2 years ago, I set out on a mission. A final mission to get healthy and take
charge of my health and the health of my family.
I first began researching and studying
weight loss, hormone imbalance and Hashimoto’s
Thyroiditis. I’ve known for years I have a thyroid condition and knew a few
of the problems it caused in my body but I never sat down to read about
Hashimoto’s and understand exactly what it’s all about and how it affects my
day to day.
I’ve struggled with my weight off and on
throughout the years but even more so after my hysterectomy. I don’t have many regrets in life, but having
a hysterectomy is definitely one of those things I may not have done if I’d
have done my research or knew then what I know now. As I’ve shared before, my
Endocrinologist has told me many times “Trina, with the doses of medication you
are taking, it’s impossible to lose weight”… as they would try and shove
another $300 a month diet pill down my throat.
The more research I did, the more
discouraged I got. Not because I couldn’t lose the weight but because doctors
push all these medications that have a million side effects. I wasn’t willing
to take those expensive and damaging pills that would tear up my liver and
cause my heart to palpitate or even worse, stop working.
Let’s
back up...
15+ years… I never thought
I’d be obese. Although I thought I was soooo fat, I was thin growing up and
fairly healthy. I gave up sports before high school because I was too
interested in partying but even with that, I didn’t gain a bunch of
weight. Even after having Kiarra, I lost
my weight and was back in my clothes within 4 weeks or so. Same with Jayden. And then, when he was about 6 months old, I
was diagnosed with Thyroid disease. My
weight began yo-yo but it wasn’t anything too drastic at first.
At the time, I wasn’t necessarily ok with
being a size 8, 10 or 12, but it was so hard to control. With my frame and broad shoulders, I can’t be
anything smaller than a size 8 anyway so being a 12 (at that time my biggest)
wasn’t great but it wasn’t horrible. Then,
out of nowhere, my 12’s no longer fit. Once I was a size 14, I remember being
annoyed and thinking I was so huge. Then
one day, I had to move to a size 16 and I was mortified. I never thought I’d be over 200 pounds, and
then I was… I remember thinking I will not gain another pound, and then I
did. When I hit 220 I remember crying and
asking myself “what is wrong with me?” I
would lose 20 and gain 30. Lose 30 and
gain 40. I told myself, I absolutely
will not get to 250, and then I was… and then some.
During that time, a lot had happened. In
2004, my Dad passed away in a car accident. Jeff and I were having marriage
problems and I became depressed and suicidal.
This is also when my asthma spiralled out of control and I began taking
massive amount of steroids to keep my lungs clear. At this time, my thyroid was
pretty much under control; well it was until I began gaining weight from the
steroids. Jeff and I began going to church again and I started attending grief
counselling. Grief counselling morphed into marriage counselling and we were
able to work things out. In 2006 I was pregnant with Taryn and diagnosed with
gestational diabetes (I was ONE point over… ONE POINT!!). I met with a
nutritionist often and ate the healthiest I’d ever eaten in my life. I finally
learned how to eat healthy. Growing up,
we didn’t eat healthy; we were poor and ate a lot of fried food and TV dinners
so I never really learned how to eat healthy.
During my pregnancy, I lost weight each month up until the last 3 weeks
before delivering her. After having Taryn, I was healthy and losing weight and
feeling great… until I had to start steroids again for my asthma. Every time I took a 20 day supply, I’d gain
about 30 pounds. It was awful. Each
year, I’d yo-yo 30-50 pounds at a time.
I was meeting a friend for lunch one day who I hadn’t seen in a year or
so and she said to me “I didn’t know which Trina to expect.” I was puzzled and the look on my face was
obvious that I didn’t understand what she saying and she proceeded to say “well
I didn’t know if you’d be the curvy Trina or the thin Trina”… This cut deep!! Why did it even matter? Is the thin Trina better than the fat Trina
or vice versa?
At the beginning of 2007, I contacted a
doctor about having the lap band put in place.
At this time, I was about 50-60 pounds overweight (by clinical
standards). Within a few weeks, I had
surgery and the lap band was in place.
I did great on the lap band at first. I
followed the rules and lost weight. If I
remember correctly, I lost about 50 pounds in the first 4-6 months. I started working out a bit and just felt
good. My thyroid levels were good and life
was pretty good. We were attending
church regularly and hosting a small group in our home each week. Things started to get busy at work and I
started working insane hours. I was traveling quite a lot and working 80-120
hours a week. Stress crept in and there
went my health. Then, my female health went drastically downhill and I was
having surgery every few months for endometriosis. My doctor suggested I have a hysterectomy and
I thought it was my only option. I was
exhausted from working so much and was tired of having the female problems so I
agreed to it. After surgery, my hormones
went crazy and I couldn’t get enough ice cream.
Although I had the lap band, liquid were not restricted so I could eat
as much ice cream (and Cheetos) as I wanted.
Stress + hormone imbalance + lots of ice cream = major weight gain. I was back and forth with the doctor to
regulate my hormone medication which threw off my thyroid medication. I was in a downward spiral and I gained 70
pounds in less than 4 months after the hysterectomy. I had to do something and something fast.
The Lord knows our every need and puts
people in our path at the most perfect time, every time. In August of 2009, Jeff, the kids and I were
in New Orleans for the weekend visiting his parents and while there we visited
with some awesome friends of ours that had moved there. I hadn’t seen my sweet
friend in 6 months or so and knew she had been working out and running but had
no idea the transformation that had taken place. She told me she was doing Body for Life and
how great it was for her. I purchased the book when we got home and started it
soon after.
The workouts were fun, Kiarra and I did
them together, and we always made the best of it. I never thought I’d enjoy running
but I loved it. Running was the best
stress reliever, I felt so free when I’d run. Soon, I was in the best shape of
my life and felt great. I continued to
work long hours but I almost never skipped running and working out. My weight continued to yo-yo, but mostly only
when I’d take steroids during the fall (gain 20-30, lose 15-20). Each time I’d gain my thyroid and hormones
would get out of whack and I’d have to get them adjusted.
In 2011, I started having major
complications with my band. I had recently been laid off from my job (which was
a blessing in disguise) and things were a little stressful but nothing that
wasn’t manageable. I got to the point
that I couldn’t even swallow my own saliva. Everything turned to slime and I was super
dehydrated and malnourished. X-rays showed the band had slipped which was some
of the reason for the problems I was having.
The other, and more major problem, was that I vomited so much during the
4 years I had the band, there was massive swelling around the band and nothing
could get through it. This was also soon after my dentist had told me my teeth
were starting to look like those of a bulimic as the acid from throwing up so
much was starting to ruin my teeth. As
if that wasn’t bad enough, my 4.5 year old daughter started to act like she was
choking all the time while we were eating dinner and would say “I have to
fro-up Mommy”. You see, every time I would try to eat, the
food would get stuck and I’d have to excuse myself from the table to stick a
toothbrush down my throat when I had my head in the toilet. Gross, I know… but it was my reality, for 4
long years. In June, I opted to have the
band removed. I couldn’t wait to be
healed so I could begin running again. 8
days after surgery I woke up with a 105 fever and felt like I was dying. I had
a severe staph infection and felt terrible.
I was extremely weak. Had I not
of gotten to the hospital when I did and then insist they get my surgeon there
(that is another entire story), I’m pretty sure I would have died. I’m convinced I had a guardian angel with me
during that time. They opened me up in
the ER, (with no anesthesia or pain medication) and removed the pocket of
infection (I’ll spare the details). They
pumped me with 14 different antibiotics (of which I had an allergic reaction to
one of them but they were pumping them in so fast, they couldn’t determine
which one it was) and admitted me to the hospital. Recovery was brutal. I couldn’t do anything.
No lifting, cooking, cleaning, walking/running, lifting weights, etc. Absolutely nothing! Three times a day, a nurse came to our home to
change the packing in my abdomen. It was
6 inches deep and 4 inches wide. They
said it would take months to completely heal, and it did.
In the fall, I started a new job and was
able to start running and working out again.
I quickly dropped the 20-ish pounds I gained while recovering. I was back on track and feeling great. One morning at work, I squatted at a co-workers
desk to chat with her and I felt something in my knee snap. I tore my meniscus
and had to have surgery. Unfortunately,
this was another setback and extremely frustrating. My knee never really heeled, as a matter of
fact, it still hurts more now than it did prior to surgery.
Disclaimer: Please,
if you are a lover of either the products I am about to mention, I am in no way
judging you for that. We each have our individual goals and views of products.
This is my opinion based on my experience and the research I’ve done in the
past 2 years.
Between 2012 and 2016 I tried Advocare,
Juicing, Isagenix, Shaklee, Plexus, counting calories, low carb/high protein, general
eating healthy with light exercise and each time would come out disappointed.
They’d work at first and then I’d start experiencing side effects. Unfortunately I didn’t do enough research on
some of them ahead of time. If I knew then-what I know now, I NEVER EVER would have
taken the Advocare, Isagenix and Plexus products. So many chemicals and so so bad for the liver, stomach, heart and
brain. And to think I was trying to get other family members to take these
things… Ugh, I should have done more research!
In 2015, I had met with a gastric surgeon. He was extremely pushy and
wanted me to do the gastric bypass. I was not interested in that major of a
surgery. This was during a time that my Moms best friend had just been
diagnosed with brain cancer and I was working at a job where our director was a
complete slime ball, a chauvinistic pig, a sexual harassing disgusting human
being… I was too stressed to have that major of a surgery and was not
interested in being pressured into something. Jeff and I discussed it a lot and
I always prayed “God willing”. The
timing wasn’t right, the doctor wasn’t right and I never went back to see him.
In those years, we had many other hurdles,
good and bad, just as every family has.
From the deaths of good friends and family members, to visitation
battles, to moving houses (multiple times), to FBI Investigations, to some
situations that would make your jaw drop… they all played a part in the roller
coaster I’ve been on. Parts of the roller coaster were extremely exciting and
fun and other parts were sad and downright terrifying. I’m not making excuses, I’m being extremely
transparent and sharing my journey.
This isn’t about being skinny. I don’t care
about that. I simply want to be healthy to be the best person I can be, for me,
my husband my children and future grandchildren.
The
Judgement
Let me ask you a question. When you see an
overweight person, what is the first thing that goes through your head? Ponder on that a minute…
Do you know how extremely difficult it is
to be overweight? Overweight people are
judged constantly.
You may think “just don’t eat as much” or
“get off your butt”… you have NO CLUE.
Do you think overweight people want to be
overweight? Do you think we enjoy it?
The
Journey
Two years ago I was introduced to Essential
Oils. My initial reaction was rolling my eyes and thinking “year right, oil can
help me with that?” I mostly put it off for a year but tinkered around with
them here and there. I didn’t take it serious and didn’t think they could help
me… until they did. I dove into Natural Solutions last summer and have had no
regrets since. I’m not going to get into the details of that now except to say
that the products are amazing and I love treating our symptoms with Essential
oils and other natural solutions. Finally, something that works without side
effects! And not only are they amazing for the specific ailment at the moment,
but they are also helping with soooo much more.
I’d love to write more about this but let me get on with my journey…
Again, the Lord puts people in our path for
a reason. Within a couple of weeks, I
ran into (or saw pictures of) friends who had recently had a gastric surgery with
great results. I ran into one of them and didn’t even recognize her. Not
because she was so thin (although she was) but because she had come out of her
shell and was so vibrant and happy. Of
these 6 women, only 1 of them was public with having the surgery. Why is that?
Why do we as women hide things? Why do we walk in these things
alone? Why are we so embarrassed or
ashamed to come out publicly with the things we do for ourselves? Are we embarrassed and ashamed or is our
pride in the way? Are we afraid of
judgement? Why are we, as women, not
more empowering of other women who choose to take control of their health (or
start a new business, or become a home-school Mom, or choose to be a crunchy
Mom (of which I really wish I would have done))? I have an answer to all of
those questions but I’ll carry on…
In March of last year I went to see a new Gastric
doctor that one of my friends used and highly recommended to me. After
receiving is information, I prayed about it, delayed, prayed more and delayed
more but time and time again, another person would pop up who had the surgery
and I kept feeling the urge to call the doctor to make an appointment. He was extremely professional and not pushy
at all. He had the best bedside manner of any doctor I’ve ever been to (and
I’ve been to a lot). He took the time and explained my options to me and sent
me with some additional information to think on and pray about.
Because I previously had a gastric surgery,
I had additional medical hurdles to cross before the insurance would cover
another procedure. Some of these included:
- Scope of my stomach that revealed a hernia and a massive amount of scar tissue.
- Meet with a nutritionist/doctor once a month for six months.
- Psych evaluation.
Although I was beginning to lose weight, it
was mentally frustrating to lose so slowly. I’ve always lost fast and gained
fast so losing so slow was working my nerves.
Several times when I would go to see the nutritionist, I’d be frustrated
that the scale hadn’t moved. I was
following their strict orders but later realized we had a bit of a
misunderstanding. I was replacing one
meal a day with a yummy meal shake and then she told me to stick to 600-800
calories. So, day after day I was
drinking my shake for breakfast and sticking to 600-800 calories a day. I knew, from meeting with a nutritionist when
I was pregnant with Taryn, that you have to take in at least 1200 calories a
day to lose weight or your body goes into starvation mode but I heard loud and
clear when my nutritionist told me to stick to 600-800 so I was being obedient
to that. One afternoon when I was meeting with my nutritionist, I expressed my
frustration “I just don’t get it, I’m drinking my shake and always eating less
than 800 calories a day but I’m still not losing and as a matter of fact, some
months I have gained!!”. She said “wait,
what did you say?” So I told her how she
told me to drink the shake and only take in 600-800 calories a day and she
stopped me dead in my tracks and said “Trina, I said 600-800 calories per meal!! You are starving yourself and your body is
holding onto everything you are eating…”
Ummmmmm, OOOPS!! Guess I should have went with my gut and cleared that
up since I knew that didn’t seem right. Once I started taking in 1500 calories
a day, the weight started coming off, thank God because I was seriously about
to lose my mind!
In November, I had met all the
pre-requisites to have the surgery and the doctor submitted my information to
insurance. At the beginning of December
I received the call from the doctor that the insurance has approved my surgery and
that I could have it before the end of the year. WHOA!!
This call brought me to my knees.
Through all the delays, the ups and downs, the hurdles and everything,
Jeff and I continues to say “God willing”… and this call was the call I needed
to assure me that He was behind this blessing and since it had come to this
point, it must be something He wanted me to go through with. To this point I was really just going through
the motions, not so sure it would be approved and definitely not getting my
hopes up.
The final hurdle was being on a liquid diet
through Christmas and while traveling.
At this point, my husband was the ONLY person who knew of this journey I
was on. We told the kids a few days
before our trip and although they all told me I didn’t need to do it, they were
supportive and awesome as always. My Mom
was going through a lot at work and I didn’t want her to worry about me but I
knew I wouldn’t be able to get through the holiday without telling her
something, after all I would be on liquids only and that is just not a normal
thing to do over the holidays.
I managed to make it through the holidays
on my liquid diet and although it wasn’t easy, I did it. I prayed a lot. Those hunger pains were no joke. The smell of
the holiday cooking, baking and yummy treats were no joke. I wasn’t myself. I
ignored family members so they wouldn’t question me because I wasn’t prepared
or ready to answer questions. I did have
one melt down where I didn’t think I could make it but my husband was awesome
and prayed me through it. On our way
home from Iowa, I told Jeff that I was having second thoughts about the surgery
and wasn’t sure I wanted to go through with it. I had lost 35 pounds on my own (with
the help of doTERRA Slim & Sassy) and just managed to go through the
holidays on liquids only. That was will power.
Will power I know I didn’t have but only by the grace of God managed to
get through those days. If I could be on liquids only during Christmas,
certainly I could do this on my own going forward, right!!?? And the best part of the journey so far, I
gave up Coke!! I was extremely reliant
on Coke on a daily basis but taking the Slim and Sassy each day completely
curved my appetite and I was finally able to give up that addiction.
I began to pray again, but now my prayers
changed. I was confused. I was feeling extremely anxious and not sure what to
do. Kiarra had her wisdom teeth out one day before my surgery so that mostly
kept my mind occupied the day before but my mind kept wondering to places that
were dark and ugly. I reached out to the
ladies in our small group and confided in them and asked them for prayer. One
of them was at my house within minutes to pray with me (I have amazing
friends). This sealed the deal and I was
going forward with this.
On December 29th, I arrived at
the hospital and had major surgery to aid in my journey of getting healthy, 3
surgeries actually. I had prepared for
this surgery for 9 months so it’s not something I jumped into uneducated (like
my previous gastric surgery and tons of diet plans I had tried). Matter of fact, I had been researching it for
2 years. The morning of surgery was a
bit crazy. It was scheduled for 11:30 am but of course I had to be there a
couple of hours early. We arrived and I
was called back immediately. I barely changed into my gown when my doctor came
by asking why I didn’t have an IV in yet and that they were ready for me. UMMM, I’m going to need someone to get my
husband from the waiting room for me so I can see him before they wheel me
back. The vein whisperer came by, got my
IV in and Jeff barely made it by to say good-bye to me before they wheeled me
off. It was all happening so fast but honestly it was great because it was less
time for me to have anxiety and question what I was doing.
Surgery was successful. I had a hiatal hernia repaired, a massive amount of scar tissue removed (from all my previous surgeries) and had 2/3 of my stomach removed. I stayed in the
hospital overnight and was able to come home the following evening. My hospital stay wasn’t the greatest, I had a
pretty whack nurse but I also had a really awesome one so it balanced out.
I arrived home, moving extremely slow and
was extremely blessed that the ladies from our life group had brought my family
dinner. Each night for 6 nights they blessed my heart so much by loving on my
family and bringing them diner. I was able to drink 1 oz of fluid every 15
minutes. I was drinking protein shakes, water and Gatorade.
For those of you thinking “oh you took the
easy way out”… oh I have something to say about that. Easy?
Easy?? This has hardly been easy. This entire journey from years ago to now has
been difficult. Mentally, physically & emotionally. It wasn’t easy getting fit and being healthy
and then blowing my knee out and gaining weight back that I worked so hard to
lose. It wasn’t easy hearing the doctor tell
me I was going to die if I didn’t get my weight under control. It’s not easy walking into the children’s
school and wondering if I’m an embarrassment to them because I’m so over
weight. It was not easy going to the
doctor every 3 weeks for 6 months in preparation for the surgery. It wasn’t
easy being on liquids for 5 weeks straight, during Christmas I might add, and
not able to have a single bite of food…NOT A SINGLE BITE was consumed over the
holidays. It was not easy to cook meals
for the family, for 8 weeks, knowing I couldn’t eat any it (during my liquid,
pureed and soft food phase). It has not
been easy to walk through this knowing so many people will judge me regardless
of my choices. This isn’t a pity party. This is real life and what overweight
people struggle with. Thankfully, I
don’t rely on the validation of others to get me through this life. Although
people’s opinions matter to me (more than they should at times), I do care
about what my family and friends think but I know my ultimate validation lies
in the hands of the Lord and I want to be the best person I can be to live out
the life he has set for me. No one has promised us an easy life; no one has it
“easy”. I’m grateful for these difficult
times as it’s brought me closer to the Lord and closer to my husband. My
strength through this has come from Him and only Him because it’s unexplained
any other way.
Since Surgery...
I’ve heard “oh Trina, you
look great” “Trina, you look gorgeous”… See, this is the BIGGEST problem with
the world we live in. Few, VERY FEW people
would tell me how beautiful I was when I was overweight… so why am I suddenly
so beautiful now? I’m the same person, I have the same heart. True friends love you through thick and thin.
My husband has loved me through thick and thin (and thick and thin and thick
and thin). My Mom and children have loved me through thick and thin. I have
friends who loved me thought thick and thin.
Don’t get me wrong, compliments are nice, it feels good that others
recognize the hard work. Since I was
cleared to work out, I have been working my butt off (literally) and it does
feel good for people to recognize that. So many things have changed this past
year, the way I look at food has changed, the way I look at overall health has
changed… and the way I look at obesity has changed. We are all uniquely beautiful regardless of
our outer appearance.
If you’ve managed to read this extremely
long blog, thank you. Thank you for
caring enough to read about me, my journey and my walk to a healthier life. I
began writing this in September to document my journey prior to surgery but
then I hesitated and life happened. It’s
morphed into a lot of words and the pouring out of my heart. I want to leave
you with this challenge. Stop being judgmental. When you see someone who is overweight,
picture perfect, insecure, feeling down, or happy as can be, give them a
compliment and mean it. People are not overweight because they want to be.
There are lots of life circumstances that cause obesity and its time we stop
looking at it as a sick and disgusting problem and start focusing on the
beautiful people we all are. Don’t get
me wrong, I don’t encourage obesity. It’s not ok, it’s not how God has designed
us to be but he also didn’t design us to be judgmental jerks. LOVE ONE
ANOTHER!!
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