Sending Her Off To College

Today, my first born, Kiarra starts college. A new journey and an experience that will forever change her life…one that will forever change mine as well. Over the past 2 months, we began accumulating things for her to take to college. The bigger the pile got the more real it became. I’ve been thinking about this moment for 18 years. How will I manage without my side kick? We have done life together for almost 19 years. Have I prepared her for being away? Have I done enough? Taught her enough? Prayed enough? Listened enough? 

Last week, we packed up the cars and drove her to the apartment that will be her home for the next 5 months. I rode with her so we could talk and spend time together yet I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t believe this time had come. How did these years go by so fast? Last year, we thought she’d be here for two more years attending community college but just as I wrote in my blog, When He speaks, we listen, those plans changed. On one hand I was incredibly happy and thrilled for her and on the other I was sad for me, Jeff and the kids. Life as we know it will no longer be the same. We have a lot of fun as a family. We love to play games and be silly, bake, cook and have water fights. She almost always goes to the store with me (literally my side kick) and we just love being weird.  I have faith that life will only get better, be better and I truly know this is where she is meant to be.

We arrived before lunch and check in was a breeze. She got the keys to her place and we stopped by to see if her roommates were there. Unfortunately they were not, but many other girls were around and came out to say hi. She was immediately welcomed with open arms. We went and had lunch and then headed back to her place to unload, unpack to get her settled in. Her roommates were there when we returned and they were so nice and welcoming. They are both a few years older and are in their 2^nd and 3^rd year. Saying I felt a sense of relief is a complete understatement of how I felt. I was overjoyed with how sweet, kind, compassionate and caring these girls were. Kiarra immediately had two big sisters looking out for her best interest.

The girls had to go to work, so we sent Jeff to the store and began unpacking and getting her settled. We really do make a good team, we had most of the stuff done before Jeff returned (we may have asked him to hit up Starbucks while he was out). Making the bed was seriously the hardest thing we had to do (top bunk).We laughed and had a great time getting everything organized. Before he returned from the store, we already had a list of other things she needed.  We finished up and then headed back to the store and then to dinner. I was delaying as much as humanly possible. We took her back to her place, unloaded and unpacked the things we had purchased and we said our good-byes for the night.

I was feeling great. I thought to myself “I can do this, that wasn’t so bad”…

The following morning, we went to her place to finish up. We didn’t have a planned agenda for the day and we didn’t have a set time to leave so I was THRILLED when she said she wanted to go shopping to get some sweaters (quite cold up there right now) and a couple other things she thought of.  YESSS… more of a delay and more time with my girl!!  We hit up a humongous Old Navy and a few other stores close by and then had lunch. 

The day flew by and it quickly became time to say good-bye. I thought I was good. We had a great day, I was feeling a little sad to say good-bye but felt I had it together…

We hugged and laughed and said our good-byes. Jeff hugged her and I felt something in my chest. My heart was pounding…. It started racing and chills ran through my entire body. We walked out without shedding a tear… and then we got to the car. We barely made it out of the parking lot when the tears started rolling. I couldn’t stop them. I thought I was ok. I was not ok. The tears would stop for a moment and I’d think I have it together and then my eyes would just start gushing again. I couldn’t get them under control.  My heart was hurting; at times it felt like daggers were stabbing me. I cried the whole way home, stopping long enough to get in a 30 minute nap.

I knew I would be sad, and I knew I’d cry. I just didn’t know I’d literally feel the heartache I felt that day. Even though I know she is in a great place and is going to flourish and do wonderful things, it doesn’t change the pain I felt in my heart knowing she’s not home each night and not under my roof.

Here we are, a week later and although I’ve had a little melt down each day, the pain in my heart has completely turned to joy and I cherish each text, snapchat, and call I receive from her. Am I still sad? Yes!  Do I miss her? Yes!!  But, I have a sense of peace each time she crosses my mind that reminds me “He’s got this”.  It also helps that her roommates have taken her under their wing began pouring into her on day one. They set goals their first night together, prayed together and have taken her with them to campus events and around the city. I’m grateful to God for these young ladies! Seriously, so grateful and so thankful!

Well I thought  that was the end of my post. I’ve been writing this for weeks, mostly in my head, but finally got it in writing late last week. Then, yesterday morning, one of the members in the band shared a message he received from the Lord. He said “Church, God has been preparing you for 18 years for this moment…” I initially took it as if he was talking to our pastor but as I sat there taking it all in, I’m quite positive that message was directly for Jeff and I. It was exactly what I needed to hear. It’s true, we have been preparing for this moment for 18 years. Was I ready?  No! But we have been fervently preparing her for this moment. From getting her first tooth at 2.5 months old, to walking at 8 months, to her first day of kindergarten, first sleepover, first day of Junior High and High school to her first job, driving and gaining some independence to her last day of high school, we have raised her in the way we want her to go.  Throughout every first, every good day, every bad day and all the days in-between, we have done our best to instill in her the principles we believe to be truth. Have we always been perfect? Nope. Has she made mistakes and departed from our teaching? Yep. Each time we have picked up from where we fell and we have moved forward with God leading our path. We had an extra 5 months with her to prepare her for this next first in her life…her very first day of college, today.  We love you Kiarra!

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him, and he will act. Psalm 37:5

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. John 14:27

A Letter to My Daughter Before She Goes to College

Well…here we are, just a few days away from taking you to college.  Where have the years gone?? A bittersweet day for sure. For the past 18 years (almost 19), it’s been my job to protect you. The time has come… A brand new chapter in your life, a new experience for you. I’m going to miss you, a lot, but I can’t wait to see what the Lord has in store for you.  You are going to grow deeper in your faith and in your walk with the Lord. You’ll experience new things and meet new friends. You’ll have times of joy and laughter and times of sadness and sorrow. Through each experience; the good, the bad and the ugly, praise Him. Praise HIM!! Praise Him through each happy moment and through each storm. He will hold your hand and guide your path. He’ll wipe your tears in the sad times and will smile with you during the joyous times. He will always be with you.

As I drive away and you feel the sense of independence, there is something I want you to remember. As my firstborn, you had my heart first. My whole heart. I didn’t know I was capable of loving another child because I loved you so much. Independence is a great thing but it can also be scary. Be careful. Guard your heart. Lean not on your own understanding. Don’t be afraid to call and ask us for guidance. Always remember the principles we’ve instilled in you. Make good choices.  Learn from your mistakes. Study hard. Have fun!

When you miss me, and I know you will, call me! Text me!  FaceTime me! (I better see your name come up on my phone a lot!!)  Seriously, anytime of the day or night, if you need anything please do NOT hesitate to reach out to us. You are never too grown or too old to need your Mom. Yes, I said it. Mom. M-O-M, Mom.

I know you have to go, but I have a brilliant idea… sleep in and skip class so you fail and have to move home!!  We can get you your job back at TSA (hee-hee)!!  Although I’m only half joking, I really do want you to succeed. You are an incredibly beautiful young lady with an even more beautiful heart and soul. I’m incredibly proud of you for listening to the Lord and being obedient to His calling for you. You will be blessed by this obedience.

You are a blessing to me, our family, and so many others. I Love You Kiarra!