Since my last post I must have thought of a thousand things that reminded me of my Dad and good times we shared. Although I'm very sad that he isn't here on earth with us, I'm very grateful for the 25 years I had with him. I could go on and on about him, the good times and the bad but for now I'll move onto something else...

October is a beautiful month in Texas. The weather is perfect but the pollen and ragweed is brutal. I'm terribly allergic to many things (155 out of the 165 I was tested for) so everything from animals, to weeds, grass, trees, shrimp...you name it, I'm allergic to it. The good thing is that it typically only affects me in the fall. The first week of the month, my aunt was in town and we went to the Renaissance Festival. It is HUGE, a ton of walking, a ton of food, a ton of people dressed completely inapropriate, and a TON of trees... trees that I'm allergic to of course. We got there around 9:30 am and by noon, I'd sneezed over 50 times. You may wonder why I counted and I know that's silly but I just needed to know how many times a day I sneeze. I stopped counting at 50. This was the first time my kids have been and the first for my aunt and I must say it was a lot of fun despite the fact I couldn't breath. We enjoyed a few shows, munching on all the great food (turkey legs, cheesecake on a stick, kettle corn, etc) and the kids even got their heads chopped off... Pictures to come another time (I need to get them from Mom). All in all, it was a great day. For those of you in Texas, I highly encourage you to go to the Renaissaince Festival. Look real close at the picture of Jeff and Jayden...do you see the guy in the black right behind Jayden?

My aunt comes each year and this year was just as fun as the others. We spent time playing war with our nerf guns, playing cards, Wii games, going to dinner and just hanging out. I really enjoy her coming to visit us each year!
The kids got their report cards a few weeks back and I'm so proud of all of them. All A's for Jayden, A's and 1 B for Kiarra and all A's and B's for Tamia. This week I had a conference with Jayden's teacher and it went great. I walked in his classroom and his teacher (who is the cutest little thing - no wonder he "likes" her) closed the door behind me! I automatically thought "oh shit", but then she put her hands together and said "I LOOOOVE Jayden" and went on and on about what a great kid he is and how blessed she is to have him in her class. It felt really great to hear all these things. I wasn't surprised, he is a great kid and she's called me twice to tell me great things he's done in class and for others. He is quite bored as he finishes his work before everyone in class but he uses that "boredom" or "extra time" to help others instead of doing something stupid and getting in trouble. I'm so proud of him!
Kiarra just had her first Choir concert. They sounded really good! She had a project in school last week where she had to write a song. This wasn't anything new to her as she has written a ton of songs but she asked her teacher if she could sing it to the class. She actually got up and sang the song, with a little choreography, to the whole class. She wasn't scared, she wasn't nervous, she just sang her heart out. She's learned to stand up to mean girls too. Another girl was getting bullied one day and Kiarra told the bully to grow up and get a life! This was the same bully that pinned Kiarra up against her locker one day so it was a big deal for Kiarra to stand up for another girl against this other girl that is 3 years older than her. Yes, the bully should be in 9th grade but has been held back a few times so is only in 6th grade!!! Crazy huh! Anyway, I'm so proud of her for singing in class and doing such a great job in school and everything else!
Taryn....oh my sweet little Taryn... She is something else! If I had to predict the future, I'd say that this is the child that will give us problems. I often say she has Jeff wrapped around her little finger but what I really should say is that she has the whole world wrapped around her little finger. Her personality has really come out lately and her sassy little mouth has landed her in her room (or the corner) to think and a few times has had to get vanilla. That's right, VANILLA. Talking back or lying in my house means a teaspoon of vanilla and it only takes once or twice and it's nipped! Well, it only took once or twice with Kiarra and Jayden.... Anyway, Taryn is such a sweetie and brings so much joy to my heart. Even when she is sassy and disobedient, she is so cute and so sweet! I know that doesn't even make sense but if you know her, you know what I mean... Can you believe that she is going to be 4 in less than 2 weeks!
Nothing much has changed for Jeff and I. I'm going to Canada the week after next and I typically love going to Canada and getting away for a few days but this trip is different. I'm actually going to miss Taryn's birthday and I'm not happy about it! I will remember forever that I was not with her on her 4th birthday. I've tried to mentally prepare for it and not be angry at my boss or anyone else but the reality is that I'm pissed and I think it's crap that I have to miss her birthday! This should be my last trip there so I want to make the best of it but it's going to be hard when I know I'm missing my baby girl!

Missing my Daddy

Tomorrow, October 5 marks the 6th anniversary of Dad going to heaven. I always get into a bit of a funk this time of year and I don’t think it’s unusual but I’m starting to question how many years this will last. In 25 years, will I still get into a funk each October? Will there come a time that this day passes by and I don’t think of it? Would it be wrong to let this day go by and not be sad? I’m torn! I don’t want to be miserable but I don’t want to forget about it either. Everyone tells me to remember the good times and I do, that doesn’t make it easier, it actually may make it more difficult but I love reminiscing the good times.

My favorite memories with Dad are:
Learning to ride a bike - he was the one in the back yard holding the back of the banana seat and encouraging me to “pedal” and “balance”. Where was he when I needed to learn to ride that 4-wheeler…
Wednesday night Volleyball – Every Wednesday night my parents would play volleyball with all the other old folks. Of course I realize now that they were all younger than what I am now but anyway… We’d always go with them and help set up and play basketball or volleyball while everyone was arriving. Teige and Talan would usually end up leaving and I’d have to walk home by myself and I’d be soooooo scared. It was only one block (up hill) but that was a long way for someone who was and still is scared of the dark. I hated that walk! One time, after 30 minutes or an hour of them playing, Dad came out of the school to smoke a cigarette and I was still sitting there on the steps. I’m pretty sure he yelled at me to get home but I don’t remember that. What I do remember is him telling me to hop on his back and he gave me a piggy back ride all the way home and made it back in time to play the next game. I wonder if he told my Mom he did that for me…
Shooting pool – I was 10 when my parents divorced and Dad lived in Soldier for the first few years. I would go stay with him on the weekends and my favorite thing to do was to go to the bar to shoot pool and drink Sarsaparilla Root Beer with him. He was pretty good at pool and would try to show me tricks. As I look back, I did love to play pool but what I needed was that one-on-one time with him. Now and then someone would be in there that would catch his attention for a few minutes but 99% of the time it was all about us spending time together. My brothers were off with their friends or sports so it was just the two of us and that time is now so precious to me.
Learning to play sports - since Dad coached my brother’s baseball team when they were younger, he thought he was an old pro and could teach me softball as well. “Elbow up, straighten your back, bend your knees, watch the ball, swing the bat!” I would get so frustrated with him, especially when he would be an umpire during my games and call a strike when I was batting and it would clearly be a ball! He taught me how to shoot a basketball and how to serve the volleyball. He was always there for my games and ready with glove in hand each time I mentioned playing catch.
Learning to drive - Dad was the one who took me to get my permit and let me drive home the same day. Of course I’d been driving around Moorhead for years, either as a little girl sitting on his lap or just straight up illegal to/from the gas station or store. After getting my permit, he’d let me drive everywhere…unless he was pissed at me for skipping school or doing something I shouldn’t of been doing. Everyone in the car had to wear a seatbelt, no excuses. I loved sitting at a stop sign for 20 seconds, he would be so irritated!
My wedding day – I was so grateful that Dad got to walk me down the isle on my wedding day. At the time, that day was very much taken for granted, but as I look back I am so fortunate and thankful he was here for that day. I tear up every time I hear Butterfly Kisses as this was our Father/Daughter dance song. It was so touching to see him cry when he first saw me in my wedding dress and how choked up he got when we were dancing. I’ll never forget he and Mom dancing too. It was a magical night.
Seeing him with my kids – Kiarra was 2 weeks old when I flew to Iowa for the family to see her. I couldn’t wait for Dad to see my blue eyed, black haired baby girl. After Jayden was born, we made the same trip up after just 3 weeks. Kiarra had him wrapped around her little finger in a flash. He loved his grandkids! Each time we made a trip back to Iowa before his passing we all looked forward to “Grandpa Terry” make his appearance at my Grandparents house. He’d be there at the crack of dawn and would never say no to the kids when they asked him to play. He’d be on the floor playing dolls with Kiarra or farm with Jayden. Most often he’d be sitting at the table with coffee at one side and a kid in his lap playing cards. If they wanted to go to the park, he’d take them! If they wanted to play baseball, he’d find a ball and bat and play baseball with them. He always did what they wanted to do. It didn’t matter what sports game was on or what the adults were gossiping about, he took time to play with them and they remember that! I regret that Taryn wasn’t able to meet her “Grampy” as she calls him.
It saddens me deeply that he won’t physically be here to see his Grandkids graduate from high school or college, get married, or meet his great grandkids but one thing is for sure… We serve a great God and I know that one day I’ll see my Daddy again. He has been watching over us for 6 years and since that night, that night that took his life, my life is truly better. I’m not happy that he’s not here with us but through his death there is life. I found God and through worshiping Him, my marriage got stronger, my parenting improved and Jeff and I were able to lead our kids to Christ!! It doesn’t get any better than that! Our entire outlook on life changed for the better. I miss my Dad more than words can express but I know we'll dance again to butterfly kisses...