Goodbye 2018, Hello 2019!!

I’ve always been an open book, especially in my blog, however so many things in 2018 were things I didn’t share publicly. I’ve never been one to share everything about every day of my life through Facebook or other social media posts, but I have always been quite open here. That said, I’m more reserved these days in my writing as the kids are older now and I want to respect their privacy.

As you already know, 2018 started out emotional as Kiarra moved to Dallas to attend CFNI. Her moving away was hard on me, it was hard on all of us. I always knew it would be hard and that I’d be sad, but I never thought I’d be the parent that would basically fall apart and struggle to breathe. She was only 4 hours away, yet it felt like a million. Each time she’d come home and then leave again, I felt a part of my heart breaking and aching.  I was (and still am) so proud of her and her obedience to the Lord for following the direction He laid out for her. She is learning more about Him and growing into an independent young lady right before my eyes.

Jayden had an exciting start to the year, he got his drivers license!!  There is something wonderful about having children who can drive. His Grandfather was generous and gave him his Toyota 4 Runner and so he lucked out with not having to pay for his own vehicle. Soon after, he started driving to school and having more independence. From what I’ve seen and heard, he’s a good driver. 

Taryn started dancing again and it’s almost like she never missed a day, let alone years. She is such a beautiful dancer. We absolutely love this dance studio.  They only dance to appropriate music and their costumes for recital are modest (and gorgeous).  She did ballet and jazz and had a wonderful teacher (who happened to graduate with Kiarra).  Taryn had a dance recital in May and it was so great. The entire production was well organized and beautifully done. Over the summer she took a couple of dance classes and now she’s doing Jazz, Hip Hop and Contemporary. She just performed in the winter recital.

Our Life Group kicked off again and we welcomed a new family. Jeff and I really enjoy hosting and facilitating this group each Sunday in our home. We have a time of study and we all share a meal together. With Kiarra being away at college we knew it was going to be a bit challenging to sort out what to do with the kids. Thankfully, Jayden and Taryn assured us they’d be able to handle them and they did.  Even if they mostly watched movies or played games, the kids were taken care of and that’s all that matters.

My grandfather passing away in March was tough. He was my last living grandparent and someone I greatly respected. My husband loved him like he was his own and Grandpa treated Jeff like he was his own Grandson. To sum it up, this is what I shared at the funeral:

Good Morning, For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Trina and I’m Grandpa Duane’s 8^th grandchild and the daughter of Marilyn.

Last night, my cousin Kari shared a lot of great memories with and about Grandpa. Being the youngest of the 9 grandchildren, and so close in age, we were glued at the hip at all family gatherings, the fishing trips to the lake and all the great times at the hotel and we share all the same memories. Instead of sharing all the same memories again, I’d like to share some that my children have had that I’ve been fortunate to witness.

We live in Texas and my children love coming to Iowa. We always stay at Grandpa’s house. Matter of fact, he wouldn’t have it any other way. In the summers my children loved helping their Great Grandpa in the garden and in the winter, they loved helping him scoop snow.  Well, Jayden loved to help, the girls liked to watch and just play in the snow.

They spent hours upon hours sitting at the kitchen table playing Skip-bo, keeping an eye on Grandpa so he wouldn’t play out of turn.

They’d sit and watch his old westerns with him and get the biggest kick out of his reactions like it was the first time he’d seen the episode (and we all know it was likely the 100^th time he’d watched it).

Most days we’d wake up and they’d ask, “where’s Grandpa?” “Oh, he’s out hauling cattle” Mom would say… Or “he’s out mowing for so and so.”  They have seen an incredible work ethic from this man that I am so very fortunate to have as my Grandpa.

Taryn’s favorite memory with him is getting him to smile. In the past few years he didn’t smile as much as he once did, and it was her mission to get him to laugh and smile. She had a way of accomplishing each time.

Jayden’s favorite memory is tilling the garden with Grandpa in preparation for planting his famous corn, tomatoes and radishes.

Kiarra’s favorite memory is playing cards, specifically Skip-bo.

I’m fortunate that my children had the opportunity to know and love their great Grandpa and vice versa. He not only loved them, but he loved my husband.  He accepted him with open arms and we joked that he loved Jeff more than he loved me. Years ago, before his health declined, my husband would have a hot breakfast waiting for him each morning when we’d visit. Jeff would say over and over “I don’t want anything Grandpa”, but Grandpa wasn’t having it. He insisted that Jeff have eggs, bacon, and toast. Grandpa was a very kind and caring man. Selfless and just awesome!  We’ll miss you grandpa.

May was another tough month. Kiarra came home Mother’s Day weekend and poured her heart out to me. She shared with me that she had a large burden on her shoulders and that it was time to make a big decision. This didn’t come easy and certainly wasn’t taken lightly. After 2.5 years of dating Harvey, it was time to end the relationship. There was no fight or falling out. She was being obedient to what she heard in her prayer time. She fought it for months because she didn’t want to do it but the time had come where the burden was so heavy she was no longer herself. She wept… we wept together. These two had talked about marriage and he had already asked us for her hand in marriage. We loved him and his family. This wasn’t only hard on her and then on him, it was hard on all of us. It’s taken faith to get us through this time. There really isn’t a way to understand it, we stand on our trust in the Lord. We stand on His steadfast love for each one of us. We stand on the faith we have in Jesus.  

The school year was over before we knew it and it was SUMMER! My co-worker was going on maternity leave in the middle of June and so I was going to be holding the fort down on my own here in the US. This also meant that if we were going to take a family vacation that we needed to do it immediately.  We settled on making a quick trip to South Padre Island. We had a great time at the beach and out on the water on the excursions we took. We all thought we were going to love snorkeling, but it was not as awesome as we thought it would be.  Other than that, I recommend this place for a quick vacation. We enjoyed the dolphin watching excursion as well as the sunset dinner cruise. We ate super delicious seafood and took advantage of the pool at our condo.

We returned from vacation and Jayden started working as a life guard.  We kept telling him to have the best summer ever and he certainly did. It landed him in some trouble, but he had fun while it lasted.  During these trials, the Lord was really working in us and with the help of our Pastors and friends we walked through some situations. It’s so hard as a parent to know when to show tough love, when to show grace and when to discipline. It’s hard to decide a punishment for a teenager who is, 98.5% of the time, a really great kid.  Do you take their car away?  Phone?  What if they need their phone to work?  Can’t take everything away… or can you?  We did.  We screwed up, we disciplined harshly, sometimes raising our voices and losing control, we showed grace, we loved very tough and sometimes not tough enough. Through it all, I was so very grateful for God’s grace over my mistakes in parenting. I am quick to seek forgiveness when I have wronged someone, especially my husband and children. I’m still learning how to parent these beautiful children that the Lord has blessed us with.  As we go through the ups and downs of life, we need His grace. Just as He gives us grace, we must also give our children grace. They were born sinners. They were sinning before they even knew what a sin was. We all sin. We all must seek forgiveness for our sins and thankfully we are forgiven.

Kiarra was in Dallas most of the summer due to commitments at school. As part of her program, she worked two different camps on campus. One was for little kids during KFN where she got to teach them to bake (which is right up her alley) and the other was with pre-teens where she was one of their counselors.

Tamia had a birthday in July and we asked if we could take her to dinner to celebrate. She said YES! She picked the restaurant and we drove down and had dinner. Although it was just “dinner”, it was so much more than that to us. It was the beginning to the repairing of our relationship with her. We had a great time and really enjoyed hanging out with her and she seemed to really enjoy hanging with us again too.  In August she went off to college and she assured us that she’d be spending thanksgiving with us (and she did).

The girls and I took a trip to Iowa before school started. My Mom and her sisters needed help getting ready for the estate sale and then needed help during the actual sale. Jayden had football so couldn’t go with us. It was a long and exhausting week but so glad we were there to help and be part of it.  On our way home, we dropped Kiarra off in Dallas and we returned just in time for school to start. It was back to setting alarm clocks, busy schedules and late night homework. But it also meant football games, family dinners and structure.

In September Jeff and I went to Utah for the annual doTERRA convention. We hadn’t taken a trip, just the two of us, since our honeymoon. We had a great time and are looking forward to going again this year. We learned an overwhelming amount of information and enjoyed all the presenters and entertainers (especially Hugh Jackman). We heard first hand about all the new oils and products and all the wonderful things doTERRA is doing around the globe. Truly changing the lives of millions.

We hosted Thanksgiving again this year. Jeff’s parents, brother and family, cousin and our friends were all here and we shared a delicious meal. Something very secretive was going and I soon realized Jeff had something up his sleeve.  Behind my back he pulled each person to the side and privately presented them with a Blessing. I had no idea he was doing this. It’s just another reason I love him so much!  Once he was finished, he gathered everyone together and presented a Blessing to Tamia, Kiarra, Jayden, Taryn and then me (best for last - hahaha). It was an incredible evening. Having Tamia here with us for Thanksgiving allowed us to reconnect in a new beautiful way that only God could have orchestrated. And we just spend an incredible 3 days with her and our other children playing games, watching movies and eating. I thank God for those 3 days.

December could be it’s own very long blog post. To sum it up, I’ve been on the struggle bus. Parenting has tested every cell of patience.  I’m not questioning my faith, but I have certainly questioned other things. I’ve questioned my parenting, my discipline, my ability to manage our finances, my friendships, my career, etc. Christmas was heavy this year. It was different, not only was it the first one without Grandpa, but I was carrying so many burdens. I couldn’t shake some of them. It didn’t matter how much I prayed, my brain was a whirlwind of confusion and chaos. I couldn’t even get one prayer out before I was word vomiting a million other prayers and allowing my mind to drift.  Through each prayer, I'd be consumed of other deaths or be reminded of life's happenings. My cousins wife passed away a week prior to Christmas. Our friends from church lost their baby boy just 5 days before Christmas (who have shown more faith than anyone I've ever seen in my entire life after such loss).  A guy I grew up with passed away on Christmas Eve in a tragic car accident.  I knew, without her even saying, that Kiarra was struggling to figure out how to pay for college next semester as she doesn’t have enough to cover the down payment. Jayden has been struggling to make good choices and things with sports have been frustrating. My Mom’s house is under construction and I hate seeing her live like that. I was so grateful that the new toilets and showers were working in the new bathrooms, but the house is just a hot mess. Renovations take time, I get it but I just hate seeing it like that.  Taryn didn’t even want to go to Iowa this year because she didn’t want to have to say goodbye to her Grandma again. Taryn heart has been burdened by some choices of loved ones. She takes things very personal as if someone is intentionally sinning to hurt her and so I had conversations with her about how sin starts at birth and how it’s part of life.  This conversation wrecked me. She simply can’t understand why someone would want to make bad choices, especially when those choices hurt other people.  My niece recently moved out of state and I’m concerned for her.  I don’t share a handful of the long list of burdens for sympathy or even empathy. I share because I, just like many of you, have many burdens on our hands at any given time.  My heart was burdened with so many things I could barely enjoy time with the family. I let the enemy steal my joy. My head was filled with conversations that soon needed to happen with our children, with friends, with other loved ones.  My prayers never stopped, it felt like I was always praying (which isn’t a bad thing).  I don’t for a second doubt that we are on this journey for a reason. I know He has brought us to it and He will bring us through it. I know that He is good and faithful and abundant. I know that He is Lord of all and nothing, and I mean NOTHING, can separate us from his love.  And I also know that these things are small compared to other burdens people are carrying. I don’t think mine are greater than anyone else’s and again, I only share to let someone else know that they are not alone in the gazillion burdens they are carrying. There is hope in Father.

2019 is going to be a big year for our family. I’m excited to grow my relationship with the Lord and grow my business.  I’m ready to take each bump in the road with grace and faith. And I’m really excited for the big milestones in our party of 6.

• Kiarra will be 20 in February, no longer a teenager.
• I will be 40 in May.
• Jayden will be 18 in June.
• Tamia will be 21 in July.
• Jeff and I will celebrate our 20^th anniversary in September.
• Taryn will be 13 in November, another teenager in the house.

I’m ready for 2019!  I’m ready to pray more and worry less.

Journey to Health, Volume VI

2018

2016 vs 2017

What a journey I have been on in my health journey the past couple of years.

I'm  not exactly where I want to be (wherever that is) but I'm certainly happy with how far I've come.  Prior to this summer, I had lost 90 pounds.  This summer was challenging for me, mentally and emotionally.  I'm an emotional eater and when times get tough, I turn to food.  I'm grateful that over the past two years I've trained myself (more often than not) to step away from the sweats during times of stress and turn to my essential oils.  I'm not going to get into that now but will share a bit about my journey from this summer.

I started working from home 4 days a week in June and although this was great (and still is), I quickly realized that I do not get up and move around enough.  When I go into the office, I have a good walk from my car to my office and also to the restroom, kitchen, etc.  When I'm home, the kitchen is only 35 feet from my desk and the restroom is about the same. Some days I would be so busy that I wouldn't leave my desk at all. A typical work day would end for me around 4:00 pm and I'd have less than 300 steps.  When I go to the office, I'd at least have 4,000 steps by the end of my work day (and a lot more if left the building for lunch). I'm not even one that counts steps. I don't have a daily step goal however this data is available to me and so I check it from time to time. During this time, I gained 12 pounds. It crept up fast and I had to do something fast before it got out of hand.  I've always loved running but will make every excuse not to go outside to run. Once I'm out there I'm good, and will run for a long time, but I make a million excuses. Too early, too hot, too cold, too many mosquitoes, too late, too dark, too close to dinner, blah blah blah blah blah...  One day, something clicked and I thought to myself, "I'll just run inside my home"... and so on the days I work from home, I started running. I run for 5 minutes every 90 minutes, starting at my front door and going to my bedroom, then bathroom, back to my room to the widows, out to the family room and into the kitchen, around the island and then into the dining room, around the table and then back into my office and then to the front door. When I first started I was doing 5 laps and the last time I did it, I ran 8 (I've not ran in 2 weeks).  I don't sprint... it's just a jog (I'm not trying to wipe out on our slick wood floors or tile) and I'm certainly not looking to sprain an ankle or knee.  This not only helped me to get some extra steps but it gets me up and moving which leads to extra energy throughout the day. Thankfully I was able to drop most of those extra pounds and am down another 2 this week (that's right, I'm down 2 pounds the week of Christmas).

It's been 2 years today since I had my surgery and I still have no regrets.  I feel great and have more energy than before. I'm no longer embarrassed to walk into Jayden's basketball games or go in public. I no longer feel confined to my home (although I really love my home and still love being home). I have more confidence and actually enjoy shopping for clothes again. I no longer hate every single picture of myself and although I know our self worth has nothing to do with how we look, I very much let it affect my day-to-day life. Women often struggle with insecurities and I was not above that, I greatly struggled in this area.  Something about shedding some pounds and having more energy has also strengthened my relationship with the Lord (maybe it's because I don't need to sleep as much and can spend more time in prayer and communicating with him).  I never really felt unworthy of his love when I was overweight, but yet deep down, I knew he wanted me to take care of myself (the temple) and so I would get down on myself and be harsh as if he didn't love me as much as he would if I would take better care of my self. I know these are lies of the enemy, I knew it then and I know it now but I would still fall for them. Are you in this space? Are you believing the lies of he enemy? If so, I encourage you to reach out to me, reach out to a friend, reach out to someone. It does NOT matter where you are in your health journey, He loves you RIGHT where you are. He shows us grace when we eat too many sugar cookies, he shows us grace when we indulge and overeat, he shows us grace through our trials and tribulations and our stressful days and tough situations. He is a mighty Father and He loves us all so very much!

Jeff has been on a health journey of his own.  I'm super duper proud of him for losing over 50 pounds. He looks great and feels even better. He is still working out multiple times a week and has also picked up running. One day, we will run together, but until then, I will continue to do my little laps in the house and he'll continue to run through the neighborhood.

This health journey we are on is so much more than losing weight. We've had a complete lifestyle transformation in our home. From eating healthier to removing the majority of plastic and replacing it with glass, to removing the extremely toxic non-stick cookware and replacing it with cast iron and stainless steal to removing the plastic utensils and replacing with wood and metal. We've all transformed to a healthier lifestyle. We tossed all the over the counter medications and solely use essential oils (we don't even have Tylenol or Ibuprofen in our home anymore).  Again, there is a time and place for medication. I still go to the doctor every 6 months and get my thyroid and hormones checked. I still take prescription medication for Hashimoto's and my hormone imbalance and although they've lowered my dosage since I've been using oils, I am still under doctor care and will be until I've fully transitioned to oils.  We've replaced all candles with diffusers (which is not only better for you, smells better and is also less expensive) and have changed to a non-toxic laundry soap and hand soap. If you'd like to know more about any of this, please do not hesitate to reach out to me. It's taken me years and many hours of reading and doing research to get to the point I'm at right now and I wouldn't turn back for anything. I am passionate about helping others and would love to help you too.

Wishing you all a very blessed New Year.

xoxo,
Trina

Journey to Health, Volume V

May 2016 -- May 2018

In honor of our anniversary this past weekend, I thought I’d share a quick update on our health journey. 

Together, we have lost 140 pounds… 140 POUNDS!!!

We got our mind right and got to it!  No harmful pills, no special food, no lifelong commitments to expensive programs and supplements loaded with toxins, no pre-packaged flavorless (or disgusting flavor) food… We made a decision to better our health, not for our looks, but for our wellbeing. Does it feel great to look better? Absolutely! But again, and as I’ve said before, it wasn’t about that. It’s not about being a certain size or a certain weight. It’s about feeling our best to be our best for each other, our children, our friends and family, our business and anyone we can serve throughout the rest of our life.

And for those of you who want to throw the “but you had surgery” card. You are right, I did. It was a tool that assisted me in my journey almost 2  years ago.  My mind-set was right long before I had the surgery and it has to remain set in this place forever or I will be right back where I started. The surgery isn’t keeping me from gaining the weight back, my mind is keeping me from it. As I mention in Journey to Health, Volume I, I lost quite  a bit of weight before having the surgery and contemplated cancelling it. I’m thankful I didn’t, as that would have been a lot of wasted money as it was already paid for, it has been a good tool in my journey.

I need to be very clear (as I’ve mentioned in my other Journey to Health posts), I’m not judging you if you’ve chosen to go with a program. They simply are not for me. Before I was educated on toxins and harmful products, I tried them (so many that I lost count). I lost weight, didn’t improve my mind set, and gained it back. Jeff too. Over and over and over again. It’s my opinion that this is how the programs work and unfortunately we’ve seen it time and time again.  That said, I loudly applaud anyone for choosing to take control of their health and wanting to make a change, even if that means using a program. It’s not easy to lose weight and make healthy choices all the time, especially with busy schedules, working full time, other activities, etc. I seriously applaud anyone who makes the decision to change bad habits to form new ones. I love hearing people’s stories and how they came from a dark place from unhealthy habits and have found a renewed love for life because of healthier habits. Being healthier is life changing in itself. When we eat healthy, we have more energy, we sleep better, we are not bitter or angry, we have a more patience during frustrating situations (like losing majority electronics in home from lightning) and a more positive outlook on everything.

Over a year ago, Jeff started a gym in the garage of our home. He initially started training a few high school boys, Jayden, Kiarra and some of her friends. It soon morphed into Jeff’s friends coming, several people from church and then neighbors joined as well. Some nights, he has 12+ people training with him and other nights there may only be 1 additional person… and some nights he works out solo.  He has made a decision to become healthy and I’m so proud of him for his commitment to his health, the health of our family and our friends.  If he sees you, he IS going to talk to you about coming over for workout!!  Run, just run!!  haha, just kidding. Although I’m impressed with his workout habits, I’m more impressed with the changes he’s made to his diet. He is eating more and more vegetables and fewer carbs. We still have traditional spaghetti and other carbs (who can live without carbs anyway) from time to time but he’s choosing to eat less of the bad stuff and more of the good stuff. I changed the way I cook and we are eating out less and less (like hardly ever these days). Since I’m cooking healthier, we are all healthier.  Shhhh, don’t tell Jayden I put broccoli in the last burgers I made with ground turkey (haha, just kidding. Although I wish J would eat more veggies, I don't actually believe in hiding foods from kids (or anyone) to get them to eat them).  Do we still indulge in a chocolate chip cookie, or a scoop of ice cream from time to time, YES, we do, and that is ok! 

I am excited to jump back into working out as well. I was really good about it last year and then fell off the bandwagon during the time of Kiarra graduating high school (as in a year and a half ago).  A friend and I were walking a few times a week this spring (and then it got too hot, we are wusses in the heat) and that not only helped to get in a little exercise, it more importantly helped to de-stress. Simply talking to a friend and sharing burdens (while walking) is very therapeutic.  Since I’ve mostly been working from home all summer, I have not been as active as I normally am and the scale was up a couple of pounds. I’m not happy about this and certainly not proud of it. I literally sit here at my desk, all day long. The kitchen is 15 feet away, the toilet is 15 feet away, I’m just not getting in the steps I used to get when going to the office each day. Walking from my car to my desk in my office is probably 1,000 steps and currently I’m lucky if I have 1,000 steps at the end of my work day. I’m eager to get back into lifting weights (small ones) and running again.  I LOVE running. It’s very therapeutic for me and I always have the best days after I run.

This health journey we are on started years ago. When I was pregnant with Taryn, I learned for the first time what eating healthy looked like. I’ve mentioned before that I growing up we ate fried food, a ton of boxed food loaded with chemicals, frozen meals like they were going out of style and drank tons and tons of soda. I don’t fault my Mom for this, she did everything she could to put food on the table for us. I was (and still am) addicted to sugar. I’ve been reading many books and articles throughout the years about how bad sugar, processed food and chemicals are for us yet I ignored and had the horrible mind set of “we are going to die anyway”. This all changed when I realized I could take control of our health and the toxic load intake for me and my family. Now that we have lowered our toxic load intake from many things in our home (cleaning supplies, laundry soap, hand soap, toothpaste, mouthwash, deodorant, face wash, OTC  medication, removal of candles, etc.), we are all feeling better, breathing better and really are living the best life we can live. Do we have bigger goals and dreams, YES!!  We have many more goals and dreams. We don’t get sick as often as we used to and this is a dream come true of its own. Is this a coincidence?? I think not!  We are using essential oils to not only support our needs to stay healthy but to also restore our health when we are feeling a certain way.  I never ever thought a drop of oil would be so powerful and so life changing. I prayed for years about a healthier lifestyle, trying product after product, program after program. I didn’t even really know I was dreaming and praying for a solution until it came knocking on my door.

I am thrilled to be on this journey and you know what, I am thrilled that Jeff is on it with me. He was super skeptical about oils at first (as was I). He wouldn’t really have anything to do with them until he got the flu (almost 2 years ago). Ha, I’ll show you Mr. flu bug!  I put a protocol together for him and was applying them topically every 3-4 hours, giving him oils in a veggie cap to take internally and diffusing constantly. This type of illness usually takes people down for a week (if not longer), but not in my house. We zapped it!  Poof, be gone!!  Last week when we were in Utah, 5,000 feet above sea level, smokey air from fires blazing nearby and super dry air, Jeff started to feel some sinus pressure and was sneezing every 5 minutes. He was not feeling his best but didn’t want to miss out on the amazing day ahead.  I lubed him up and we started our day. Around 4 pm, he was tired and feeling like he should lay down. He decided to miss the last 2 hours of convention that day and go back to the hotel. I told him exactly what to take and what to apply… When I returned after the day with my brand new convention kit that contained all of the new oils, my friend and I had him try two of the new ones. He went back to bed and we went to the street party.  The next day he was feeling so MUCH better. He wasn’t 100% but he was certainly better. He attended convention with me, as well as our team party.  By the following day, he was 100%.  Had we not of had these amazing oils, we would have resorted to OTC medication, full of junk with more side effects than effectiveness. We love our oils!

We celebrated our 19^th anniversary this past weekend and I’m grateful to have this man by my side.. walking hand in hand and enjoying life together…dreaming about our future and living our life to the fullest.

Sending Her Off To College

Today, my first born, Kiarra starts college. A new journey and an experience that will forever change her life…one that will forever change mine as well. Over the past 2 months, we began accumulating things for her to take to college. The bigger the pile got the more real it became. I’ve been thinking about this moment for 18 years. How will I manage without my side kick? We have done life together for almost 19 years. Have I prepared her for being away? Have I done enough? Taught her enough? Prayed enough? Listened enough? 

Last week, we packed up the cars and drove her to the apartment that will be her home for the next 5 months. I rode with her so we could talk and spend time together yet I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t believe this time had come. How did these years go by so fast? Last year, we thought she’d be here for two more years attending community college but just as I wrote in my blog, When He speaks, we listen, those plans changed. On one hand I was incredibly happy and thrilled for her and on the other I was sad for me, Jeff and the kids. Life as we know it will no longer be the same. We have a lot of fun as a family. We love to play games and be silly, bake, cook and have water fights. She almost always goes to the store with me (literally my side kick) and we just love being weird.  I have faith that life will only get better, be better and I truly know this is where she is meant to be.

We arrived before lunch and check in was a breeze. She got the keys to her place and we stopped by to see if her roommates were there. Unfortunately they were not, but many other girls were around and came out to say hi. She was immediately welcomed with open arms. We went and had lunch and then headed back to her place to unload, unpack to get her settled in. Her roommates were there when we returned and they were so nice and welcoming. They are both a few years older and are in their 2^nd and 3^rd year. Saying I felt a sense of relief is a complete understatement of how I felt. I was overjoyed with how sweet, kind, compassionate and caring these girls were. Kiarra immediately had two big sisters looking out for her best interest.

The girls had to go to work, so we sent Jeff to the store and began unpacking and getting her settled. We really do make a good team, we had most of the stuff done before Jeff returned (we may have asked him to hit up Starbucks while he was out). Making the bed was seriously the hardest thing we had to do (top bunk).We laughed and had a great time getting everything organized. Before he returned from the store, we already had a list of other things she needed.  We finished up and then headed back to the store and then to dinner. I was delaying as much as humanly possible. We took her back to her place, unloaded and unpacked the things we had purchased and we said our good-byes for the night.

I was feeling great. I thought to myself “I can do this, that wasn’t so bad”…

The following morning, we went to her place to finish up. We didn’t have a planned agenda for the day and we didn’t have a set time to leave so I was THRILLED when she said she wanted to go shopping to get some sweaters (quite cold up there right now) and a couple other things she thought of.  YESSS… more of a delay and more time with my girl!!  We hit up a humongous Old Navy and a few other stores close by and then had lunch. 

The day flew by and it quickly became time to say good-bye. I thought I was good. We had a great day, I was feeling a little sad to say good-bye but felt I had it together…

We hugged and laughed and said our good-byes. Jeff hugged her and I felt something in my chest. My heart was pounding…. It started racing and chills ran through my entire body. We walked out without shedding a tear… and then we got to the car. We barely made it out of the parking lot when the tears started rolling. I couldn’t stop them. I thought I was ok. I was not ok. The tears would stop for a moment and I’d think I have it together and then my eyes would just start gushing again. I couldn’t get them under control.  My heart was hurting; at times it felt like daggers were stabbing me. I cried the whole way home, stopping long enough to get in a 30 minute nap.

I knew I would be sad, and I knew I’d cry. I just didn’t know I’d literally feel the heartache I felt that day. Even though I know she is in a great place and is going to flourish and do wonderful things, it doesn’t change the pain I felt in my heart knowing she’s not home each night and not under my roof.

Here we are, a week later and although I’ve had a little melt down each day, the pain in my heart has completely turned to joy and I cherish each text, snapchat, and call I receive from her. Am I still sad? Yes!  Do I miss her? Yes!!  But, I have a sense of peace each time she crosses my mind that reminds me “He’s got this”.  It also helps that her roommates have taken her under their wing began pouring into her on day one. They set goals their first night together, prayed together and have taken her with them to campus events and around the city. I’m grateful to God for these young ladies! Seriously, so grateful and so thankful!

Well I thought  that was the end of my post. I’ve been writing this for weeks, mostly in my head, but finally got it in writing late last week. Then, yesterday morning, one of the members in the band shared a message he received from the Lord. He said “Church, God has been preparing you for 18 years for this moment…” I initially took it as if he was talking to our pastor but as I sat there taking it all in, I’m quite positive that message was directly for Jeff and I. It was exactly what I needed to hear. It’s true, we have been preparing for this moment for 18 years. Was I ready?  No! But we have been fervently preparing her for this moment. From getting her first tooth at 2.5 months old, to walking at 8 months, to her first day of kindergarten, first sleepover, first day of Junior High and High school to her first job, driving and gaining some independence to her last day of high school, we have raised her in the way we want her to go.  Throughout every first, every good day, every bad day and all the days in-between, we have done our best to instill in her the principles we believe to be truth. Have we always been perfect? Nope. Has she made mistakes and departed from our teaching? Yep. Each time we have picked up from where we fell and we have moved forward with God leading our path. We had an extra 5 months with her to prepare her for this next first in her life…her very first day of college, today.  We love you Kiarra!

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him, and he will act. Psalm 37:5

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid. John 14:27

A Letter to My Daughter Before She Goes to College

Well…here we are, just a few days away from taking you to college.  Where have the years gone?? A bittersweet day for sure. For the past 18 years (almost 19), it’s been my job to protect you. The time has come… A brand new chapter in your life, a new experience for you. I’m going to miss you, a lot, but I can’t wait to see what the Lord has in store for you.  You are going to grow deeper in your faith and in your walk with the Lord. You’ll experience new things and meet new friends. You’ll have times of joy and laughter and times of sadness and sorrow. Through each experience; the good, the bad and the ugly, praise Him. Praise HIM!! Praise Him through each happy moment and through each storm. He will hold your hand and guide your path. He’ll wipe your tears in the sad times and will smile with you during the joyous times. He will always be with you.

As I drive away and you feel the sense of independence, there is something I want you to remember. As my firstborn, you had my heart first. My whole heart. I didn’t know I was capable of loving another child because I loved you so much. Independence is a great thing but it can also be scary. Be careful. Guard your heart. Lean not on your own understanding. Don’t be afraid to call and ask us for guidance. Always remember the principles we’ve instilled in you. Make good choices.  Learn from your mistakes. Study hard. Have fun!

When you miss me, and I know you will, call me! Text me!  FaceTime me! (I better see your name come up on my phone a lot!!)  Seriously, anytime of the day or night, if you need anything please do NOT hesitate to reach out to us. You are never too grown or too old to need your Mom. Yes, I said it. Mom. M-O-M, Mom.

I know you have to go, but I have a brilliant idea… sleep in and skip class so you fail and have to move home!!  We can get you your job back at TSA (hee-hee)!!  Although I’m only half joking, I really do want you to succeed. You are an incredibly beautiful young lady with an even more beautiful heart and soul. I’m incredibly proud of you for listening to the Lord and being obedient to His calling for you. You will be blessed by this obedience.

You are a blessing to me, our family, and so many others. I Love You Kiarra!

Medical Emergencies

One year ago, we had quite a scare in our family. In my Journey to Health Volume II blog, I mentioned that on Day 16 I had a great check-up and was ecstatic but then things took a turn for the worse, but it didn’t have anything to do with me and had everything to do with Kiarra and my brother, Talan.

Kiarra had her wisdom teeth removed on December 28, 2016.  She was swollen as one would expect, and we have some pretty hilarious video coverage of that day, but all went well and she was recovering nicely. Once it was time to go back to school, she did and was feeling ok.  She had her two week check-up with the surgeon and everything was good. He said she was healing perfectly and she could resume normal activities.

Just two days later, Friday (the 13^th) morning, she woke up swollen and in major pain. I called the surgeon and sure enough they wanted me to bring her in.  Kiarra was so worried about missing work that she didn’t initially want to go back to the doctor. Once we got there, the doctor had one quick look at her and told me they had to take her into surgery immediately to open her back up and get the infection out.  They whisked her away and the nurse handed me a bunch of paperwork to sign. Because she had eaten yogurt and drank some things earlier that morning, I was basically signing her life away. I signed papers that I wouldn’t sue them if something happened to her while under anaesthesia since she didn’t have an empty stomach. Then, more papers to approve resuscitation if need be… and of course all the regular papers you have to sign when agreeing to surgery. It all happened so fast, I didn’t have time to think, I just signed away. I asked the nurse for reassurance, but they couldn’t give me any (for obvious reasons). With a heavy heart, I went to the waiting room.

I no longer sat down to take a deep breathe and to call Jeff with an update when I got a call from my Mom.  She was sobbing on the other end of the phone and I could barely understand a word she was saying. All I heard was “pray for your brother, he’s not breathing”. And then silence. She was driving through the hills in Iowa and had no service. I was frantically trying to get a hold of her, and just lost it and started sobbing myself. One of the sweet nurses from the surgeon’s office came out to console me, thinking I was upset about Kiarra (which I was, but this wasn’t just about her). I quickly explained that I was ok, and that I wasn’t upset about Kiarra, but something else in regard to a phone call I had just received. 1. She didn’t believe me.  2. I know both situations is what caused my meltdown. 3. I was still moving a bit slow as I was still recovering from surgery as well (and on day 16 of not taking hormone medication... which was a disaster in itself).

I got a hold of Jeff, still crying,  he thinks I’m upset about Kiarra (which I am) but barely got a few words out when my Mom called me back. I had to hang up on him to talk with her…she briefly updated me and said he was now in an ambulance but wasn’t breathing when they got to the ambulance and also had no blood pressure…

I finally got to update Jeff and soon after, Kiarra was finished and the surgeon was ready to talk to me. He said he has been doing this for over 30 years and has never seen an infection this bad and escalate this quickly (remember, he just saw her two days prior to this and everything seemed to be good). He said he has definitely had some cases where infections happened but mostly dry sockets or something minor. He only remembered two other cases that were quite extreme where he had to go back in and open someone up in this emergency type of situation but neither had the infection this bad. He had this look on his face that I’ll never forget. A deep look of concern, almost as if he was scared. It was a look of compassion yet fear.  He had JUST seen her in his office two days ago and she was healing perfectly.  Mind you, I was also internally freaking out about my brother so my mind was all over the place. He told me all the signs to watch for in the case he didn’t get it all out. He told me she was MAJORLY swollen and that it would only get worse within the next few days. He gave me the emergency number to reach him if anything transpired over the weekend.  The nurse gave me additional aftercare instructions and I was able to take her home. When he told me that she was majorly swollen, I was expecting the same amount of swelling that she had after having her wisdom teeth out. I was shocked when I saw her. She was almost unrecognizable. It looked as if she had a softball in her cheek (and she was highly medicated). It immediately brought tears to my eyes (thankfully I had sunglasses on). This trip home was not as fun as the trip two weeks prior. The first trip was full of a very hilarious Kiarra acting like ET while driving a race car and wanting me to slow down so we didn’t get pulled over by the cops (I was only going 2 mph over the speed limit).  This trip was brutal. At first we couldn’t get her in the car, she would not stand up from the wheel chair and was just in so much pain.  More pain than I’ve ever seen her in! She was crying hysterically, confused, mad and again soooo worried about her job. She gave me the same look she gave me as a young child when she’d get those stupid shots… the look of “save me…why are you doing this to me”.  It was awful. I was driving and trying so hard to be strong for her, holding her hand and telling her it was going to be ok but about half way home, I lost it. That was even more confusing for her. Thankfully we don’t live that far, and I was able to get it together. As all this is happening, my phone is blowing up with texts from my family in Iowa either with information on Talan or wanting information on Kiarra.

We got home, Jeff helped me get her settled, get oils applied and then I was able to take a deep breathe.

I called my Mom and she gave me the update… Talan was alive but only after being resuscitated two times. He and my nephew were out and about doing somethings when he began having an asthma attack. My nephew drove him as fast as he could to meet up with an ambulance and when they got to the ambulance, he could not breathe. The ambulance took him to the local hospital and they couldn’t get a blood pressure and began to lose him. They had to resuscitate. This hospital took him to another, larger, hospital in the city where at some point they had to resuscitate again.  Finally, they managed to stabilize and get a ventilator in him. He was in a coma but stable and resting allowing his lungs to heal. His daughter, just 20 years old, was called in to make decisions. My Mom, Teige & Kathy, and my nephews were there as well. I text our life group, our pastors and our amazing prayer warrior friends and we all began to pray for him.

Kiarra didn’t want anyone around her and didn’t want anyone to see her. My heart broke, it was so hard seeing her in so much pain. All you Moms how I’m feeling here, it is extremely hard to see our children in pain. She was taking the pain medication and we were applying oils that support infection and pain but the swelling was just so much. She finally looked at herself and was shocked. She wept. The doctor said it would take weeks for this swelling to go down. Our sweet young pastor came by with dinner for us and prayed with us. Harvey came as well; he held her hand and comforted her. She slept a lot.

It was a very scary 24 hours for both Kiarra and Talan. I received an update on Talan mid-morning and his lungs were stronger and they said they’d remove the ventilator if he continued to improve, praise the LORD. Mid-afternoon, the ventilator was out and he was breathing well, talking and being his typical goofball self. He was still in ICU and was being so ornery that they kept getting into trouble from the nurses for being too loud. He had everyone cracking up.  It wasn’t long and he went from being on the ventilator to being released. Someone who had just been resuscitated twice within the past 24 hours was now free to go home. Mind blowing to me. But, that’s God. He is so good, always!

Kiarra was not doing so well. The swelling was only getting bigger. The pain was unbearable. She had homework and was still so worried about her job. I text her boss and told her she wouldn’t be there for at least week and they were so understanding. That helped ease her mind a bit.  She returned to school, thankfully she had late arrival and early dismissal so she didn’t have to be there all day every day. After a couple of days, the swelling in Kiarra’s face started to go down and she had a full recovery. It took a full 3 months for it go down completely but it did and she’s doing great!

Although we don’t always get along, Talan is an important person in my life and I can’t imagine him not being here. This was a scary situation and I’m so glad they were able to save him and he was able to recover…now if he’d just take care of his asthma daily instead of when he just has flare ups… that’s another blog for another time. :)

Journey to Health, Volume IV

It has been one year today since my surgery and 18 months since I made the final decision to take charge of my life and my health. I have no regrets!! Like I’ve said in my other updates, I have more energy than I’ve had in years. I enjoy going out with my husband and family. I love taking pictures again. I have a new confidence that I didn’t know I could have. I look back at pictures and barely recognize myself, especially since some of them were just last year. There are days it seems like it’s been forever since I started this new journey and yet other days it seems like it’s only been a few months. I lost a part of my identity when I gained so much weight and am so happy to have found me again...  A transformation that has me putting the past right where it belongs. I’m closer to the Lord now that I can hear from Him and follow the path he has set before me instead of hearing the lies of the enemy. It’s a path I have ignored and turned from for so long because I believed the lies and was insecure.

I really am happy with where I am today. Although I’ve plateaued for the past 6 months, I am completely ok with that. I lost a lot of weight in a short amount of time and my body has been adjusting to all the changes (90 pounds in about 6 months). My mind is still adjusting to the changes. When I feel hungry, I sometimes still put more food on my plate than what I can eat. I’m still cautious about eating in front of others, wondering if they are judging me (I’m working hard to overcome this). I have thought about the possibility of stretching out my stomach and becoming obese again and that is terrifying. I have to continue this mind-set of staying healthy because I’m out of options. It really is all about the mind. The pill popping/shake drinking/you must eat our food programs are only temporary and never worked for me. They’d temporarily work but never long term. Matter of fact, I don’t know one person that they’ve worked for long term. As soon as the products and food are stopped, the weight comes creeping back, sometimes fast and furious and sometimes slowly. And don't even get me started with the programs that claim to be all natural but are loaded with artificial ingredients and synthetic garbage. It's an unregulated market and these companies can say anything they want to get you to take their products. It sure would be wonderful if there was a magic pill/program for obesity, but there is not. It really is a mind-set and one that is very hard to maintain. Stress and boredom are the top reasons for weight gain. Who can escape stress?  There are times I don’t feel stressed but know that I am because of everything going on in our life. I’m also very grateful that I have essential oils to combat stress and every other ailment I have, I don’t know where I’d be today with these oils. They really have helped me maintain a clear mind and get to where I am today.  And no, this isn’t a pitch on the oils; I just must give credit where credit is due. I use oils daily for health and wellness and use specific ones on the days I’m stressed, sad or just need a boost in energy. I LOVE my oils! As for boredom, I don't know many people who are bored but from what I read, it's the reason people eat so much so we'll go with that. Thinking about it, I have definitely eaten when I've been bored.

Let me be clear, I’m not pushing surgery. It has helped me in my journey but again it really is a mind-set. I survived Christmas 2016 on liquids only. I didn’t take one bite of real food for weeks and contemplated cancelling it all together. I wouldn’t be where I am today without the change in how I think about food and what I choose to put in my mouth. I don’t always make the right decisions, I let coke slip back into my life and have to consciously decide daily if I want to drink it or not. I LOVE coke, absolutely love it, but also know it’s extremely bad. The sugar alone is just ridiculous (but oh so good). I also know exactly what I need to do to rid myself of the cravings for Coke (one drop of Lemon oil in a shot of water twice a day). I’ve had entirely too many scotch-a-roos and pretzel/rolo/M&M things the past 5 days – TOOO MANY! But, I somehow managed to not gain a single pound during the holiday, actually I'm a pound less today that when we arrived in Iowa 5 days ago. Where I failed with the yummy, chocolaty, caramel pretzel goodness, I made up for it with my meals and ensured healthy veggies and protein were on my plate (and a little bit of jello salad goodness).  

BTW - Have you noticed my husband?? He is down 40 pounds!! He has changed the way he eats and has continued to work out (he heads up a crew of workout peeps at our home 3 times a week). He takes a couple of essential oils each day to help with his appetite and has also changed his mind-set.  He is consciously making really good choices on what he eats. I’m super proud of him.

Our entire family has become healthier since I made the choice to take charge of my health. Kiarra has become vegetarian and I’m so proud of her and the choices she has made to get healthy as well. Now if we can just get Jayden and Taryn to eat a few more veggies....it's a work in progress.

My advice is simple. Research. Research. Research. Google is the most wonderful tool and it's always right at our fingertips, you can find anything and everything out there. There will be lots of information, some good, some bad and of course lots of opinions (just like my opinion above, it's my opinion).  Not everything you read will be accurate, so you have to dig and read the good and the bad and then weigh your options to make the best decision for you and your family. If you are going to use a product, make sure it has undergone 3rd party testing and is truly natural (using one that is full of artificial gunk may help you lose weight but then you are damaging your health in other ways). And please, do not pick a pill or a program because it makes you lose weight the fastest, we all know how those turn out. It's better to make wise eating choices and lose slow than to lose super fast. And yes, I am aware that I lost the second half of my weight super fast. It wasn't good but the alternative for me was far worse. As I've written in my previous blogs about my journey, I researched, spent time with nutritionists and doctors, prayed about it a lot (for years) and made the best choice for me. Once you get your mind-set right, you will be able to accomplish anything you set your mind to!

Just as I said in my last update, if you are suffering with your appearance and/or weight, please reach out to me. I can’t wave a magic wand and fix anything but I will certainly listen, encourage and be a friend you can confide in. 

ps – If you are currently on journey to better health, I am extremely proud of you and will support and cheer you on. Anything anyone does to better their life and their health is something to be very proud of. It’s a big step to take and one I don't take lightly. As women, we need to build each other up and support one another especially when it comes to our health and appearance. It's important to have an accountability partner who you love and trust but who will also be brutally honest with you.

A HUGE thank you to my husband, my children and all my family and friends who have supported me during this time. The countless texts, FB messages, and words of encouragement have been extremely helpful and I greatly appreciate it. 

Journey to Health, Volume III

One year ago, I was meeting with a nutritionist every three weeks as part of my journey to a healthier lifestyle.  If someone would have told me last year that I’d be where I am today, I wouldn’t have believed them. Matter of fact, I likely would have called them a liar and been upset for false hope.  You see, I was told for years by multiple doctors that I’d never lose the weight, and unfortunately I truly believed that.  I never thought I’d be able to be healthy again. I was extremely insecure and believed what they told me. I’ve believed doctors for years, even far before my weight gain.  Even back to when I was 16 years old and they wanted to perform a hysterectomy on me because of all the problems I had with cysts and fibroids. They told me I’d never have children and that I’d have problems the rest of my life.  Well, here I am, 3 beautiful (birth) children later. The more I think about it, the more I despise doctors, the medical field and the FDA. Before you get all crazy on me, hear me out. I get it, doctors are necessary, they save lives and can treat some illness. They repair broken bones and often go above and beyond to help their patients. Keep in mind, I am currently still under the care of several doctors. I am very grateful for SO MANY doctors throughout the years who have performed surgery on my husband, my children and me for broken bones, tumors, gall bladders… the list goes on and on! I am grateful for the doctors/therapists who helped me through a time of grief after my father passed away and for the ones who believed in me that I could one day be healthy again.  I’m also very upset with some doctors who took extreme measures and jumped into surgery when there were alternate options (and no one will convince me that this wasn’t due to having great insurance).  If I only knew then what I know now… J

Where am I today…

I’ve maintained my weight loss over the past 3 months. The scale will fluctuate a pound, or three, every few days but I’ve not lost any significate amount in a couple of months. This is actually good!  I’ve lost a total of 90 pounds. My body has also caught up with the weight loss so although I haven’t been losing weight, I was still losing inches. I am completely comfortable with where I am in my progress. I’d honestly be content if I didn’t lose another pound. Just the fact that I can go outside and play ball with my son, run (jog) a few miles or go up 3 flights of stairs without DYING, I am happy with where I am. I don’t have a specific goal to reach when it comes to my weight, my goal was simply to feel better, have more energy and feel comfortable in my own skin again. And, I do! I’ve gained back some confidence and feel comfortable leaving the house again.

Being overweight for the past five years changed my identity. I hid behind my kids in pictures (and now realize how stupid I look in all of them, hiding behind a kid… as if people really couldn’t see how large I was) and didn’t like social settings unless I was in my own home.  Prior to being overweight I LOVED going out with friends, traveling, going out to eat and taking the kids anywhere they wanted to go (within reason of course).  I have also always loved being home; I just love the comfort of my own home, having friends over for BBQs, Crawfish Boils, Chili cook-offs, or to simply hang out while the children play.  However, when I got to the point of not wanting to leave the house, because of my insecurities of constantly feeling judged I became a prisoner in my own home. It’s not fun. It causes unnecessary anxiety and additional health problems. I know I don’t need the world’s approval of my appearance and I know I don’t need validation from any human. I know who I get my validation from! Have I always? NO! Am I proud of that? Absolutely Not!  I am growing in my relationship with Him just like the next person.  I could go down a deep rabbit hole here... Let's leave it with my new favorite saying... Don’t let your circumstance dictate your future!

If you are suffering with your appearance and/or weight, please reach out to me. I can’t wave a magic wand and fix anything but I will certainly listen, encourage and be a friend who you can confide in.