Overwhelmed but Grateful

I don’t give this guy enough credit… Just as I type this, I have tears in my eyes because this man loves me more than I deserve to be loved. It’s been an emotional couple of weeks, gearing up for the girls to leave, the anticipation of Jayden heading off to college and entering the real world and then just the of three of us left here at the house.

Last night, Jeff asked me if I was feeling depressed. My answer to that was a solid NO. I don’t feel depressed and although I’m sad from time to time, I’m really just overwhelmed. Overwhelmed with the uncertainties of Covid, the constant changes and just the unknowns of school and our future is overwhelming for me. It really makes me so sad to see everyone in masks... is this what our future is going to look like?  I’m overwhelmed with a million little things, some of which are completely irrelevant, but others that are heavy and they consume my thoughts (health, racial divide, home improvements, do we sell, do we stay, finances, should I look for a new job during this time, peer pressure on the kids, awareness of sex trafficking, my business, my family, I miss my Mom, do we buy school clothes or more pajamas, the list goes on and on). 

Today, I had a dentist appointment to get a tiny little filling. If you know anything about me you know I’m terrified of the dentist. I previously had to use the gas mask just to get my teeth cleaned. Thankfully, with the help of my essential oils, I was able to stop using the gas mask during cleanings and instead I oil up before I arrive to my appointment. When I made this appointment to get my filling, I had full intentions of using the gas mask. My appointment had to be scheduled for a longer amount of time in order to use the gas mask and so I was certain I’d use it. Well, last night I decided I wasn’t going to. I’m not so sure where this came from but it was pretty heavy on my heart not to use the gas mask. I was nervous and I thought about calling to cancel the appointment 317 times today but I made a decision and I was going to stick to it. I oiled up before I left the house. On my way to the appointment, I spoke with one of my friends who encouraged me and I knew I was making the right decision. I got to the dentist office and as I sat in my car, I look up and there stood my handsome husband with a beautiful card in his hand. He knew how terrified I was to go into this appointment today and although that sounds ridiculous, because I’m 41 years old and shouldn’t be scared of the dentist, it’s real anxiety. I didn’t open the card as I knew I’d get get emotional and I really felt prepared to walk in there and tell them I changed my mind and would not need the gas mask. I was in and out of the office in about 40 minutes and I’m proud to say that I did not need the gas mask. I held my little bottle of essential oil in my hand, and when I needed it I took a little sniff (only one time). Y’all, this is huge!! 

I got home just in time to say goodbye to Kiarra, she has been here for the last couple of days to take a second load of her things back to school. She left and I went back into my office and started working again. Jeff finished up a conference call and left the house and came back with a Starbucks drink for me. Y’all, it’s not even that big of a deal… it’s a card and a drink, but it really is the little things that matter so much. ☺️❤️

Taryn returns home today (she’s been glamping at the lake all week) and one week from today, Jayden leaves.

Just knowing this great man is by my side, holding my hand and wiping my tears when they fall, makes my heart pitter patter. 🥰❤️🥰  But more importantly, knowing we serve a BIG BIG God who has much bigger plans for our life, who takes away our fears and anxieties, and gives us hope for our future, is the only reassurance we ever need. When we start to feel overwhelmed, we really can turn to him, we can seek his face anytime, anyplace and he will be there, arms wide open.