Tuesday, June 2, 2020

I can’t stay silent, I won’t

To my white friends and family, maybe I can help you understand something that’s taken me years to understand. As you are my friend on this platform I’m asking you, as my friend, to read this in it’s entirety and keep an open mind. Don’t be quick to think “this doesn’t apply to me”. 
WHITE PRIVILEGE 
I haven’t always understood this term. My husband tried to explain it but I just didn’t understand, I became offended and we had to “agree to disagree” at that time (years ago). 

I thought that because I grew up in a broken home, got groceries with food stamps and was on the free lunch program at school, that I wasn’t privileged at all. 

When I heard “white privilege” I thought of Beverly Hills, CEOs and celebrities. I thought it applied to super wealthy white people who can do whatever they want, buy whatever they want, fancy cars, big houses, buy themselves out of trouble, etc. I didn’t understand that it applied to me. 

It has always applied to me and if your skin is like mine, it applies to you too. 

White privilege doesn’t mean you’ve never had to struggle. It doesn’t mean you’ve had it easy or that you’re not currently struggling.

White privilege is a built in advantage that doesn’t have anything to do with our income, education or effort. We have greater access to power and resources than those of color. 

White privilege is not something we asked for and it’s not something we can control by ourselves. Now that I understand it, I can speak up and bring awareness and I’m hoping you can understand it now as well. 

I’ve done my best to teach my children to love and respect everyone. But that’s not enough, we must do more. 

You are privileged whether you want to admit it or not. Think about this... 

I can leave my house anytime of day or night and no one cares.

I can walk in my neighborhood  with a hoodie on and no one looks twice. No one says “oh there’s that thug white girl with a hoodie, we better watch her”.  NO ONE LOOKS TWICE. This is not the case for my husband and son. 

I can go to a store and walk around the entire store without one person watching and following me. My husband and son cannot. 

I can get pulled over by police (and I have many times... sorry, I like to drive fast) and not one time have I felt afraid of them. This is not the case for my husband and son. Typically, I sweet talk my way out of the ticket and leave with a warning. My husband has gotten a ticket every-single-time. Maybe he’s not as sweet of a talker as me. Or maybe it’s because he’s Black. 

That is just a small snippet of white privilege. 

BLACK LIVES MATTER
Please do not stop reading here. This is not saying “only” black lives matter. If you are still saying and hash tagging “all lives matter” you are missing the point. In the grand scheme of things, yes of course everyone matters but that is not the point. Think of this. If Taryn, my 13 year old, cuts her leg and we rush her to the hospital we will expect the doctors to take care of her. We don’t need them to stitch up Jeff or Jayden or anyone else who is with us because nothing is wrong with them. They are not cut, they are not in pain and they are not bleeding. We need the doctors to tend to her because SHE IS IN PAIN, AND SHE IS BLEEDING.
Do you understand now? Is that explanation elementary enough for you? 
Black lives matter because they are hurting. They are bleeding. They have endured years of discrimination from us and the BLM movement is to open our eyes to this. It’s not saying their lives matter more than ours, they want to matter and be equal. Be treated with dignity and respect. 

I truly hope that none of you, my friends on this platform, are racist. When I first started dating Jeff, some of my family members were not initially supportive. Small town white girl moves to Houston and falls in love with a black guy. They were not rude, they were cautious and protective. As soon as they met him, they quickly realized that he’s a nice person and they began to see him the way I see him. Well, not quite exactly the same, but they loved him because he treated me good and they accepted him.  There were however a few family members who didn’t accept him. One asked us not to return to their place of business because “it was bad for business”. I was super close to this person. I went there every time I was with my Dad growing up and through high school. It hurt my heart, it still hurts. I know I will never fully understand how this hurts Jeffs heart. I only see a glimpse of what my husband has dealt with his whole life, and that glimpse tears my heart apart, I can’t even fathom the pain from living it every day. 

If you claim to not see color, what do you see?? You should see color. We are not all the same and we are not all treated equal. By saying you don’t see color is offensive and turning a blind eye. You should see the beautiful skin they were blessed with. God created them, just as he created you and I and you should see this. You should open your eyes and see that they are treated very different from you and I. See the color. Embrace the cultural differences.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you. I ask that you think about yourself, your loved ones and mine.

My brother has been a state trooper for over 20 years and we have dear friends who are police officers. I know there are WAY MORE good cops than bad cops. Nothing about my message above is intended to bring any discussion at all about police officers. We love them and we need them. And I love and need my husband and son. This issue is SO much greater than the police brutality we’ve seen in the news. It starts with you. Even if you love all and are not racist, it still starts with you. You can share posts to raise awareness to your friends who may be racist or bias. You can take a stand and speak up for those who don’t have a voice. Don’t be silent. Don’t turn a blind eye.

And last but certainly not least, we need to pray. When I pray in these situations, I pray not only for the family and loved ones of the victim(s) who lost someone very special to them, but that these situations won’t happen again. Just because we pray for things not to happen, it doesn’t mean they won’t. We all have free will to do as we choose.  We either choose to love and not judge/hate someone based on their skin color or we choose to hate them. We either teach our kids to hate based on this or we teach them to love all. This is taught, no one is born hating someone. I pray for unity and that the damage from generations and generations of racism/discrimination/hate that’s been instilled into so many will have their eyes opened and they will begin to love all and not discriminate based on the color of someone’s skin, or their religion, or lifestyle.

Spread love not hate. 








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