WHY LORD

This year has been the most challenging year we’ve faced in a while, if not ever, especially the past 6-8 weeks. This blog isn’t the happy “here is an update on my family” blog, it’s more a cry of my heart.  Let me be very clear in that this is NOT to get anyone to feel sorry for me. It’s not a “woe me” message, I am good. I’ve found strength and truth through each of these situations. 

If you are facing trials and troubles right now, read this message with a hopeful heart that you can overcome those trials through the love and truth that Jesus has promised us.  When you are upset, pick up your bible, read some Proverbs and Psalms, google what you are troubled about and find some scripture to meditate on. I’m not perfect, I don’t claim to be, but through these very rough waters we’ve faced the past few months, I wouldn’t be where I am today, with a hopeful heart, without the scriptures I’ve shared below.  Are these the perfect scripture for each of our trials, NOPE, but they spoke to me in my time of pain, anger, grief, fist in the air asking the Lord WHY screaming, “why Lord is this happening?”  Some people say we should never question the Lord, we shouldn’t be mad at Him, but you know what…He can handle it. It’s important that you continue to talk to Him, you continue to meditate on His word and you continue to open your heart to Him and cry out to Him. He CAN handle it.

Growing up, my neighbor Tyci was my very best friend (I still consider her my very best friend). We can go months, sometimes years without talking and yet we can pick up right where we left off.  She was by my side through all of life’s ups and downs. She was there when I needed a shoulder to cry on and was part of all of my happy memories growing up. We were like sisters, she called my Mom “Mom” and I called her Dad “Dad”. We both had our real Mom and Dad but our parents divorced around the same time and we had each other to lean on during that time.  Her Dad, although mostly quiet, was hilarious and so kind to me. I spent a lot of time at their house (and I mean a LOT) and am so grateful for the time they invested in me. In February, Tyci’s Dad Darrell lost his battle with cancer. I felt a piece of my heart break that day. Tyci and her Dad were extremely close, closer than any other Father/Daughter I know.  He was such a kind, loving, generous man. I found myself asking, why Lord?

Psalm 34:18 – The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

In my last post, I mentioned the flooding we were experiencing. It was insane but that was nothing compared to the tragedy that occurred in our community to a friend of ours. On Tuesday morning of that week, I received a call that I’ll never forget. The voice on the other end explained that our friend Natalie and her children were taken from us at the hands of her husband.  No one will ever understand why this happened. Hearts were broken in an instant. Two families and countless friends lost their loved ones to a senseless tragedy. Natalie was so loving, such a great friend to so many and such a beautiful and amazing mother to her children. And those precious children, so young and so beautiful. They all had the most amazing hearts.  Again, I ask Why Lord? Was it really their time to go Lord? Is this how it was supposed to happen?

Psalm 46:1 – God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in times of trouble.

Job 14:5-6 – A man’s days are numbered.  You know the number of his months. He cannot live longer than the time You have set so now look away from him that he may rest, until he has lived the time set for him like a man paid to work.

At the beginning of May, my car (the family car that is only 3 years old) went kaput. I just went over 100,000 miles and sure enough, my transmission went out. I took it to the dealership we always use, Westside Chevrolet and from that moment, the next 10 days were a disaster. To say their customer service was terrible is a complete understatement.  I could go into massive details because I have it all documented but let’s just say it was appalling. We would call to ask for an update and they would say they’d call back in 30 minutes… 24 hours later I would call again for an update. It was ridiculous. At one point, Jeff drove there to get an update because they wouldn’t return calls or answer our calls and they couldn’t find the car (a huge suburban).  When it was finally finished and I went to pick it up, they couldn’t find the keys… It took 4 to find them. It was literally 250 miles over warranty and they refused to pay for it… well, at first they refused. Finally after many conversations and a call to corporate, we finally got them to cover the majority of it.  We got the car back the day before we needed to leave for Iowa.  But again, why Lord? Why am I having to go through all of this? Why is all of this being dumped on us at one time?

Isaiah 41:10 – So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Proverbs 16:3 – Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.

During the time of my car taking a dump on us, we began to discuss trading it.  Since Talan sells Chevy’s we talked with him and had him looking at vehicles for us.  After prayer and discussion we decided not to get a new car... I couldn’t handle the stress of buying a new car at the same time Mom was moving away, especially after the emotional roller coaster we had just been on with the passing of our friends.  Well, that decision only lasted a few days. After reading more about Suburban’s and how they often go to shit after 100k miles, we prayed again and started looking again.  The day my brother was flying down here (to help us move Mom to Iowa) was the day Jeff decided that we should go ahead and trade the car (and by the way, we didn’t even have the car back from the shop at this point).  Soooo I was on the phone with Talan trying to negotiate and find another Suburban or Tahoe on his lot that I liked or one that was close by that was within our budget.  I didn’t want a higher payment but knew that was inevitable since we only had the other one for 3 years.

Talan flew down Tuesday night to help us get Mom moved up to Iowa.  At this point, Mom’s entire team at work still didn’t know she was leaving.  Is that not the craziest thing?  She had verbal approval that she could go but her VP who had given her approval was layed off after making the decision so more people had to get involved.  Mom wasn’t stressed about it at all. She had faith in the Lord that He was going to see it through and He sure did.  On Wednesday, she finally got all the approvals she needed and I finally got my car back!  We packed up the moving truck that evening and they took off early Thursday morning for Ute Iowa.  Thankfully, they were able to make good time and arrived at Grandpa’s that evening.  My nephew Morgan (Teige’s son) was graduating from high school this weekend so we took off Thursday afternoon to head up there. It was all God’s perfect timing that everything worked out the way it did.  We were exhausted and only made it to Oklahoma before finding a hotel. We got up Friday and finished our drive.  We went straight to HH Chevy and traded my car. Everything went as smooth as can be.  We were in and out of there in about 90 minutes (fastest car buying experience I’ve EVER been part of).  Off we went in the new black Suburban (which by the way was the only color I didn’t want but since we were getting such a good “deal” I put my wants aside and went with it).

Proverbs 3:5-6 - Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

We got to Grandpa’s and had our “tradition” of going to eat at AK’s in Ute. Delicious as always!!  But that night when we settled in at the house, I got a text that rocked our world. One of Jayden’s best friends Mom text me and asked me if I’d talk to Jayden. You see, their youngest son had just been diagnosed with leukemia. He is in the 5^th grade.  This family is the sweetest family. When Jayden was down with a pulled muscle, they were at our doorstep with pizzas, cokes and candy within 30 minutes of hearing of Jayden’s injury.  Who does that?  Well, loving and kind people do that! This family has taken Jayden on weekend trips to the lake and is always so kind and so giving.  So again, I ask, why Lord? Why is this fun, loving, kind hearted kid (and family) having go through this? I shared the heart-breaking news with Jayden and we began to pray for this sweet kid, his brother, and his amazing parents. But I still asked, why Lord?

Philippians 4:6-7 – Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

James 1:6 – But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

Saturday morning we chilled and in the afternoon we went to Morgan’s graduation.  I’m so proud of this kid. It was great to catch up with all of the family that came and to see my cousins and their cute little ones.  Sunday was the dreaded day. We unpacked the big moving truck into a storage unit, all went to have lunch and say our good-byes to Mom.  We planned the trip to have a college visit in Oklahoma on our way home so we knew we only had to drive 8 hours before getting to our hotel in Edmond. Saying good-bye was hard but not as hard as I thought it was going to be. I had a sense of calmness come over me; I had chills to my toes. I knew He was giving me strength to keep it together.  I knew the calmness was from my friends and prayer warriors in Texas praying for me and my family. Although I still don’t understand why she wants to move back to that tiny town, I know that this is the plan for her because God set this path and made all these things possible for it to happen.

Matthew 11:29-30 – Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

Sunday night we had a nice dinner at a hibachi grill and then crashed at the hotel. Monday we got up and headed over to Oklahoma Christian University. We had a nice college visit, I will admit that I almost lost it one time just thinking about Kiarra going away to college but I held it together. The campus was really nice, everyone was super sweet. The dorms need some work, they are as old as the college but all it all it was a nice school.  We grabbed some lunch and headed home. On the way home, I logged in to make our house payment and noticed something very odd.  It was double the amount as normal… my first thought was “OH crap, I forgot to make it last month” but I knew there was no way because they would have been calling me. I gave them, what I thought would be a quick, call and our nice family day was suddenly ruined. They began to tell me that our escrow account was screwed up and there wasn’t anything we could do about it but pay it.  I was furious.  Who can afford a double house payment, especially in these economical times?  After being on the phone with them for 2.5 hours, I finally decided I was getting nowhere and would call them back the next day when I have papers in front of me and can talk to someone who is knowledgeable.  The next day, I call and sure enough they majorly screwed up our account when we refinanced last year. Our house payment is doubling for 12 months!  I wouldn’t have just bought a new car with a higher payment had I of known our house payment was going to double for 12 months.  I immediately knew He would work it out for us, He ALWAYS does but again… why Lord?  What are you trying to show us? Am I doing something wrong?

Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Matthew 6:28 - Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?

And then, just two days later, an unthinkable, unimaginable, uncontrollable and uncomprehend-able situation occurred. A great friend of ours, someone we’ve known for 6 years because our sons play basketball together and who is also part of our weekly life group and bible study with my husband, had suffered a brain aneurysm. His wife and I have become close these past 5 months so she text me for prayer that evening as they arrived at the hospital. I was soon at her side as she began to process the reality of what was happening. He was rushed to another hospital and procedures began taking place.  Out of respect for the family, I will not share details but I will say that the events that unfolded during those first 24 hours have rocked my inner core.  Unfortunately, Josh wasn’t able to pull through and went to be with the Lord on Saturday, May 21^st.  It wasn’t the outcome we were praying for and definitely wasn’t the miracle we were all hoping for.  He leaves behind a wife, six children, many family members and friends.  Josh, just 37 years old, was a great man! He loved his family and his family loved him. He loved to serve at the church and would help anytime there was a need. From his 22 year old son in the Navy to his 4 year old princess, to his beautiful wife who is left to pick up the pieces, I ask again…why Lord?

Romans 8:28 – And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

John 10:28-29 - And I give eternal life to them, and they will never perish; and no one will snatch them out of My hand.  My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all; and no one is able to snatch them out of the Fathers hand.

Job 14:5-6 – A man’s days are numbered.  You know the number of his months. He cannot live longer than the time You have set so now look away from him that he may rest, until he has lived the time set for him like a man paid to work

Within 5 weeks, I questioned the Lord more than I have my enter life. All of the things I was dealing with are so unimportant now compared to what my dear friend is going through.  Having to bury her husband and somehow pick-up the pieces and find a new normal… it’s not right, it’s not fair.

Through all of this, I was gently reminded to rely on the Lord for strength and guidance.  I wanted to know WHY these things were happening. I would call friends who are further along in their walk with the Lord to mentor me and help me to see that this is ALL part of His plan.  I submitted prayer requests at church and received beautiful handwritten cards from prayer warriors with scripture to remind me that it’s all part of His plan.

Isaiah 55:8-9 – For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.  As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

James 1:2-4 – Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

So through this nightmare we’ve been living in these past several weeks (I've not listed everything, we've also had lots of other items with the kids, dear friends who moved away, Taryn being bullied to the point of talking about dying, etc....), the Lord has already shown us some positive outcomes through these situations.  Friendships have been restored, at least 5 people have a new chance at life through organ donation, faith in our Lord has been strengthened. More good will come from all these trials and when they do, we must praise Him.

Please keep these families in your prayers.