WHY LORD

This year has been the most challenging year we’ve faced in a while, if not ever, especially the past 6-8 weeks. This blog isn’t the happy “here is an update on my family” blog, it’s more a cry of my heart.  Let me be very clear in that this is NOT to get anyone to feel sorry for me. It’s not a “woe me” message, I am good. I’ve found strength and truth through each of these situations. 

If you are facing trials and troubles right now, read this message with a hopeful heart that you can overcome those trials through the love and truth that Jesus has promised us.  When you are upset, pick up your bible, read some Proverbs and Psalms, google what you are troubled about and find some scripture to meditate on. I’m not perfect, I don’t claim to be, but through these very rough waters we’ve faced the past few months, I wouldn’t be where I am today, with a hopeful heart, without the scriptures I’ve shared below.  Are these the perfect scripture for each of our trials, NOPE, but they spoke to me in my time of pain, anger, grief, fist in the air asking the Lord WHY screaming, “why Lord is this happening?”  Some people say we should never question the Lord, we shouldn’t be mad at Him, but you know what…He can handle it. It’s important that you continue to talk to Him, you continue to meditate on His word and you continue to open your heart to Him and cry out to Him. He CAN handle it.

Growing up, my neighbor Tyci was my very best friend (I still consider her my very best friend). We can go months, sometimes years without talking and yet we can pick up right where we left off.  She was by my side through all of life’s ups and downs. She was there when I needed a shoulder to cry on and was part of all of my happy memories growing up. We were like sisters, she called my Mom “Mom” and I called her Dad “Dad”. We both had our real Mom and Dad but our parents divorced around the same time and we had each other to lean on during that time.  Her Dad, although mostly quiet, was hilarious and so kind to me. I spent a lot of time at their house (and I mean a LOT) and am so grateful for the time they invested in me. In February, Tyci’s Dad Darrell lost his battle with cancer. I felt a piece of my heart break that day. Tyci and her Dad were extremely close, closer than any other Father/Daughter I know.  He was such a kind, loving, generous man. I found myself asking, why Lord?

Psalm 34:18 – The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

In my last post, I mentioned the flooding we were experiencing. It was insane but that was nothing compared to the tragedy that occurred in our community to a friend of ours. On Tuesday morning of that week, I received a call that I’ll never forget. The voice on the other end explained that our friend Natalie and her children were taken from us at the hands of her husband.  No one will ever understand why this happened. Hearts were broken in an instant. Two families and countless friends lost their loved ones to a senseless tragedy. Natalie was so loving, such a great friend to so many and such a beautiful and amazing mother to her children. And those precious children, so young and so beautiful. They all had the most amazing hearts.  Again, I ask Why Lord? Was it really their time to go Lord? Is this how it was supposed to happen?

Psalm 46:1 – God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in times of trouble.

Job 14:5-6 – A man’s days are numbered.  You know the number of his months. He cannot live longer than the time You have set so now look away from him that he may rest, until he has lived the time set for him like a man paid to work.

At the beginning of May, my car (the family car that is only 3 years old) went kaput. I just went over 100,000 miles and sure enough, my transmission went out. I took it to the dealership we always use, Westside Chevrolet and from that moment, the next 10 days were a disaster. To say their customer service was terrible is a complete understatement.  I could go into massive details because I have it all documented but let’s just say it was appalling. We would call to ask for an update and they would say they’d call back in 30 minutes… 24 hours later I would call again for an update. It was ridiculous. At one point, Jeff drove there to get an update because they wouldn’t return calls or answer our calls and they couldn’t find the car (a huge suburban).  When it was finally finished and I went to pick it up, they couldn’t find the keys… It took 4 to find them. It was literally 250 miles over warranty and they refused to pay for it… well, at first they refused. Finally after many conversations and a call to corporate, we finally got them to cover the majority of it.  We got the car back the day before we needed to leave for Iowa.  But again, why Lord? Why am I having to go through all of this? Why is all of this being dumped on us at one time?

Isaiah 41:10 – So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Proverbs 16:3 – Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.

During the time of my car taking a dump on us, we began to discuss trading it.  Since Talan sells Chevy’s we talked with him and had him looking at vehicles for us.  After prayer and discussion we decided not to get a new car... I couldn’t handle the stress of buying a new car at the same time Mom was moving away, especially after the emotional roller coaster we had just been on with the passing of our friends.  Well, that decision only lasted a few days. After reading more about Suburban’s and how they often go to shit after 100k miles, we prayed again and started looking again.  The day my brother was flying down here (to help us move Mom to Iowa) was the day Jeff decided that we should go ahead and trade the car (and by the way, we didn’t even have the car back from the shop at this point).  Soooo I was on the phone with Talan trying to negotiate and find another Suburban or Tahoe on his lot that I liked or one that was close by that was within our budget.  I didn’t want a higher payment but knew that was inevitable since we only had the other one for 3 years.

Talan flew down Tuesday night to help us get Mom moved up to Iowa.  At this point, Mom’s entire team at work still didn’t know she was leaving.  Is that not the craziest thing?  She had verbal approval that she could go but her VP who had given her approval was layed off after making the decision so more people had to get involved.  Mom wasn’t stressed about it at all. She had faith in the Lord that He was going to see it through and He sure did.  On Wednesday, she finally got all the approvals she needed and I finally got my car back!  We packed up the moving truck that evening and they took off early Thursday morning for Ute Iowa.  Thankfully, they were able to make good time and arrived at Grandpa’s that evening.  My nephew Morgan (Teige’s son) was graduating from high school this weekend so we took off Thursday afternoon to head up there. It was all God’s perfect timing that everything worked out the way it did.  We were exhausted and only made it to Oklahoma before finding a hotel. We got up Friday and finished our drive.  We went straight to HH Chevy and traded my car. Everything went as smooth as can be.  We were in and out of there in about 90 minutes (fastest car buying experience I’ve EVER been part of).  Off we went in the new black Suburban (which by the way was the only color I didn’t want but since we were getting such a good “deal” I put my wants aside and went with it).

Proverbs 3:5-6 - Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

We got to Grandpa’s and had our “tradition” of going to eat at AK’s in Ute. Delicious as always!!  But that night when we settled in at the house, I got a text that rocked our world. One of Jayden’s best friends Mom text me and asked me if I’d talk to Jayden. You see, their youngest son had just been diagnosed with leukemia. He is in the 5^th grade.  This family is the sweetest family. When Jayden was down with a pulled muscle, they were at our doorstep with pizzas, cokes and candy within 30 minutes of hearing of Jayden’s injury.  Who does that?  Well, loving and kind people do that! This family has taken Jayden on weekend trips to the lake and is always so kind and so giving.  So again, I ask, why Lord? Why is this fun, loving, kind hearted kid (and family) having go through this? I shared the heart-breaking news with Jayden and we began to pray for this sweet kid, his brother, and his amazing parents. But I still asked, why Lord?

Philippians 4:6-7 – Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

James 1:6 – But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

Saturday morning we chilled and in the afternoon we went to Morgan’s graduation.  I’m so proud of this kid. It was great to catch up with all of the family that came and to see my cousins and their cute little ones.  Sunday was the dreaded day. We unpacked the big moving truck into a storage unit, all went to have lunch and say our good-byes to Mom.  We planned the trip to have a college visit in Oklahoma on our way home so we knew we only had to drive 8 hours before getting to our hotel in Edmond. Saying good-bye was hard but not as hard as I thought it was going to be. I had a sense of calmness come over me; I had chills to my toes. I knew He was giving me strength to keep it together.  I knew the calmness was from my friends and prayer warriors in Texas praying for me and my family. Although I still don’t understand why she wants to move back to that tiny town, I know that this is the plan for her because God set this path and made all these things possible for it to happen.

Matthew 11:29-30 – Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

Sunday night we had a nice dinner at a hibachi grill and then crashed at the hotel. Monday we got up and headed over to Oklahoma Christian University. We had a nice college visit, I will admit that I almost lost it one time just thinking about Kiarra going away to college but I held it together. The campus was really nice, everyone was super sweet. The dorms need some work, they are as old as the college but all it all it was a nice school.  We grabbed some lunch and headed home. On the way home, I logged in to make our house payment and noticed something very odd.  It was double the amount as normal… my first thought was “OH crap, I forgot to make it last month” but I knew there was no way because they would have been calling me. I gave them, what I thought would be a quick, call and our nice family day was suddenly ruined. They began to tell me that our escrow account was screwed up and there wasn’t anything we could do about it but pay it.  I was furious.  Who can afford a double house payment, especially in these economical times?  After being on the phone with them for 2.5 hours, I finally decided I was getting nowhere and would call them back the next day when I have papers in front of me and can talk to someone who is knowledgeable.  The next day, I call and sure enough they majorly screwed up our account when we refinanced last year. Our house payment is doubling for 12 months!  I wouldn’t have just bought a new car with a higher payment had I of known our house payment was going to double for 12 months.  I immediately knew He would work it out for us, He ALWAYS does but again… why Lord?  What are you trying to show us? Am I doing something wrong?

Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Matthew 6:28 - Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?

And then, just two days later, an unthinkable, unimaginable, uncontrollable and uncomprehend-able situation occurred. A great friend of ours, someone we’ve known for 6 years because our sons play basketball together and who is also part of our weekly life group and bible study with my husband, had suffered a brain aneurysm. His wife and I have become close these past 5 months so she text me for prayer that evening as they arrived at the hospital. I was soon at her side as she began to process the reality of what was happening. He was rushed to another hospital and procedures began taking place.  Out of respect for the family, I will not share details but I will say that the events that unfolded during those first 24 hours have rocked my inner core.  Unfortunately, Josh wasn’t able to pull through and went to be with the Lord on Saturday, May 21^st.  It wasn’t the outcome we were praying for and definitely wasn’t the miracle we were all hoping for.  He leaves behind a wife, six children, many family members and friends.  Josh, just 37 years old, was a great man! He loved his family and his family loved him. He loved to serve at the church and would help anytime there was a need. From his 22 year old son in the Navy to his 4 year old princess, to his beautiful wife who is left to pick up the pieces, I ask again…why Lord?

Romans 8:28 – And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

John 10:28-29 - And I give eternal life to them, and they will never perish; and no one will snatch them out of My hand.  My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all; and no one is able to snatch them out of the Fathers hand.

Job 14:5-6 – A man’s days are numbered.  You know the number of his months. He cannot live longer than the time You have set so now look away from him that he may rest, until he has lived the time set for him like a man paid to work

Within 5 weeks, I questioned the Lord more than I have my enter life. All of the things I was dealing with are so unimportant now compared to what my dear friend is going through.  Having to bury her husband and somehow pick-up the pieces and find a new normal… it’s not right, it’s not fair.

Through all of this, I was gently reminded to rely on the Lord for strength and guidance.  I wanted to know WHY these things were happening. I would call friends who are further along in their walk with the Lord to mentor me and help me to see that this is ALL part of His plan.  I submitted prayer requests at church and received beautiful handwritten cards from prayer warriors with scripture to remind me that it’s all part of His plan.

Isaiah 55:8-9 – For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.  As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

James 1:2-4 – Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

So through this nightmare we’ve been living in these past several weeks (I've not listed everything, we've also had lots of other items with the kids, dear friends who moved away, Taryn being bullied to the point of talking about dying, etc....), the Lord has already shown us some positive outcomes through these situations.  Friendships have been restored, at least 5 people have a new chance at life through organ donation, faith in our Lord has been strengthened. More good will come from all these trials and when they do, we must praise Him.

Please keep these families in your prayers.

Summer and Sales 2013

So apparently I never finished or published this post from a couple of years ago...

Summer and Sales

Summer flew by!!  Seriously, before I knew it - it was school registrations, volleyball tryouts, back to school shopping and dreaded thought of homework!!!  I thought about writing every week but was so consumed with the amount of activities we had going on.

The kids enjoyed their summer. It was just super busy.

 Jayden attended a couple of basketball camps, Great Adventure Camp (Christian camp), time at the lake with friends and he got the responsibility of babysitting Taryn while Kiarra was away at her activities.  Jayden turned 12 in June and we threw him a surprise b-day party.  We got him - AGAIN!  He really enjoyed that time with friends and family and want’s another “surprise” next year…. Not really a surprise if he’s already planning or thinking he’ll be surprised but we’ll see… I just may come up with something good (suggestions welcomeJ).

Kiarra attempted SACC (Strength and Conditioning Camp) but tore the ligaments around her ankle on day 1, so that didn’t work out so well for her.  She still continued to attend most days and just did upper body workouts (boring!!)  The trainers thought it was a sprain at first so had her take it easy for 2 weeks, when they realized it wasn’t getting better they had me take her to the doctor.  She was in a boot for 3 weeks and got it off just tin time to attend volleyball camp. Just a week or so after camp was tryouts and this was quite stressful because of our house situation (you can read about that below), not to mention Jeff had been out of town as well (you can read about that below as well).

Taryn, oh poor Taryn… she was SOOOO bored all summer.  Kiarra and Jayden were awesome babysitters and she enjoyed them taking care of her but with Kiarra in a boot, she couldn’t take Taryn to the pool and Jayden isn’t old enough to take Taryn by himself.  She’s the only one that didn’t have a bunch of activities so we filled up the time with sleepovers, and activities at the house.

Jeff was out of town working in Austin the entire month of August. With all the activities going on, working full time and now living out of zone for one of our kids schools, this made things quite difficult.  We drove up to Austin twice to see him. He was working 6 days a week which left no time for him to come home on the weekends so it was nice little get-a-way for us to drive up and spend time with him at the hotel.  We didn’t do much while we were there; a little shopping, went and saw the State Capitol but the best part was sightseeing.  Austin is beautiful… gorgeous actually!!  We also took Jayden to see the UT campus and football field but he could care less about them since he wants to go to A&M. He was not impressed and made that very clear.  He cracks me up!  I don’t think he’ll go to A&M anyway, but that’s what he thinks at this stage in his life so we’ll just encourage it.  Before Jeff even got home from Austin, they were already talking about sending him to another city.  His boss wouldn’t let him go but their Director wanted him to go to Dallas.  He wasn’t even home a week and he was told he needed to go to Dallas…. Here we go again, I’m getting quite good at this single mom thing, but it’s NOT something I want to do on a full time basis (or even more than a week at a time for that matter).

Rewind a few months

I’d made it quite clear to everyone that I was not happy with the house we purchased last year.  In April I started snooping on HAR to look for another house. The market was great and we had friends selling their homes within days (sometimes hours) of putting it on the market.  We looked in a few neighborhoods to build, in our neighborhood for another house (because after all I LOVE the neighborhood, just not the house) and even looked in other cities… YES, other cities.  I do love Katy but would also welcome any opportunity to relocate.  In May we found a neighborhood just a couple of miles from our home in Firethorne, I loved it….the kids loved it but Jeff was still very adamant about staying put for a few more years.  I asked him to pray about it and he still insisted that we needed to stay in this house.  Finally, one day I begged him (ok-ok, I didn’t beg - I only asked once) to go with me to look at a house.   He saw how happy this house made me and suddenly he heard from the Lord that maybe we should consider moving.  YES, thank you LORD for speaking to my hubby!!  The only downside was that Kiarra would have to go to the new High School and not Katy High School where we always thought she would go.  I mention to Kiarra that the new house is zoned to the new school and she was so excited. She expressed how she would love to go to the new school because so many of her new friends will be going there… AMEN!  This is huge.  I reached out to an old colleague of mine who is a realtor now and we put the house on the market.  We had showings immediately, quite a lot of them actually. As you know, selling a house is stressful - always keeping it 110% picked up and clean is no easy task when there are 3 kids home all day long and the oldest-most responsible one in a boot!  We went to the new neighborhood and signed paperwork to being the process of building a new house… Let’s hope 3rd times a charm. This is the 3rd house Jeff and I have built together so as long as we can keep our sanity through this process, I think we will be in this house a very long time.

Sale/No Sale

We received an offer on the house and although it wasn’t a full price offer, it was decent.  We went into contract but before the 10 day option period was up the buyers backed out.   It was devastating.  It’s now August and decision time, do we keep the house on the market or take it off and just remodel.  With school starting and volleyball tryouts weeks prior to school starting, we needed to make a decision, however Jeff is out of town, I’m working 60+ hours a week and time is just flying by. The biggest hurdle is keeping our house on the market and still allowing Kiarra to go to the new school.  This means she is out of zone and will need transportation to/from school each day.  Getting her to school in the morning isn’t a problem because we are headed to work but neither of us can leave work at 2:30 every day to pick her up.  It was weighing very heavy on my heart. I simply didn’t know what to do.  I’d pray about it but wasn’t getting the answer because honestly, the answer I wanted was to just sell the house and move into temporary housing until the new house is ready, oh yea - about the new house, they’ve barely started building it at this point… I think we only had the slab!!  Of course I wasn’t in a rush for it to be built because we hadn’t sold the house anyway but it was still another burden in my mind.  Jeff and I finally made a decision to take the house off the market and stay put, we’d remodel, put in a pool and just be content with this decision…a decision we thought was coming from our good Lord. 

Answered Prayers…

I text a dear friend of mine, who also has a daughter going to this new school, and explained to her that the buyers had backed out and that we wouldn’t be able to get Kiarra into the new school because although they would allow it, I just couldn’t get her home from school every day.  Her response to me blew me away, it made me cry and I fell to my knees.  She told me she would be happy to take Kiarra home from school each day until we move.  Friends, this is HUGE.  We don’t live far from each other but this is a big deal to me and to Kiarra.  I just didn’t feel right accepting this offer but she insisted.  What a blessing she is to our family.

Enrollment

So now that we had transportation sorted out, there was no time to wait.  We literally had to get Kiarra enrolled within a couple of days so she could attend volleyball tryouts. I thought school sports didn’t start until school started, boy was I wrong (OMG, I think I just sounded like my Mother).  I’d been talking with the school for months so I knew everything I needed to do, the registrar went over it with me many times.  Kiarra and I walked into that HUGE, seriously GINORMOUS school to register her and I hadn’t followed the right steps. I thought we were “pre-registering” her but what I actually needed to do weeks ago was go to the Administration building, and pay a fee and apply for her pre-registration…or something like that, I don’t even remember. Seriously, it was all so stressful. Just when you think you have everything you need, birth certificates, contracts for new build, physicals, etc…. not to mention Jeff had just left to go out of town.  Then, once the board or whoever approved it I could officially register her.  I remember this very clearly, it was a Wednesday and tryouts started the following week.  Eeeek!  They said it can take up to 10 days to receive the approval… TEN DAYS!!!  As much as I’m trying to stay calm and collective, this panic came over me and I just started crying.  It had already been so emotional from the moment we put our house on the market I just thought maybe this was Gods way of telling me that we just need to stay put. Then out of nowhere, a very nice lady at the administration building approached me promised to help us and see this through. She was another blessing.  Before noon on Friday, we had the approval.  AMEN!!  I was working that Friday but as soon as I got the email, I was Off to the school to get her registered. We arrive to the school and there is not a person in site. It’s practically empty, only a few construction workers finishing up some last minute touches.  What am I going to do now? She can’t attend tryouts on Monday if she’s not registered…  We waited around a few minutes thinking maybe everyone was out to lunch. Just as we started to walk back to the car, I see someone in the office.  I knocked on the door and it just happened to be one of the principles.  He opened the door and explained that no one in the office works on Fridays during the summer… WHAT!!??  I felt my heart drop again and Kiarra instantly had tears in her eyes.  I explained to him that with tryouts being on Monday, I really need to get her enrolled and I asked what time they will be there on Monday so I can come back to enroll her.  He was so nice and said “I think the registrar is here, let me see if I can find her”… Seriously friends, one blessing after another!  The registrar was there and although she wasn’t super happy to help us, she took the paperwork, reviewed it to ensure we had every I dotted and every T crossed and then said that she’d finalize everything on Monday but that Kiarra could go to volleyball tryouts on Monday. We both shed tears of joy on the way to the car. AMEN!

Volleyball/Back to School

After all that craziness with getting Kiarra enrolled in school, she was able to try out for volleyball and she made the Freshman A team.  All in all they had a pretty good season.  There were too many girls on the team and the coach liked the “fun/fair/positive” crap but other than that they did well and Kiarra was able to play a lot.  I always thought football was the rough sport so when she suffered a concussion during an intense game against Katy I was quickly brought to reality and that every sport is kind of dangerous.  I always thought it would be a rolled ankle or jammed finger but a concussion…only my child J

The kids were excited to go back to school this year.  Kiarra in high school, Jayden in Jr High and Taryn in 1st grade. 3 kids in 3 different schools, working lots of hours, husband out of town, house on the market and volleyball games twice a week was all quite overwhelming but you know what, I wouldn’t change it for the world.  This is my life and I love it.

Sale of House

We received other offers on our house and had many people interested in it but unfortunately our realtor didn’t do her part to see those through.  We lost one deal over a simple $250 neighborhood deed restriction rule book that she refused to let us pay for.  Seriously, $250?  Ugh!  After many prayers, discussions and considerations we decided to let her go.  So now what??  We have to sell this house by December 20th or Kiarra will have to transfer schools back to the school in our zone.  Again, after many discussions, prayer and tears, Jeff and I decided that at semester break, she’d just have to transfer to Katy High School.  End of discussion…. Or so we thought.  I was content with the decision and although I wasn’t happy about it, I knew it was the right thing. I even had someone come and give me quotes on a new kitchen and custom paint throughout the entire house.  I went to the sales associate of the new builder and explained to them that we needed to go ahead and cancel our contract. I hated to do it but there was just no other choice at this point.  I didn’t even care if we lost our earnest money, we just needed out of the contract.  Here we go, another blessing… She was amazing. She explained to me that we just had a bad experience (a very bad one I might add) and not to give up yet.  She asked if we’d trust one of their preferred realtors to re-list our house and was so positive and refreshing about the entire situation, something I was not used to because our other realtor was not that way.  I couldn’t even contain myself, I was so emotional. I was happy/nervous/stressed/anxious/overjoyed all at the same time. Mario called me later that day and we talked for a very long time about what we (Jeff and I) wanted and how we were going to tackle this.  See, we missed out on the prime time to sell our house over the summer and now school has started so I didn’t have high expectations.  Our new realtor came by and gave me a ton of tips to make the house look bigger.  Again, during this time, Jeff is STILL out of town (have I mentioned that enough in this post)… so the kids and I moved furniture around and sure enough, the house looked great.  I almost fell in love with it all over again, but shhh - don’t tell Jeff, he’d kill me.  LOL.  The house went back on the market in October and within a few weeks, we had an offer.  It wasn’t the best and it wasn’t our asking price but it was an offer and we were elated.  After a little negotiating, we signed the contract, inspections were schedule and we started packing.  I’d had my eyes on a few lease houses over the months but of course those were long gone.

Now where are we going to live??

Closing was scheduled to be within a month so now we needed to find a place to live. There were only 2 lease houses in the zone we needed and those were not going to work for us so I went to the only apartment complex that is zoned to the High School and Jr High (so the kids can ride the bus).  I’ve not lived in an apartment for 15 years.  My oh my, these apartments seem so small!  Closing is scheduled for the day before Thanksgiving and we are just praying all goes well and we can finally be done with this house…