Goodbye 2018, Hello 2019!!

I’ve always been an open book, especially in my blog, however so many things in 2018 were things I didn’t share publicly. I’ve never been one to share everything about every day of my life through Facebook or other social media posts, but I have always been quite open here. That said, I’m more reserved these days in my writing as the kids are older now and I want to respect their privacy.

As you already know, 2018 started out emotional as Kiarra moved to Dallas to attend CFNI. Her moving away was hard on me, it was hard on all of us. I always knew it would be hard and that I’d be sad, but I never thought I’d be the parent that would basically fall apart and struggle to breathe. She was only 4 hours away, yet it felt like a million. Each time she’d come home and then leave again, I felt a part of my heart breaking and aching.  I was (and still am) so proud of her and her obedience to the Lord for following the direction He laid out for her. She is learning more about Him and growing into an independent young lady right before my eyes.

Jayden had an exciting start to the year, he got his drivers license!!  There is something wonderful about having children who can drive. His Grandfather was generous and gave him his Toyota 4 Runner and so he lucked out with not having to pay for his own vehicle. Soon after, he started driving to school and having more independence. From what I’ve seen and heard, he’s a good driver. 

Taryn started dancing again and it’s almost like she never missed a day, let alone years. She is such a beautiful dancer. We absolutely love this dance studio.  They only dance to appropriate music and their costumes for recital are modest (and gorgeous).  She did ballet and jazz and had a wonderful teacher (who happened to graduate with Kiarra).  Taryn had a dance recital in May and it was so great. The entire production was well organized and beautifully done. Over the summer she took a couple of dance classes and now she’s doing Jazz, Hip Hop and Contemporary. She just performed in the winter recital.

Our Life Group kicked off again and we welcomed a new family. Jeff and I really enjoy hosting and facilitating this group each Sunday in our home. We have a time of study and we all share a meal together. With Kiarra being away at college we knew it was going to be a bit challenging to sort out what to do with the kids. Thankfully, Jayden and Taryn assured us they’d be able to handle them and they did.  Even if they mostly watched movies or played games, the kids were taken care of and that’s all that matters.

My grandfather passing away in March was tough. He was my last living grandparent and someone I greatly respected. My husband loved him like he was his own and Grandpa treated Jeff like he was his own Grandson. To sum it up, this is what I shared at the funeral:

Good Morning, For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Trina and I’m Grandpa Duane’s 8^th grandchild and the daughter of Marilyn.

Last night, my cousin Kari shared a lot of great memories with and about Grandpa. Being the youngest of the 9 grandchildren, and so close in age, we were glued at the hip at all family gatherings, the fishing trips to the lake and all the great times at the hotel and we share all the same memories. Instead of sharing all the same memories again, I’d like to share some that my children have had that I’ve been fortunate to witness.

We live in Texas and my children love coming to Iowa. We always stay at Grandpa’s house. Matter of fact, he wouldn’t have it any other way. In the summers my children loved helping their Great Grandpa in the garden and in the winter, they loved helping him scoop snow.  Well, Jayden loved to help, the girls liked to watch and just play in the snow.

They spent hours upon hours sitting at the kitchen table playing Skip-bo, keeping an eye on Grandpa so he wouldn’t play out of turn.

They’d sit and watch his old westerns with him and get the biggest kick out of his reactions like it was the first time he’d seen the episode (and we all know it was likely the 100^th time he’d watched it).

Most days we’d wake up and they’d ask, “where’s Grandpa?” “Oh, he’s out hauling cattle” Mom would say… Or “he’s out mowing for so and so.”  They have seen an incredible work ethic from this man that I am so very fortunate to have as my Grandpa.

Taryn’s favorite memory with him is getting him to smile. In the past few years he didn’t smile as much as he once did, and it was her mission to get him to laugh and smile. She had a way of accomplishing each time.

Jayden’s favorite memory is tilling the garden with Grandpa in preparation for planting his famous corn, tomatoes and radishes.

Kiarra’s favorite memory is playing cards, specifically Skip-bo.

I’m fortunate that my children had the opportunity to know and love their great Grandpa and vice versa. He not only loved them, but he loved my husband.  He accepted him with open arms and we joked that he loved Jeff more than he loved me. Years ago, before his health declined, my husband would have a hot breakfast waiting for him each morning when we’d visit. Jeff would say over and over “I don’t want anything Grandpa”, but Grandpa wasn’t having it. He insisted that Jeff have eggs, bacon, and toast. Grandpa was a very kind and caring man. Selfless and just awesome!  We’ll miss you grandpa.

May was another tough month. Kiarra came home Mother’s Day weekend and poured her heart out to me. She shared with me that she had a large burden on her shoulders and that it was time to make a big decision. This didn’t come easy and certainly wasn’t taken lightly. After 2.5 years of dating Harvey, it was time to end the relationship. There was no fight or falling out. She was being obedient to what she heard in her prayer time. She fought it for months because she didn’t want to do it but the time had come where the burden was so heavy she was no longer herself. She wept… we wept together. These two had talked about marriage and he had already asked us for her hand in marriage. We loved him and his family. This wasn’t only hard on her and then on him, it was hard on all of us. It’s taken faith to get us through this time. There really isn’t a way to understand it, we stand on our trust in the Lord. We stand on His steadfast love for each one of us. We stand on the faith we have in Jesus.  

The school year was over before we knew it and it was SUMMER! My co-worker was going on maternity leave in the middle of June and so I was going to be holding the fort down on my own here in the US. This also meant that if we were going to take a family vacation that we needed to do it immediately.  We settled on making a quick trip to South Padre Island. We had a great time at the beach and out on the water on the excursions we took. We all thought we were going to love snorkeling, but it was not as awesome as we thought it would be.  Other than that, I recommend this place for a quick vacation. We enjoyed the dolphin watching excursion as well as the sunset dinner cruise. We ate super delicious seafood and took advantage of the pool at our condo.

We returned from vacation and Jayden started working as a life guard.  We kept telling him to have the best summer ever and he certainly did. It landed him in some trouble, but he had fun while it lasted.  During these trials, the Lord was really working in us and with the help of our Pastors and friends we walked through some situations. It’s so hard as a parent to know when to show tough love, when to show grace and when to discipline. It’s hard to decide a punishment for a teenager who is, 98.5% of the time, a really great kid.  Do you take their car away?  Phone?  What if they need their phone to work?  Can’t take everything away… or can you?  We did.  We screwed up, we disciplined harshly, sometimes raising our voices and losing control, we showed grace, we loved very tough and sometimes not tough enough. Through it all, I was so very grateful for God’s grace over my mistakes in parenting. I am quick to seek forgiveness when I have wronged someone, especially my husband and children. I’m still learning how to parent these beautiful children that the Lord has blessed us with.  As we go through the ups and downs of life, we need His grace. Just as He gives us grace, we must also give our children grace. They were born sinners. They were sinning before they even knew what a sin was. We all sin. We all must seek forgiveness for our sins and thankfully we are forgiven.

Kiarra was in Dallas most of the summer due to commitments at school. As part of her program, she worked two different camps on campus. One was for little kids during KFN where she got to teach them to bake (which is right up her alley) and the other was with pre-teens where she was one of their counselors.

Tamia had a birthday in July and we asked if we could take her to dinner to celebrate. She said YES! She picked the restaurant and we drove down and had dinner. Although it was just “dinner”, it was so much more than that to us. It was the beginning to the repairing of our relationship with her. We had a great time and really enjoyed hanging out with her and she seemed to really enjoy hanging with us again too.  In August she went off to college and she assured us that she’d be spending thanksgiving with us (and she did).

The girls and I took a trip to Iowa before school started. My Mom and her sisters needed help getting ready for the estate sale and then needed help during the actual sale. Jayden had football so couldn’t go with us. It was a long and exhausting week but so glad we were there to help and be part of it.  On our way home, we dropped Kiarra off in Dallas and we returned just in time for school to start. It was back to setting alarm clocks, busy schedules and late night homework. But it also meant football games, family dinners and structure.

In September Jeff and I went to Utah for the annual doTERRA convention. We hadn’t taken a trip, just the two of us, since our honeymoon. We had a great time and are looking forward to going again this year. We learned an overwhelming amount of information and enjoyed all the presenters and entertainers (especially Hugh Jackman). We heard first hand about all the new oils and products and all the wonderful things doTERRA is doing around the globe. Truly changing the lives of millions.

We hosted Thanksgiving again this year. Jeff’s parents, brother and family, cousin and our friends were all here and we shared a delicious meal. Something very secretive was going and I soon realized Jeff had something up his sleeve.  Behind my back he pulled each person to the side and privately presented them with a Blessing. I had no idea he was doing this. It’s just another reason I love him so much!  Once he was finished, he gathered everyone together and presented a Blessing to Tamia, Kiarra, Jayden, Taryn and then me (best for last - hahaha). It was an incredible evening. Having Tamia here with us for Thanksgiving allowed us to reconnect in a new beautiful way that only God could have orchestrated. And we just spend an incredible 3 days with her and our other children playing games, watching movies and eating. I thank God for those 3 days.

December could be it’s own very long blog post. To sum it up, I’ve been on the struggle bus. Parenting has tested every cell of patience.  I’m not questioning my faith, but I have certainly questioned other things. I’ve questioned my parenting, my discipline, my ability to manage our finances, my friendships, my career, etc. Christmas was heavy this year. It was different, not only was it the first one without Grandpa, but I was carrying so many burdens. I couldn’t shake some of them. It didn’t matter how much I prayed, my brain was a whirlwind of confusion and chaos. I couldn’t even get one prayer out before I was word vomiting a million other prayers and allowing my mind to drift.  Through each prayer, I'd be consumed of other deaths or be reminded of life's happenings. My cousins wife passed away a week prior to Christmas. Our friends from church lost their baby boy just 5 days before Christmas (who have shown more faith than anyone I've ever seen in my entire life after such loss).  A guy I grew up with passed away on Christmas Eve in a tragic car accident.  I knew, without her even saying, that Kiarra was struggling to figure out how to pay for college next semester as she doesn’t have enough to cover the down payment. Jayden has been struggling to make good choices and things with sports have been frustrating. My Mom’s house is under construction and I hate seeing her live like that. I was so grateful that the new toilets and showers were working in the new bathrooms, but the house is just a hot mess. Renovations take time, I get it but I just hate seeing it like that.  Taryn didn’t even want to go to Iowa this year because she didn’t want to have to say goodbye to her Grandma again. Taryn heart has been burdened by some choices of loved ones. She takes things very personal as if someone is intentionally sinning to hurt her and so I had conversations with her about how sin starts at birth and how it’s part of life.  This conversation wrecked me. She simply can’t understand why someone would want to make bad choices, especially when those choices hurt other people.  My niece recently moved out of state and I’m concerned for her.  I don’t share a handful of the long list of burdens for sympathy or even empathy. I share because I, just like many of you, have many burdens on our hands at any given time.  My heart was burdened with so many things I could barely enjoy time with the family. I let the enemy steal my joy. My head was filled with conversations that soon needed to happen with our children, with friends, with other loved ones.  My prayers never stopped, it felt like I was always praying (which isn’t a bad thing).  I don’t for a second doubt that we are on this journey for a reason. I know He has brought us to it and He will bring us through it. I know that He is good and faithful and abundant. I know that He is Lord of all and nothing, and I mean NOTHING, can separate us from his love.  And I also know that these things are small compared to other burdens people are carrying. I don’t think mine are greater than anyone else’s and again, I only share to let someone else know that they are not alone in the gazillion burdens they are carrying. There is hope in Father.

2019 is going to be a big year for our family. I’m excited to grow my relationship with the Lord and grow my business.  I’m ready to take each bump in the road with grace and faith. And I’m really excited for the big milestones in our party of 6.

• Kiarra will be 20 in February, no longer a teenager.
• I will be 40 in May.
• Jayden will be 18 in June.
• Tamia will be 21 in July.
• Jeff and I will celebrate our 20^th anniversary in September.
• Taryn will be 13 in November, another teenager in the house.

I’m ready for 2019!  I’m ready to pray more and worry less.