out. It's better to make wise eating choices and lose slow than to lose super fast. And yes, I am aware that I lost the second half of my weight super fast. It wasn't good but the alternative for me was far worse. As I've written in my previous blogs about my journey, I researched, spent time with nutritionists and doctors, prayed about it a lot (for years) and made the best choice for me. Once you get your mind-set right, you will be able to accomplish anything you set your mind to!

Just as I said in my last update, if you are suffering with your appearance and/or weight, please reach out to me. I can’t wave a magic wand and fix anything but I will certainly listen, encourage and be a friend you can confide in. 

ps – If you are currently on journey to better health, I am extremely proud of you and will support and cheer you on. Anything anyone does to better their life and their health is something to be very proud of. It’s a big step to take and one I don't take lightly. As women, we need to build each other up and support one another especially when it comes to our health and appearance. It's important to have an accountability partner who you love and trust but who will also be brutally honest with you.

A HUGE thank you to my husband, my children and all my family and friends who have supported me during this time. The countless texts, FB messages, and words of encouragement have been extremely helpful and I greatly appreciate it. 

Journey to Health, Volume III

One year ago, I was meeting with a nutritionist every three weeks as part of my journey to a healthier lifestyle.  If someone would have told me last year that I’d be where I am today, I wouldn’t have believed them. Matter of fact, I likely would have called them a liar and been upset for false hope.  You see, I was told for years by multiple doctors that I’d never lose the weight, and unfortunately I truly believed that.  I never thought I’d be able to be healthy again. I was extremely insecure and believed what they told me. I’ve believed doctors for years, even far before my weight gain.  Even back to when I was 16 years old and they wanted to perform a hysterectomy on me because of all the problems I had with cysts and fibroids. They told me I’d never have children and that I’d have problems the rest of my life.  Well, here I am, 3 beautiful (birth) children later. The more I think about it, the more I despise doctors, the medical field and the FDA. Before you get all crazy on me, hear me out. I get it, doctors are necessary, they save lives and can treat some illness. They repair broken bones and often go above and beyond to help their patients. Keep in mind, I am currently still under the care of several doctors. I am very grateful for SO MANY doctors throughout the years who have performed surgery on my husband, my children and me for broken bones, tumors, gall bladders… the list goes on and on! I am grateful for the doctors/therapists who helped me through a time of grief after my father passed away and for the ones who believed in me that I could one day be healthy again.  I’m also very upset with some doctors who took extreme measures and jumped into surgery when there were alternate options (and no one will convince me that this wasn’t due to having great insurance).  If I only knew then what I know now… J

Where am I today…

I’ve maintained my weight loss over the past 3 months. The scale will fluctuate a pound, or three, every few days but I’ve not lost any significate amount in a couple of months. This is actually good!  I’ve lost a total of 90 pounds. My body has also caught up with the weight loss so although I haven’t been losing weight, I was still losing inches. I am completely comfortable with where I am in my progress. I’d honestly be content if I didn’t lose another pound. Just the fact that I can go outside and play ball with my son, run (jog) a few miles or go up 3 flights of stairs without DYING, I am happy with where I am. I don’t have a specific goal to reach when it comes to my weight, my goal was simply to feel better, have more energy and feel comfortable in my own skin again. And, I do! I’ve gained back some confidence and feel comfortable leaving the house again.

Being overweight for the past five years changed my identity. I hid behind my kids in pictures (and now realize how stupid I look in all of them, hiding behind a kid… as if people really couldn’t see how large I was) and didn’t like social settings unless I was in my own home.  Prior to being overweight I LOVED going out with friends, traveling, going out to eat and taking the kids anywhere they wanted to go (within reason of course).  I have also always loved being home; I just love the comfort of my own home, having friends over for BBQs, Crawfish Boils, Chili cook-offs, or to simply hang out while the children play.  However, when I got to the point of not wanting to leave the house, because of my insecurities of constantly feeling judged I became a prisoner in my own home. It’s not fun. It causes unnecessary anxiety and additional health problems. I know I don’t need the world’s approval of my appearance and I know I don’t need validation from any human. I know who I get my validation from! Have I always? NO! Am I proud of that? Absolutely Not!  I am growing in my relationship with Him just like the next person.  I could go down a deep rabbit hole here... Let's leave it with my new favorite saying... Don’t let your circumstance dictate your future!

If you are suffering with your appearance and/or weight, please reach out to me. I can’t wave a magic wand and fix anything but I will certainly listen, encourage and be a friend who you can confide in.

When He speaks, we listen…

In my last blog, Kiarra has Graduated, I shared a link to Kiarra’s testimony (if you have not watched her testimony, I encourage you to watch it – it’s pretty incredible I must say) where she shared her plans for college. ‘HER’ plans for college!  Well, her plans and my plans were pretty much aligned. We talked about it quite often and I was thrilled that she was going to be staying home for two year to attend a local community college. Not only because I wanted here but because she wanted to be here as well. For reasons like, watching her siblings grow up, serving in church and saving money while she figured out what she really wanted for her future.

The week of June 19^th, she and 20+ other youth from our church headed to Dallas for YFN (the same camp she talks about in her testimony—seriously, go watch it).  Throughout the week, she heard from the Lord that she should give up her plans and walk with Him in all ways and that includes college. The plans He has for her future.  Kiarra came back from camp beaming from ear to ear. She shared with us that evening the plans He has for her that she will attend Christ for the Nations Institute (CFNI) in Dallas. Because I was in a room of several people I held my composure and kept it together. I mean, I can’t be mad that He wants her to attend a bible college. Who can argue or even be mad with that? I do wish I would have been told privately instead of in a room with other kids and adults but the message was loud and clear and I know it was beneficial for others to hear this as well. If there had been time before hand, I know she would have shared it with us prior to sharing in the larger group.

So many amazing blessings and life changes came out of that camp. Over 1000 kids are in attendance each week of this camp. They have time for worship, time for games and amazing messages each day.  Then, each night the kids from our church and the leaders that accompanied then, all gathered and shared their experiences from the day. Lives were saved, futures were determined and their love for the Lord is now stronger than ever.

Being prepared for this moment

As Kiarra was sharing what He had revealed to her at camp, I felt an overwhelming sense of calm. The Lord had been preparing me for this for the past year.  Last year after camp, our youth pastor shared some things with me and from that moment, my heart began to prepare for this time. Over the past year, I asked Kiarra no less than 3 times about going away to college. I asked “are you sure you don’t want to be a youth pastor?”  “Are you sure you don’t want to be a children’s pastor?” “Are you sure you don’t want to be a worship pastor?”  Each time, I’d get a little giggle out of her with a solid NO!  I don’t believe I alone held my composure when she revealed this to us, I KNOW He had prepared me for this time. Had I of known these plans prior to graduation, I wouldn’t have been able to enjoy that day as I would have been an emotional mess. Knowing then that she would be staying home for two years (possibly more) gave me a sense of peace as I knew I wasn’t moving her out of the house in 3 months. I was able to enjoy graduation and her party because I knew she wasn’t leaving home for a few years. I can 100% understand how Moms are so upset during graduation and as they prepare to send their children off to college. It’s sad, it’s hard, and it’s now my reality.  Although I felt prepared to hear those words, I wasn’t prepared for the tears I’d shed later that night. Everything hit me at once. I thought I had 2 more years to pour into her, protect her and walk alongside her and now that was being ripped right out from under me. Taryn had a total melt down and I struggled to comfort her as I couldn’t contain the tears myself. We hugged and we cried and we wiped each others tears. I was awake most of the night, crying and thinking…and crying more. I prayed and I cried and I prayed more. I’m not sad for her, I’m sad for me. Selfishly sad.  I am extremely proud of her and so happy for what her future has in store. I'm going to miss her, a piece of my heart is leaving. I would think "is this it?" "Is this the last time she'll live with us?"  I already have my answer to that...and I'm satisfied with it.

So now what?

She received a very clear message during camp that she is to begin CFNI in January. She thought about attending community college this fall but that would simply be a waste of time and money as none of the credits would transfer (nothing to transfer to).  She will continue working at TSA this fall and will God willing, will begin at CFNI in January 2018.  She is fulling allowing Him to lead her path on this (how cool is that – I’m seriously learning so much from this girl). She doesn’t know which program she’ll complete as she’s waiting for that to be revealed to her. They have 3 year bachelor programs and all classes are chosen for the students their first year. Harvey, Kiarra’s boyfriend, will leave for basic training in August. I believe the Lord has called her to CFNI in January so she’ll be home to see him off in addition to needing our support during that time.

To finish this puzzle... CFNI is the college that puts on the camp she has attended the past two year, Youth for the Nations (YFN). Next summer, she will get to be part of this camp and leading others to Christ.. (talk about goose bumps!).

Sooo… out with Lone Star Community College and in with CFNI!!

Kiarra has Graduated

Kinder Graduation

High School Graduation

A quick snap of the fingers and just like that my first born, Kiarra Jayde, graduated high school.

I know, it’s so cliché to say “they grow up so fast” but they do! I remember walking this beautiful little girl with long brown curly hair into Kindergarten on her very first day of school as if it were just a few weeks ago. Then the milestone of graduating elementary and going into a large Jr High School. How would she navigate and find all her classes, would she be able to get in and out of her locker without problems, would she see the wrath of mean girls and experience drama? We moved before her 8^th grade year and she had to attend a different Jr High School where she didn’t anyone. From there it was onto High School, a school that is 1/3 mile in length and just absolutely massive.  Brand new, so no Juniors or Seniors on campus but non the less, massive.  Again, would she see the wrath of mean girls, or start drinking or doing drugs??

The years flew by, friends came and went. She’s encountered some really hard times but has come through stronger as a woman and in her faith. Had it not of been for those hard times, she wouldn’t be on the walk she’s on today.

I’m so proud of the young lady she is today and so honored to be here Mommy (MaaaaM, Mama, Mama T, Ma) and friend.  I will always be her Mom and here for her to offer guidance and support but am so glad we can finally be friends.

Our calendar leading up to graduation was insane. I’ve had friends with kids who’ve graduated high school and I’m pretty sure I thought they were exaggerating at the amount of activities the last year of high school. Not only the activities, it’s also an emotional roller coaster. So happy and proud and yet so sad that this chapter is coming to an end. Have I done enough?  Is she ready for the real world? Why didn’t I spend more time doing xyz with her??  From Prom, the end of April to Graduation, is literally a blur in my mind. Thankfully I have lots of pictures documenting the days.

Speaking of Prom, did you see this gorgeous daughter of mine that day??  I am in awe of her strength and beauty. She unfortunately gained some weight this past year but was determined to lose some before prom. She found a dress online that she loved so we went shopping one day to find a similar style so we’d know what size to order. In that process, she found a dress she loved even more than the one online and even better, we could purchase it that day!  She decided to buy the dress 2 sizes smaller than the one that fit her so she would bust her tail and get into it before prom. We had 8 weeks! I thought she would need to lose about 25-30 pounds and you know what, she DID!  We worked out together each morning, 6 days a week, and she often went to the gym after work for extra cardio.  One morning, two weeks before prom, she called me crying.  “Mommy, it fits!!”  YESSSS!!! Praise the Lord. I love it when hard work pays off.  I was driving to work and thought I was going to have to pull over, I had big crocodile tears. She worked hard and deserved to fit into that dress.  Prom day arrived and we spent the day together getting her all dolled up. I love that she trusts me with her hair and makeup. We did have my professional hair lady blow out and curl her hair with the flat iron but then we got home and I had the honors of braiding and putting final touches on it. It’s times like these that I’m going to miss the most.

Testimony

The A couple of weeks ago we had student Sunday at KCF, the church we’ve attended for over 6 years.  As our youth pastor was preparing for this day, she asked Kiarra if she’d be willing to give her testimony. Kiarra agreed and began putting her testimony on paper. This was no easy task. This girl has been through some serious stuff.  Freshman year of high school was brutal; she made the wrong friend and got involved in some serious and scary stuff. We spent many hours praying and had many sleepless nights. I spent 3-5 hours every single day, sometimes more, dedicated to keeping her safe. I felt like it was hell on earth, no joke! Those close to us know what has happened and for everyone else, the details of her situation will one day come out. For now, I ask you not to speculate and please don’t judge. I’m sharing her testimony here. If you are looking for juicy details, you won’t find them.  Kiarra’sTestimony

The Dance

Leading up to student Sunday at church, several girls began learning a praise dance to perform during service. They met once a week for months to learn this dance.  As time went on, some of the girls dropped out for whatever reason, and only 5 girls ended up doing the performance. I didn’t want to know anything about it ahead of time so I didn’t even know the song they were dancing to. The first time I watched this dance was during service, just moments before Kiarra was going on stage to give her testimony.  Was it perfect? No (just watch Taryn’s ribbon whisk Kiarra’s right out of her hand – LOL). Was it absolutely beautiful and powerful?  YES!!  It was incredibly powerful actually. I’ve never watched praise dancers before so seeing my girls up there, dancing for their one true love, our Lord and Savior, was an incredible and overwhelming experience. I just finished watching the dance again now and was in tears.  Before clicking this link, turn your volume up, listen to the words and watch with your whole heart. Praise Dance

Beautiful right?  I hope you felt the presence of our mighty savior! God is so good y’all.

Graduation Day

And here we are… its graduation day!  My family all arrived yesterday and we had a nice dinner with everyone at Los Cucos. For some of them, it was their very first trip to Texas. It was so great to see everyone.  My nephews and niece (and her boyfriend) stayed here at the house with us; along with my Mom who had come in a week early to help me out (I could write another whole blog just thanking her for EVERYTHING). My brother Talan stayed here as well. My brother Teige, sister Kathy, and rest of the family all stayed in nearby hotels. Tamia was even here with us. It was a beautiful time and I felt complete. We had everything ready for the party. We were expecting heavy rain and sure enough the heavy rain came. It was torrential downpour and our backyard was soon flooded.  We had rented a huge tent (to keep everyone from the heat) but wasn’t able to use it as the ground was too soggy.  We were not going to let a little rain keep up from having a great time…but first, graduation.  The ceremony itself was only 2 hours. 480 kids walked that stage to receive their diploma.  The speeches were excellent and the ceremony was nice.  The only challenging part was getting out of the parking lot afterwards.  It took us an hour and 10 minutes to get out of the parking lot!!  You’d think with as many years as they’ve been doing graduations, they’d have a better system down to get us out of their in a more efficient manner.  Jayden’s class will have over 1000 kids, I sure hope they get it together before 2020.  While at graduation, Teige and Kathy were at the house keeping an eye on the food.  My dear friend Regina had offered to come and take over the kitchen for the party so I could enjoy the party and speak with our guests. The other 4 ladies from our Life Group came as well and they had all the food set up when we got home and they continued to work the kitchen throughout the party. I owe them BIGTIME! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, God puts the right people in our lives at the right time. I don’t know how I would have managed this party without their help.  We had 140 people in our home that evening and not one time did I see empty platters, containers or trash sitting around anywhere.  They are the best and I thank God for them!

The party was so much fun. It was great catching up with everyone. Her Kindergarten teacher came and that just made her day!  To see so many people come and love on her made my heart so happy. It was overwhelming.  At one point I stood and stared at everyone here and tears began to fall down my cheeks.  Three years ago, we almost lost her but here we are, celebrating her high school graduation. Her biggest accomplishment to date and everyone who loves her is here, celebrating her. Some have known her since birth and others just met her this year.  Jeff’s cousin flew in from California; my family drove in from Iowa… I’m so grateful to everyone who made it a priority to come to the party, hug her neck and congratulate her. I know we have lots of family who were not able to make the trip from Iowa and we totally understand that, we missed you and are so thankful for the love you sent from afar.  

That evening, Kiarra had project grad so she had to leave her party at 11:30 to head to Main Event for the all night lock-in.  While she was gone, we all played hide-and-seek in the dark!  So. Much. Fun.

Saturday, we spent the day with my family chilling out, checking out traders village and playing games.  That evening, my family departed and I collapsed. I was up until 3 am for 3 nights the past several days and was completely exhausted. The PowerPoint, with hundreds of pictures documenting her life, almost did me in, but it turned out great and I’m so happy I spent the time to pull it together. 

In Closing

I am extremely proud of the young lady she is today.  She’s not had it easy but I’m grateful for all the paths we’ve walked because we’ve walked them together and have grown stronger through it. She is amazing and caring and has a heart of gold. I love her around the world 2017 times and forever pray we have a relationship as good as we do today.   I’m so proud that she wants to stay home and attend a local college to be around to watch her siblings grow up. She could easily run off to college but her priorities are different and I love every ounce of that. I love that she wants to serve in our church and keep God first in her life.  Although I selfishly want to freeze time, I’m excited to see what the Lord has for her as she enters this next chapter in her life.