Journey to Health, Volume III

One year ago, I was meeting with a nutritionist every three weeks as part of my journey to a healthier lifestyle.  If someone would have told me last year that I’d be where I am today, I wouldn’t have believed them. Matter of fact, I likely would have called them a liar and been upset for false hope.  You see, I was told for years by multiple doctors that I’d never lose the weight, and unfortunately I truly believed that.  I never thought I’d be able to be healthy again. I was extremely insecure and believed what they told me. I’ve believed doctors for years, even far before my weight gain.  Even back to when I was 16 years old and they wanted to perform a hysterectomy on me because of all the problems I had with cysts and fibroids. They told me I’d never have children and that I’d have problems the rest of my life.  Well, here I am, 3 beautiful (birth) children later. The more I think about it, the more I despise doctors, the medical field and the FDA. Before you get all crazy on me, hear me out. I get it, doctors are necessary, they save lives and can treat some illness. They repair broken bones and often go above and beyond to help their patients. Keep in mind, I am currently still under the care of several doctors. I am very grateful for SO MANY doctors throughout the years who have performed surgery on my husband, my children and me for broken bones, tumors, gall bladders… the list goes on and on! I am grateful for the doctors/therapists who helped me through a time of grief after my father passed away and for the ones who believed in me that I could one day be healthy again.  I’m also very upset with some doctors who took extreme measures and jumped into surgery when there were alternate options (and no one will convince me that this wasn’t due to having great insurance).  If I only knew then what I know now… J

Where am I today…

I’ve maintained my weight loss over the past 3 months. The scale will fluctuate a pound, or three, every few days but I’ve not lost any significate amount in a couple of months. This is actually good!  I’ve lost a total of 90 pounds. My body has also caught up with the weight loss so although I haven’t been losing weight, I was still losing inches. I am completely comfortable with where I am in my progress. I’d honestly be content if I didn’t lose another pound. Just the fact that I can go outside and play ball with my son, run (jog) a few miles or go up 3 flights of stairs without DYING, I am happy with where I am. I don’t have a specific goal to reach when it comes to my weight, my goal was simply to feel better, have more energy and feel comfortable in my own skin again. And, I do! I’ve gained back some confidence and feel comfortable leaving the house again.

Being overweight for the past five years changed my identity. I hid behind my kids in pictures (and now realize how stupid I look in all of them, hiding behind a kid… as if people really couldn’t see how large I was) and didn’t like social settings unless I was in my own home.  Prior to being overweight I LOVED going out with friends, traveling, going out to eat and taking the kids anywhere they wanted to go (within reason of course).  I have also always loved being home; I just love the comfort of my own home, having friends over for BBQs, Crawfish Boils, Chili cook-offs, or to simply hang out while the children play.  However, when I got to the point of not wanting to leave the house, because of my insecurities of constantly feeling judged I became a prisoner in my own home. It’s not fun. It causes unnecessary anxiety and additional health problems. I know I don’t need the world’s approval of my appearance and I know I don’t need validation from any human. I know who I get my validation from! Have I always? NO! Am I proud of that? Absolutely Not!  I am growing in my relationship with Him just like the next person.  I could go down a deep rabbit hole here... Let's leave it with my new favorite saying... Don’t let your circumstance dictate your future!

If you are suffering with your appearance and/or weight, please reach out to me. I can’t wave a magic wand and fix anything but I will certainly listen, encourage and be a friend who you can confide in.

When He speaks, we listen…

In my last blog, Kiarra has Graduated, I shared a link to Kiarra’s testimony (if you have not watched her testimony, I encourage you to watch it – it’s pretty incredible I must say) where she shared her plans for college. ‘HER’ plans for college!  Well, her plans and my plans were pretty much aligned. We talked about it quite often and I was thrilled that she was going to be staying home for two year to attend a local community college. Not only because I wanted here but because she wanted to be here as well. For reasons like, watching her siblings grow up, serving in church and saving money while she figured out what she really wanted for her future.

The week of June 19^th, she and 20+ other youth from our church headed to Dallas for YFN (the same camp she talks about in her testimony—seriously, go watch it).  Throughout the week, she heard from the Lord that she should give up her plans and walk with Him in all ways and that includes college. The plans He has for her future.  Kiarra came back from camp beaming from ear to ear. She shared with us that evening the plans He has for her that she will attend Christ for the Nations Institute (CFNI) in Dallas. Because I was in a room of several people I held my composure and kept it together. I mean, I can’t be mad that He wants her to attend a bible college. Who can argue or even be mad with that? I do wish I would have been told privately instead of in a room with other kids and adults but the message was loud and clear and I know it was beneficial for others to hear this as well. If there had been time before hand, I know she would have shared it with us prior to sharing in the larger group.

So many amazing blessings and life changes came out of that camp. Over 1000 kids are in attendance each week of this camp. They have time for worship, time for games and amazing messages each day.  Then, each night the kids from our church and the leaders that accompanied then, all gathered and shared their experiences from the day. Lives were saved, futures were determined and their love for the Lord is now stronger than ever.

Being prepared for this moment

As Kiarra was sharing what He had revealed to her at camp, I felt an overwhelming sense of calm. The Lord had been preparing me for this for the past year.  Last year after camp, our youth pastor shared some things with me and from that moment, my heart began to prepare for this time. Over the past year, I asked Kiarra no less than 3 times about going away to college. I asked “are you sure you don’t want to be a youth pastor?”  “Are you sure you don’t want to be a children’s pastor?” “Are you sure you don’t want to be a worship pastor?”  Each time, I’d get a little giggle out of her with a solid NO!  I don’t believe I alone held my composure when she revealed this to us, I KNOW He had prepared me for this time. Had I of known these plans prior to graduation, I wouldn’t have been able to enjoy that day as I would have been an emotional mess. Knowing then that she would be staying home for two years (possibly more) gave me a sense of peace as I knew I wasn’t moving her out of the house in 3 months. I was able to enjoy graduation and her party because I knew she wasn’t leaving home for a few years. I can 100% understand how Moms are so upset during graduation and as they prepare to send their children off to college. It’s sad, it’s hard, and it’s now my reality.  Although I felt prepared to hear those words, I wasn’t prepared for the tears I’d shed later that night. Everything hit me at once. I thought I had 2 more years to pour into her, protect her and walk alongside her and now that was being ripped right out from under me. Taryn had a total melt down and I struggled to comfort her as I couldn’t contain the tears myself. We hugged and we cried and we wiped each others tears. I was awake most of the night, crying and thinking…and crying more. I prayed and I cried and I prayed more. I’m not sad for her, I’m sad for me. Selfishly sad.  I am extremely proud of her and so happy for what her future has in store. I'm going to miss her, a piece of my heart is leaving. I would think "is this it?" "Is this the last time she'll live with us?"  I already have my answer to that...and I'm satisfied with it.

So now what?

She received a very clear message during camp that she is to begin CFNI in January. She thought about attending community college this fall but that would simply be a waste of time and money as none of the credits would transfer (nothing to transfer to).  She will continue working at TSA this fall and will God willing, will begin at CFNI in January 2018.  She is fulling allowing Him to lead her path on this (how cool is that – I’m seriously learning so much from this girl). She doesn’t know which program she’ll complete as she’s waiting for that to be revealed to her. They have 3 year bachelor programs and all classes are chosen for the students their first year. Harvey, Kiarra’s boyfriend, will leave for basic training in August. I believe the Lord has called her to CFNI in January so she’ll be home to see him off in addition to needing our support during that time.

To finish this puzzle... CFNI is the college that puts on the camp she has attended the past two year, Youth for the Nations (YFN). Next summer, she will get to be part of this camp and leading others to Christ.. (talk about goose bumps!).

Sooo… out with Lone Star Community College and in with CFNI!!