Journey to Health, Volume II

Surgery Day

I’ve had many surgeries over the years and it’s always the same routine, check in early in the morning, wait. Get called back, wait.  Get your gown on and an IV started, wait.  Talk to the doctor, wait. Answer the same 15 questions eight different times, wait. Finally go to the OR…1…2…3…OUT.  Wake up in recovery extremely exhausted and annoyed that they won’t just let you sleep and then an hour or so later you are in the car and headed home.  95% of my surgeries have gone exactly this way. There is only one time I remember spending the night in the hospital, after a surgery, and that was when I had my hysterectomy.

As mentioned in volume I, I had my surgery on Thursday, December 29^th; the day after Kiarra had her four wisdom teeth removed.  I was so concerned about her that I didn’t even want to leave her the day after her surgery for my own surgery. Surgery was scheduled for late morning so I was at least able to care for her prior to heading to the hospital that morning.  I had made a very detailed list of exactly what Jayden and Taryn needed to do to care for her until I got home later that day. I knew the surgery would take 3 hours and then I’d be in recovery for an hour or two and would be home by 6-7 pm.

We arrived at the hospital around 9:30 am and I was immediately called back.  In the round of questions and conversations with the nurse, she told me to put my clothes in my overnight bag… Ummmmm say what??  I said “oh, I’m not staying the night” and she looked at me like I had lost my mind and said “oh yes you are.”  Ummmm Houston, we have a problem. My child is home, being taken care of by a 10 year old and a 15 year old and you are telling me that I am not going home today???  I immediately started crying. Jayden was at basketball practice, so really Kiarra was home with a 10 year old at this point.  I was already nervous just to have the surgery, thinking another dose of anesthesia might just send me to meet Jesus, but I was also emotional and tired (from caring for Kiarra every two hours through the night).  The doctor came by and was questioning the nurse about why I wasn’t ready to go back and asked me why I was crying.  I was trying NOT to be a big baby but was just overwhelmed with emotion.  He assured me that he told me during my pre-op appointment that I would be spending the night (and I’m sure he did). As a matter of fact, thinking back to my pre-surgery appointment at the hospital, they told me too.

I was soon rolled back to the OR and 1…2…3…OUT. And I was pretty much out the remainder of the day. I vaguely remember my friend Jocelin coming by to see me.  I remember hearing her and Jeff talking but my lips were tied shut and my brain wouldn’t work so I couldn’t respond to them.  I also remember my friend Lynette coming by. My brain still wouldn’t work and I don’t think I acknowledged her being there but I remember waking up once and seeing her sitting in the chair.  Actually, I think Lynette came before Jocelin… but I don’t know and Jeff can’t remember either… maybe they gave him propofol too.  I also remember the terrible nurse I had that night.  I was hooked up to IVs and had those legs pump things on my legs to keep from getting blood clots and was still extremely drugged so I couldn’t exactly do things on my own. I recall (or maybe I just remember from my friends telling me the stories) calling for my nurse to come help me go to the restroom and she was taking forever so  I just unhooked myself and took myself to the toilet.  They were pumping me with so much fluid that I had to pee every hour and each time I had to unhook myself, get my IV stand unplugged and make my way to the restroom.  Typically this would be fine but I remember being so dizzy and irritated. I remember trying to wash my hands and practically falling asleep standing at the sink. Jeff was with me the majority of the day but went home that night to care for Kiarra and get some rest so he could take care of both of us.  Around midnight, they made me walk the halls. I thought I was going to die.  Y’all, I am a big wuss!!  I admit it. I don’t like pain and I hate the feeling of being drugged. I don’t understand why people do drugs and don’t understand why people like the feeling of not having control.  At this point they were still giving me a lot of pain medication as well so it was a long journey around the floor. I’m sure I saw butterflies and roses! They wanted me to go twice but I was not having it.  This nurse was extremely sweet and so awesome. She had to come into my room every hour to check my vitals and she was so kind and caring each time.  I only slept for 30 minutes each hour because of having to get up and walk for 10 minutes each time she took my vitals…and of course use the restroom. I think I was getting a bag of fluid every two hours.

Road to Recovery

Friday, Jeff arrived at the hospital super early in the morning thinking the doctor would make his rounds early… WRONG!  The nurse told us that he likely wouldn’t come until later in the afternoon.  He stayed around for an hour or so and then I sent him home to care for Kiarra.  I slept off and on, getting up each hour to do my 10 minutes of walking. I could tell they had started to wean me off the pain meds because the pain in my abdomen was no joke. I was also sooo thirsty but they wouldn’t allow me to have anything to drink, not even ice chips. At some point that morning, I was wheeled to X-Ray to do a barium swallow so they could ensure everything was good with my new stomach and that I could begin drinking fluids.

My friend Hayley came by and we were able to catch up and have a nice chat. I do remember her being there and I remember talking but I don’t have any memory of what we talked about. Narcotics are no joke. They really mess with your brain. Don’t do drugs!!.. Ok, ok, moving on.  Jeff and the kids came and it was so good to see all of them, especially Kiarra. I was so worried about her. She was looking pretty tired and so swollen. Taryn was most excited to see me. She is the worrier of the family and was really worried about me. They didn’t stay long, my mother and father in law picked them up and took them home so Jeff could stay with me until the doctor came.

We waited and waited and then finally the nurse came in and said I could have some Gatorade. YAY!!  I think Gatorade is absolutely disgusting but at this point, I could drink anything so I was not going to complain… well, I wasn’t going to complain until they brought me grape.  GROSS!!!  Seriously though, it wasn’t all that bad. I was only allowed to drink 1 oz. every 15 minutes and it felt great to drink something, even it was nasty grape Gatorade, so I was happy.

My doctor came by around 6 pm and said everything looked good and said I could go home if I wanted to.  Ummm, heck YEA!!  Who would opt to stay another night?? Not me!

Within minutes the nurses had my discharge papers and we were outta there.

The drive was brutal on my abdomen that was in so much pain. We got home and I was exhausted. Thankfully, we have furniture that reclines. Kiarra wasn’t able to sleep lying down and I was in too much pain to lie down so we crashed together and made the family room our room for the next week (or 3 weeks… more about that another time).

The first few days were tough, mostly because of pain. Sitting down was the worst but getting up was quite painful as well. Prior to surgery, when I was on liquids only, if I got hungry I would drink a protein shake or a ton of water. Now, I’m not able to do that. 1 oz. every 15 minutes was all I could have. I wasn’t necessarily hungry, but I was thirsty. I would get up and make laps around the house every hour (unless I was sleeping) and each time I would check on my sweet Kiarra and apply oils to her cheeks and give her pain medication. I was so happy to be able to take care of her (even though I could barely care for myself).

• Day three was the absolute worst day of recovery. This was also New Years Eve and the day those pesky gas pains set in. I’ve kept a journal throughout this journey and day three says “seriously I want to die”.  This is also the day I started using Essential Oils to help with the recovery.  Let me clarify, I didn’t really want to die but I did want those pains to go away.  Jeff and the kids went and hung out with some friends and my friend Jocelin came over and hung out with me.

• Day four I woke up and feeling pretty good, even though I only had 3 hours of sleep from all the fireworks.  We had my in-laws over to do Christmas gift exchange. It wasn’t long and I was in pain and feeling tired again.  I rested off and on throughout the day.

• Day five - this is the day I realized I had an amazing essential oil in my collection. Digest Zen! Ahhhhhhhh!!!!  This essential oil is amazing. They are all amazing but you need different ones at different times and this day, Digest Zen, a doTERRA blend, was like heaven to me.  I was tired but feeling great. We even had some friends over that night for a game night.

• Day six – My first day out of the house since surgery. The girls and I went and got pedicures and had a trip to Target. We barely got to Target when I realized I needed to get home and get home fast.  While I was at home, I was really good about drinking 1 oz. of fluid every 15 minutes however, when I was out that day, I was not good about it and was quickly weak and extremely tired.  This day I added 5 Essential Oils to my regime (Frankincense, Deep Blue, Melaleuca, On Guard, and Aroma Touch). This was in addition to the ones I was using on a daily basis (Breathe, Peppermint, Cheer, On Guard, Digest Zen, Clary Calm, Immortelle, Wild Orange and Past Tense).  I was also diffusing oils each day to help in our recovery.

• Day seven – the kids went back to school and I worked half a day (from home). I was feeling great but didn’t want to overdo it and set myself back so did what I could and rested when I needed to rest.

• Day eight – I woke up feeling great and worked a full day (from home). I cooked the family dinner and had somewhat of a normal day. I didn’t nap at all but started to feel exhausted by 7 pm.

• Day nine and ten – these days were about the same. We received our new dishes in the mail (I love Amazon) so I washed and put all those up.  All day long, I just felt great and felt like I was getting back to my normal self… a new normal.

Each day I applied oils 3-4 times and day by day I felt better and better.  I was truly on the road to recovery.

Stay with me here… I didn’t journal every single day for the past 117 days. I’m almost done with the daily updates…

• Day 12  - I went back to the office for the first time and the walk from my car to my desk was enough to exhaust me. I survived all day but it was difficult and  I was in bed sleeping by 7 pm.

• Day 13 and 14 – these two days were rough. I had a minor setback and was winded, dizzy and weak. I worked from home again both of these days.

• Day 15 – I realized I hadn’t taken my thyroid & hormone medication in a week which explained the dizziness and overall lethargic feeling I was having.

• Day 16 – My 2 week checkup!!  Met with the doctor and he said I was doing great. I was down 24 pounds since my pre-op appointment a week before surgery. He told me that I can begin working out in one more week.  Yesssss!!  This day quickly turned into nightmare soon after my check up, but it didn’t have anything to do with me, it had everything to do with Kiarra and my brother… stay tuned for a blog dedicated to that day.

• Day 17 – 33 – these days were all fairly uneventful in terms of my recovery. Each day got a little easier as I adapted to my new way of life. I graduated from liquids to soft foods - yogurt, applesauce, jello, etc.  And then after a few weeks of that I moved onto pureed foods, scrambled egg, and anything the consistency of a scrambled egg.

Currently, most days my food intake consists of: 

• Breakfast - 1 scrambled egg with 2 slices of mushrooms -OR- 1/2 packet of oatmeal
• Snack - 1/2 Greek Yogurt with 2 drops of doTERRA Wild Orange EO
• Snack - Cheese stick
• Lunch - 2 oz grilled Chicken, 1/4 cup spaghetti squash, Fruit (1 strawberry, 3-5 blackberries, 6 blueberries)
• Snack - 2 oz avocado with 6 rice crackers -OR- 1/2 boiled egg
• Dinner - 2 oz grilled Chicken, 3-4 steamed broccoli

After 12 weeks, I was pretty much able to eat anything I want. I’m not really eating bread, rice or pasta but I can have a couple of bites if I really want to, however I’m making better choices and trying my best to stay away from bad carbs. I’m eating lean meat, protein and veggies mostly. I try to have a little fruit each day and am trying to drink 60 oz of water. Prior to surgery I was drinking 130 oz. of water each day so only drinking 60 now has been a difficult transition.

MAJOR GOAL

Day 93…March 31 - I officially met my first goal. This was huge for me. It brought me to my knees and I was thanking God for this incredible journey. He is always so faithful. I was less than 200 pounds for the first time in 5 years...

Working out

Around day 35, I began working out. I was going to start immediately when my doctor released me to workout but I was busy caring for Kiarra and it was something we wanted to do together so I waited until she was cleared and we began together.

If you follow me on snapchat, you know we’ve been running, using hand weights to do upper and lower body training as well as doing T-25.  Six day a week we are busting our tail either doing cardio or sweating it out with squats or dumbbell presses. On days it’s raining, we do the T-25 indoors.

I was so afraid of injuring myself again while running; I took the first few times very slow and was very careful. I’m still nervous but it feels so good to be out there running again.

Progress

Although my official weigh in days are on Mondays, I weigh myself daily to see how I’m doing from the prior days choices. Some days I’m happy with the number and others I’m not.  I don’t have an end goal in mind as I’m not trying to be a specific weight or size. My goal was to feel better and get healthy and so far I am feeling great.

To date, as of my official weigh in this morning, I’ve lost a total of 78 pounds. I’m down 4-5 sizes and had to buy an entire new wardrobe (thankfully I have an awesome friend who is on a health journey as well and she’s been giving me loads of clothes). 

There are weeks I don’t lose anything, weeks that I’ve gained a few ounces and weeks where I’ll lose a couple of pounds within days. Since last Monday, I lost 4 pounds, but for a couple of weeks prior to that I stayed the same, day after day. It’s all a progress.

Non-scale accomplishments

·         I can cross my legs again!! Around day 30 I realized I can cross my legs.  This may seem small to you but this is a pretty big deal.

·         I can walk up 3 flights of stairs without being winded and feeling like I’m going to die from an asthma attack.

·         I can tie my shoes by bending over or leaning over if I’m sitting down. I could not do this before without popping my foot out to the side or propping it up on something because my stomach was too big to reach down that far.

·         I can play on the floor with Taryn and no longer feel like a whale when I need to stand up.

·         I can play basketball with my son and family. Yesterday, I played basketball outside with the kids for a couple of hours and it was AWESOME!!

That’s all for now!  Thanks for reading.

Journey to Health, Volume I

2 years ago, I set out on a mission.  A final mission to get healthy and take charge of my health and the health of my family.

I first began researching and studying weight loss, hormone imbalance and Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis. I’ve known for years I have a thyroid condition and knew a few of the problems it caused in my body but I never sat down to read about Hashimoto’s and understand exactly what it’s all about and how it affects my day to day.

I’ve struggled with my weight off and on throughout the years but even more so after my hysterectomy.  I don’t have many regrets in life, but having a hysterectomy is definitely one of those things I may not have done if I’d have done my research or knew then what I know now. As I’ve shared before, my Endocrinologist has told me many times “Trina, with the doses of medication you are taking, it’s impossible to lose weight”… as they would try and shove another $300 a month diet pill down my throat.

The more research I did, the more discouraged I got. Not because I couldn’t lose the weight but because doctors push all these medications that have a million side effects. I wasn’t willing to take those expensive and damaging pills that would tear up my liver and cause my heart to palpitate or even worse, stop working.

Let’s back up...

15+ years… I never thought I’d be obese. Although I thought I was soooo fat, I was thin growing up and fairly healthy. I gave up sports before high school because I was too interested in partying but even with that, I didn’t gain a bunch of weight.  Even after having Kiarra, I lost my weight and was back in my clothes within 4 weeks or so.  Same with Jayden.  And then, when he was about 6 months old, I was diagnosed with Thyroid disease.  My weight began yo-yo but it wasn’t anything too drastic at first.

At the time, I wasn’t necessarily ok with being a size 8, 10 or 12, but it was so hard to control.  With my frame and broad shoulders, I can’t be anything smaller than a size 8 anyway so being a 12 (at that time my biggest) wasn’t great but it wasn’t horrible.  Then, out of nowhere, my 12’s no longer fit. Once I was a size 14, I remember being annoyed and thinking I was so huge.  Then one day, I had to move to a size 16 and I was mortified.  I never thought I’d be over 200 pounds, and then I was… I remember thinking I will not gain another pound, and then I did.  When I hit 220 I remember crying and asking myself “what is wrong with me?”  I would lose 20 and gain 30.  Lose 30 and gain 40.  I told myself, I absolutely will not get to 250, and then I was… and then some.   

During that time, a lot had happened. In 2004, my Dad passed away in a car accident. Jeff and I were having marriage problems and I became depressed and suicidal.  This is also when my asthma spiralled out of control and I began taking massive amount of steroids to keep my lungs clear. At this time, my thyroid was pretty much under control; well it was until I began gaining weight from the steroids. Jeff and I began going to church again and I started attending grief counselling. Grief counselling morphed into marriage counselling and we were able to work things out. In 2006 I was pregnant with Taryn and diagnosed with gestational diabetes (I was ONE point over… ONE POINT!!). I met with a nutritionist often and ate the healthiest I’d ever eaten in my life. I finally learned how to eat healthy.  Growing up, we didn’t eat healthy; we were poor and ate a lot of fried food and TV dinners so I never really learned how to eat healthy.  During my pregnancy, I lost weight each month up until the last 3 weeks before delivering her. After having Taryn, I was healthy and losing weight and feeling great… until I had to start steroids again for my asthma.  Every time I took a 20 day supply, I’d gain about 30 pounds. It was awful.  Each year, I’d yo-yo 30-50 pounds at a time.  I was meeting a friend for lunch one day who I hadn’t seen in a year or so and she said to me “I didn’t know which Trina to expect.”  I was puzzled and the look on my face was obvious that I didn’t understand what she saying and she proceeded to say “well I didn’t know if you’d be the curvy Trina or the thin Trina”…  This cut deep!! Why did it even matter?  Is the thin Trina better than the fat Trina or vice versa?

At the beginning of 2007, I contacted a doctor about having the lap band put in place.  At this time, I was about 50-60 pounds overweight (by clinical standards).  Within a few weeks, I had surgery and the lap band was in place. 

I did great on the lap band at first. I followed the rules and lost weight.  If I remember correctly, I lost about 50 pounds in the first 4-6 months.  I started working out a bit and just felt good.  My thyroid levels were good and life was pretty good.  We were attending church regularly and hosting a small group in our home each week.  Things started to get busy at work and I started working insane hours. I was traveling quite a lot and working 80-120 hours a week.  Stress crept in and there went my health. Then, my female health went drastically downhill and I was having surgery every few months for endometriosis.  My doctor suggested I have a hysterectomy and I thought it was my only option.  I was exhausted from working so much and was tired of having the female problems so I agreed to it.  After surgery, my hormones went crazy and I couldn’t get enough ice cream.  Although I had the lap band, liquid were not restricted so I could eat as much ice cream (and Cheetos) as I wanted.  Stress + hormone imbalance + lots of ice cream = major weight gain.  I was back and forth with the doctor to regulate my hormone medication which threw off my thyroid medication.  I was in a downward spiral and I gained 70 pounds in less than 4 months after the hysterectomy.  I had to do something and something fast.

The Lord knows our every need and puts people in our path at the most perfect time, every time.  In August of 2009, Jeff, the kids and I were in New Orleans for the weekend visiting his parents and while there we visited with some awesome friends of ours that had moved there. I hadn’t seen my sweet friend in 6 months or so and knew she had been working out and running but had no idea the transformation that had taken place.  She told me she was doing Body for Life and how great it was for her. I purchased the book when we got home and started it soon after.

The workouts were fun, Kiarra and I did them together, and we always made the best of it. I never thought I’d enjoy running but I loved it.  Running was the best stress reliever, I felt so free when I’d run. Soon, I was in the best shape of my life and felt great.  I continued to work long hours but I almost never skipped running and working out.  My weight continued to yo-yo, but mostly only when I’d take steroids during the fall (gain 20-30, lose 15-20).  Each time I’d gain my thyroid and hormones would get out of whack and I’d have to get them adjusted.

In 2011, I started having major complications with my band. I had recently been laid off from my job (which was a blessing in disguise) and things were a little stressful but nothing that wasn’t manageable.  I got to the point that I couldn’t even swallow my own saliva.  Everything turned to slime and I was super dehydrated and malnourished. X-rays showed the band had slipped which was some of the reason for the problems I was having.  The other, and more major problem, was that I vomited so much during the 4 years I had the band, there was massive swelling around the band and nothing could get through it. This was also soon after my dentist had told me my teeth were starting to look like those of a bulimic as the acid from throwing up so much was starting to ruin my teeth.  As if that wasn’t bad enough, my 4.5 year old daughter started to act like she was choking all the time while we were eating dinner and would say “I have to fro-up Mommy”.   You see, every time I would try to eat, the food would get stuck and I’d have to excuse myself from the table to stick a toothbrush down my throat when I had my head in the toilet.  Gross, I know… but it was my reality, for 4 long years.  In June, I opted to have the band removed.  I couldn’t wait to be healed so I could begin running again.  8 days after surgery I woke up with a 105 fever and felt like I was dying. I had a severe staph infection and felt terrible.  I was extremely weak.  Had I not of gotten to the hospital when I did and then insist they get my surgeon there (that is another entire story), I’m pretty sure I would have died.  I’m convinced I had a guardian angel with me during that time.  They opened me up in the ER, (with no anesthesia or pain medication) and removed the pocket of infection (I’ll spare the details).  They pumped me with 14 different antibiotics (of which I had an allergic reaction to one of them but they were pumping them in so fast, they couldn’t determine which one it was) and admitted me to the hospital.  Recovery was brutal. I couldn’t do anything. No lifting, cooking, cleaning, walking/running, lifting weights, etc.  Absolutely nothing!  Three times a day, a nurse came to our home to change the packing in my abdomen.  It was 6 inches deep and 4 inches wide.  They said it would take months to completely heal, and it did.

In the fall, I started a new job and was able to start running and working out again.  I quickly dropped the 20-ish pounds I gained while recovering.  I was back on track and feeling great.  One morning at work, I squatted at a co-workers desk to chat with her and I felt something in my knee snap. I tore my meniscus and had to have surgery.  Unfortunately, this was another setback and extremely frustrating.  My knee never really heeled, as a matter of fact, it still hurts more now than it did prior to surgery. 

Disclaimer: Please, if you are a lover of either the products I am about to mention, I am in no way judging you for that. We each have our individual goals and views of products. This is my opinion based on my experience and the research I’ve done in the past 2 years.

Between 2012 and 2016 I tried Advocare, Juicing, Isagenix, Shaklee, Plexus, counting calories, low carb/high protein, general eating healthy with light exercise and each time would come out disappointed. They’d work at first and then I’d start experiencing side effects.  Unfortunately I didn’t do enough research on some of them ahead of time. If I knew then-what I know now, I NEVER EVER would have taken the Advocare, Isagenix and Plexus products. So many chemicals  and so so bad for the liver, stomach, heart and brain. And to think I was trying to get other family members to take these things… Ugh, I should have done more research!  In 2015, I had met with a gastric surgeon. He was extremely pushy and wanted me to do the gastric bypass. I was not interested in that major of a surgery. This was during a time that my Moms best friend had just been diagnosed with brain cancer and I was working at a job where our director was a complete slime ball, a chauvinistic pig, a sexual harassing disgusting human being… I was too stressed to have that major of a surgery and was not interested in being pressured into something. Jeff and I discussed it a lot and I always prayed “God willing”.  The timing wasn’t right, the doctor wasn’t right and I never went back to see him.

In those years, we had many other hurdles, good and bad, just as every family has.  From the deaths of good friends and family members, to visitation battles, to moving houses (multiple times), to FBI Investigations, to some situations that would make your jaw drop… they all played a part in the roller coaster I’ve been on. Parts of the roller coaster were extremely exciting and fun and other parts were sad and downright terrifying.  I’m not making excuses, I’m being extremely transparent and sharing my journey.

This isn’t about being skinny. I don’t care about that. I simply want to be healthy to be the best person I can be, for me, my husband my children and future grandchildren.

The Judgement

Let me ask you a question. When you see an overweight person, what is the first thing that goes through your head?   Ponder on that a minute…

Do you know how extremely difficult it is to be overweight?  Overweight people are judged constantly.

You may think “just don’t eat as much” or “get off your butt”… you have NO CLUE.

Do you think overweight people want to be overweight?  Do you think we enjoy it?

The Journey

Two years ago I was introduced to Essential Oils. My initial reaction was rolling my eyes and thinking “year right, oil can help me with that?” I mostly put it off for a year but tinkered around with them here and there. I didn’t take it serious and didn’t think they could help me… until they did. I dove into Natural Solutions last summer and have had no regrets since. I’m not going to get into the details of that now except to say that the products are amazing and I love treating our symptoms with Essential oils and other natural solutions. Finally, something that works without side effects! And not only are they amazing for the specific ailment at the moment, but they are also helping with soooo much more.  I’d love to write more about this but let me get on with my journey…

Again, the Lord puts people in our path for a reason.  Within a couple of weeks, I ran into (or saw pictures of) friends who had recently had a gastric surgery with great results. I ran into one of them and didn’t even recognize her. Not because she was so thin (although she was) but because she had come out of her shell and was so vibrant and happy.  Of these 6 women, only 1 of them was public with having the surgery.  Why is that?  Why do we as women hide things? Why do we walk in these things alone?  Why are we so embarrassed or ashamed to come out publicly with the things we do for ourselves?  Are we embarrassed and ashamed or is our pride in the way?  Are we afraid of judgement?  Why are we, as women, not more empowering of other women who choose to take control of their health (or start a new business, or become a home-school Mom, or choose to be a crunchy Mom (of which I really wish I would have done))? I have an answer to all of those questions but I’ll carry on…

In March of last year I went to see a new Gastric doctor that one of my friends used and highly recommended to me. After receiving is information, I prayed about it, delayed, prayed more and delayed more but time and time again, another person would pop up who had the surgery and I kept feeling the urge to call the doctor to make an appointment.  He was extremely professional and not pushy at all. He had the best bedside manner of any doctor I’ve ever been to (and I’ve been to a lot). He took the time and explained my options to me and sent me with some additional information to think on and pray about.

Because I previously had a gastric surgery, I had additional medical hurdles to cross before the insurance would cover another procedure. Some of these included:

• Scope of my stomach that revealed a hernia and a massive amount of scar tissue.
• Meet with a nutritionist/doctor once a month for six months.
• Psych evaluation.

Although I was beginning to lose weight, it was mentally frustrating to lose so slowly. I’ve always lost fast and gained fast so losing so slow was working my nerves.  Several times when I would go to see the nutritionist, I’d be frustrated that the scale hadn’t moved.  I was following their strict orders but later realized we had a bit of a misunderstanding.  I was replacing one meal a day with a yummy meal shake and then she told me to stick to 600-800 calories.  So, day after day I was drinking my shake for breakfast and sticking to 600-800 calories a day.  I knew, from meeting with a nutritionist when I was pregnant with Taryn, that you have to take in at least 1200 calories a day to lose weight or your body goes into starvation mode but I heard loud and clear when my nutritionist told me to stick to 600-800 so I was being obedient to that. One afternoon when I was meeting with my nutritionist, I expressed my frustration “I just don’t get it, I’m drinking my shake and always eating less than 800 calories a day but I’m still not losing and as a matter of fact, some months I have gained!!”.  She said “wait, what did you say?”  So I told her how she told me to drink the shake and only take in 600-800 calories a day and she stopped me dead in my tracks and said “Trina, I said 600-800 calories per meal!!  You are starving yourself and your body is holding onto everything you are eating…”  Ummmmmm, OOOPS!! Guess I should have went with my gut and cleared that up since I knew that didn’t seem right. Once I started taking in 1500 calories a day, the weight started coming off, thank God because I was seriously about to lose my mind!

In November, I had met all the pre-requisites to have the surgery and the doctor submitted my information to insurance.  At the beginning of December I received the call from the doctor that the insurance has approved my surgery and that I could have it before the end of the year.  WHOA!!  This call brought me to my knees.  Through all the delays, the ups and downs, the hurdles and everything, Jeff and I continues to say “God willing”… and this call was the call I needed to assure me that He was behind this blessing and since it had come to this point, it must be something He wanted me to go through with.  To this point I was really just going through the motions, not so sure it would be approved and definitely not getting my hopes up.

The final hurdle was being on a liquid diet through Christmas and while traveling.  At this point, my husband was the ONLY person who knew of this journey I was on.  We told the kids a few days before our trip and although they all told me I didn’t need to do it, they were supportive and awesome as always.  My Mom was going through a lot at work and I didn’t want her to worry about me but I knew I wouldn’t be able to get through the holiday without telling her something, after all I would be on liquids only and that is just not a normal thing to do over the holidays.

I managed to make it through the holidays on my liquid diet and although it wasn’t easy, I did it.  I prayed a lot.  Those hunger pains were no joke. The smell of the holiday cooking, baking and yummy treats were no joke. I wasn’t myself. I ignored family members so they wouldn’t question me because I wasn’t prepared or ready to answer questions.  I did have one melt down where I didn’t think I could make it but my husband was awesome and prayed me through it.  On our way home from Iowa, I told Jeff that I was having second thoughts about the surgery and wasn’t sure I wanted to go through with it. I had lost 35 pounds on my own (with the help of doTERRA Slim & Sassy) and just managed to go through the holidays on liquids only. That was will power.  Will power I know I didn’t have but only by the grace of God managed to get through those days. If I could be on liquids only during Christmas, certainly I could do this on my own going forward, right!!??  And the best part of the journey so far, I gave up Coke!!  I was extremely reliant on Coke on a daily basis but taking the Slim and Sassy each day completely curved my appetite and I was finally able to give up that addiction. 

I began to pray again, but now my prayers changed. I was confused. I was feeling extremely anxious and not sure what to do. Kiarra had her wisdom teeth out one day before my surgery so that mostly kept my mind occupied the day before but my mind kept wondering to places that were dark and ugly.  I reached out to the ladies in our small group and confided in them and asked them for prayer. One of them was at my house within minutes to pray with me (I have amazing friends).  This sealed the deal and I was going forward with this.

On December 29^th, I arrived at the hospital and had major surgery to aid in my journey of getting healthy, 3 surgeries actually.  I had prepared for this surgery for 9 months so it’s not something I jumped into uneducated (like my previous gastric surgery and tons of diet plans I had tried).  Matter of fact, I had been researching it for 2 years.  The morning of surgery was a bit crazy. It was scheduled for 11:30 am but of course I had to be there a couple of hours early.  We arrived and I was called back immediately. I barely changed into my gown when my doctor came by asking why I didn’t have an IV in yet and that they were ready for me.  UMMM, I’m going to need someone to get my husband from the waiting room for me so I can see him before they wheel me back.  The vein whisperer came by, got my IV in and Jeff barely made it by to say good-bye to me before they wheeled me off. It was all happening so fast but honestly it was great because it was less time for me to have anxiety and question what I was doing.

Surgery was successful. I had a hiatal hernia repaired, a massive amount of scar tissue removed (from all my previous surgeries) and had 2/3 of my stomach removed. I stayed in the hospital overnight and was able to come home the following evening.  My hospital stay wasn’t the greatest, I had a pretty whack nurse but I also had a really awesome one so it balanced out.

I arrived home, moving extremely slow and was extremely blessed that the ladies from our life group had brought my family dinner. Each night for 6 nights they blessed my heart so much by loving on my family and bringing them diner. I was able to drink 1 oz of fluid every 15 minutes. I was drinking protein shakes, water and Gatorade.

For those of you thinking “oh you took the easy way out”… oh I have something to say about that.  Easy?  Easy??  This has hardly been easy.  This entire journey from years ago to now has been difficult. Mentally, physically & emotionally.  It wasn’t easy getting fit and being healthy and then blowing my knee out and gaining weight back that I worked so hard to lose.  It wasn’t easy hearing the doctor tell me I was going to die if I didn’t get my weight under control.  It’s not easy walking into the children’s school and wondering if I’m an embarrassment to them because I’m so over weight.  It was not easy going to the doctor every 3 weeks for 6 months in preparation for the surgery. It wasn’t easy being on liquids for 5 weeks straight, during Christmas I might add, and not able to have a single bite of food…NOT A SINGLE BITE was consumed over the holidays.  It was not easy to cook meals for the family, for 8 weeks, knowing I couldn’t eat any it (during my liquid, pureed and soft food phase).   It has not been easy to walk through this knowing so many people will judge me regardless of my choices. This isn’t a pity party. This is real life and what overweight people struggle with.  Thankfully, I don’t rely on the validation of others to get me through this life. Although people’s opinions matter to me (more than they should at times), I do care about what my family and friends think but I know my ultimate validation lies in the hands of the Lord and I want to be the best person I can be to live out the life he has set for me. No one has promised us an easy life; no one has it “easy”.  I’m grateful for these difficult times as it’s brought me closer to the Lord and closer to my husband. My strength through this has come from Him and only Him because it’s unexplained any other way.

Since Surgery...

I’ve heard “oh Trina, you look great” “Trina, you look gorgeous”… See, this is the BIGGEST problem with the world we live in.  Few, VERY FEW people would tell me how beautiful I was when I was overweight… so why am I suddenly so beautiful now? I’m the same person, I have the same heart.  True friends love you through thick and thin. My husband has loved me through thick and thin (and thick and thin and thick and thin). My Mom and children have loved me through thick and thin. I have friends who loved me thought thick and thin.  Don’t get me wrong, compliments are nice, it feels good that others recognize the hard work.  Since I was cleared to work out, I have been working my butt off (literally) and it does feel good for people to recognize that. So many things have changed this past year, the way I look at food has changed, the way I look at overall health has changed… and the way I look at obesity has changed.  We are all uniquely beautiful regardless of our outer appearance.

If you’ve managed to read this extremely long blog, thank you.  Thank you for caring enough to read about me, my journey and my walk to a healthier life. I began writing this in September to document my journey prior to surgery but then I hesitated and life happened.  It’s morphed into a lot of words and the pouring out of my heart. I want to leave you with this challenge. Stop being judgmental. When you see someone who is overweight, picture perfect, insecure, feeling down, or happy as can be, give them a compliment and mean it. People are not overweight because they want to be. There are lots of life circumstances that cause obesity and its time we stop looking at it as a sick and disgusting problem and start focusing on the beautiful people we all are.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t encourage obesity. It’s not ok, it’s not how God has designed us to be but he also didn’t design us to be judgmental jerks. LOVE ONE ANOTHER!!

Progress