I’m free…. well almost

There comes a time in life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh, forget the bad, and focus on the good. So---love the people who treat you right and pray for the ones who don’t. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is part of LIFE…getting back up is LIVING!

Yesterday, my life changed. Although I was expecting a change and knew something was coming down the pipes, it didn’t go down the way I planned or thought it would…and that is ok – good in fact! I’m not in control, God is and I’m grateful for my blessings. I (along with many others) was pulled into a conference room and notified that the re-positioning efforts within our group do not include me in the plan. I’ve been laid off! Well, I’m officially still employed and will be for a couple months but I’m sitting at home – not working! This is called garden leave. I still have my laptop and my phone but I basically get paid in full to forward an email here or there to my boss, answer a question here or there and sit here and look for another job. I get to be a full time Stay at Home Wife/Mom for a few months with the benefit of my full salary! Does it get any better than this? On April 3rd, my employment will officially be terminated and I’ll receive my severance. I’m going to be blessed with 5 additional months of full pay! 5 months!!! I feel so blessed.
This is what is going through my head as I write this morning… No more…
Office drama – AMEN
Being bullied – Double AMEN
Running late and getting “the look” - AMEN
Being dumped on and overwhelmed with work - AMEN
60-100 hour work weeks + the Mom duties – Triple AMEN
Getting permission to take time off to take my kids to the doctor - AMEN
Confusion and dealing with corporate politics – AMEN

Of course some of these will be short lived as I plan to work again but for now I’m going to sit here and enjoy my time with my family.

Yesterday was tough. It was hard to see really good hard working people get walked off the trade floor. In this industry, you don’t get to pack your things and leave quietly. We’re notified and immediately walked out of the building. It was hard for me to wrap my head around not taking this personal. Although I’d cleaned my personal files off my computer Monday evening and cleaned off my desk yesterday morning before I got called into the conference room, I was still in shock. My heart aches for my team. A few of them are my dear friends and they now have to pick up the slack. At some point within the next few weeks, or maybe today, I’ll get to the point and think “it’s not my problem” but for now, it upsets me that they are stuck doing my job….or their job…or whoever’s job.

My friend, Penny Franklin, said it best in her blog entry this morning. Everything in her life has changed but GOD REMAINS! I am in no way going through the changes she's had to endure in the past 20 days but one thing stands true – God is in control here and He is constant. God remains!! Thanks Pen for this post. This is exactly what I needed to read first thing this morning.

I'm actually doing ok. There were tears yesterday but today I feel like a new person. I'm ready for this new chapter!

End of 2010

I post this tonight with a heavy heart. As always, I write the blog and have to read and re-read it several times before I actually post it. With our holiday travels and not having internet at Grandpa’s house in Iowa it was postponed. I planned to post it soon after our return on Thursday but the blog and the information in it didn’t matter after we got the call about our dear friend John Franklin and the hunting accident that took his life. My heart goes out to my sweet friend Penny and their 2 precious kids Jordan and JP. John was the Godliest and most faithful man I ever met. My husband referred to him as “the Bible on tap”. He could & would willingly help you through any situation and would talk for hours about the word of God. If we had a question about anything pertaining to the Bible, Church or Christianity in general, John was our go to guy. He was a wealth of knowledge. John, Penny and the kids spent a few days with us a couple months back and I will never forget that weekend. Since their move to New Orleans in 2009 we had the opportunity to visit their church Journey Christian (where John was the lead pastor) on several occasions. It was amazing to see his dream of becoming a lead pastor come true. I will always remember John for “The Way” and for being the positive influence he was to all (specifically men and husbands). RIP John Franklin. We’ll miss you!









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I can hardly believe this will be my last post in 2010. I’m on vacation until January 4th – that is 17 days off!!! Praise God!
Taryn had a dance recital before the holidays and she did great. During her spring recital, she was so scared she wouldn’t come out from behind the curtain. She didn’t have fear this time; she did all her moves and looked adorable.

Kiarra had her winter choir concert as well as singing at Dickens on the Strand. I’m still in denial that she is in Jr. High.
Poor Jayden, he’s not involved in sports or activities yet. Booo!
I finally started my shopping the Tuesday prior to Christmas. We heard there may be bad weather in Iowa and I didn’t want to chance not getting the Santa presents since we told the kids he would find us there. Shopping that day was brutal but it had to be done. We left Wednesday afternoon for Iowa (for the 3rd time this year) and I’m so glad we did. The drive up was one of the fastest we’ve done in a non-emergent situation. Talan and I drove it once in 12 hours and during the time of Dads accident we drove up in about 13 hours. This trip took us 15 and we didn’t speed or drive crazy, we just simply didn’t have any bad weather or traffic.

It snowed and it was perfect. We spent Christmas Eve with the Melby side (which is always a blast) and Christmas Day and the day after with my Moms side of the family (which is also a lot of fun). Tamia was with us the first few days of being there but she had to be home by noon the day after Christmas so we had her on the first flight out Sunday morning. My cousin Ang invited us down one afternoon so the kids could play and go sledding. They all get along so great and had a blast. We even left the older girls to babysit so the adults could go out to dinner. It was great to have adult time with Ang, Chris, Kari and Luis. My aunt Marcia took care of us as always ensuring there was always enough food to eat, drinks to drink and games to play. Even though she had just had surgery on her had, she didn’t let the slow her down. Ryan had Kennedy down one afternoon and it was so cute to see her and Taryn play together.
We couldn’t leave without Jeff getting his steak! We had a great dinner at AK’s in Ute. My Brother Teige, Sister Kathy, Nephew Logan, Aunt Loretta, Uncle Russ and Cousins Andrea, Lucas, Brent and Kelly were able to join us along with Moms Sisters and my Cousin Rozz and her kids. We had a great time. I love my family so much! There are times I wish I lived closer and then I’m there and am glad I’m in the city away from the small town gossipy madness. I literally walked into a gas station and over hear the ladies talking smack about the person who just left who I happen know! Ridiculous J I do regret not getting a chance to get together with friends while there. Sorry friends!!! We ended up cutting the trip short because of freezing rain that was supposedly coming that way. I’m not sure it ever showed up. I thought it would be easier to get together with everyone with Christmas falling on the weekend but it was actually more difficult. Maybe next year…

Last pics of 2009.

Christmas is coming

I'm so excited to announce that we are going home (to Iowa) for Christmas this year!!! This is the first time in 5 years that we'll be there for this holiday and I'm stoked. Taryn has never been to Iowa for Christmas and she is just as excited as the other kids. Since she is the only one that doesn't have a concept of time, she thinks that Christmas is "tomorrow" and that we are going to Grampy's any moment. She has her bags packed... so cute!

I have not started shopping and honestly don't even know what to get the kids this year. I'm struggling to figure out a few things... Do we have Santa come early and celebrate Christmas early, do we ship gifts there and have Santa find us there to let them open Christmas morning, do we wait and have Santa come while we are gone and celebrate after the fact? I just don't know what to do! It makes sense to do it early but I can't imagine the kids not opening gifts from Santa Christmas morning. What to do - what to do...

I have asked each of the kids what they want for Christmas. Jayden said he wants books and more nerf guns, Kiarra wants a cell phone and an iPod, Tamia wants clothes and jewelry and Taryn wants and iPod and a "real" laptop. Why is it that my 4 year old is suddenly more expensive than the older girls!??! Taryn told me she does not want any more babies or books, because she has enough. She is going to be one disappointed little girl come Christmas morning (or whenever we celebrate).

Jayden had a reading benchmark a few weeks back and he passed with a 97% (missing only 1 question). He only needed a 65 to pass and he killed it, we are so proud of him. Yesterday, Kiarra brought home her reading benchmark (that she stressed out about for a week) and she scored a 95% (missing only 2 questions). I think she needed a 75 to pass but regardless she did awesome and we are so proud of her as well. Taryn just moved up to the next room as pre-school. She is such a big girl and so grown!

Thankful

This time of year reminds me of all I’m thankful for. Tomorrow, my family will sit around the breakfast table and we’ll all express what we are thankful for. We get silly answers like “the Wii” or “my dollies” but it’s the ones mentioned that have no $$ value that melt my heart. Last year Kiarra told me she was thankful for being a big sister, Jayden said he was thankful for being loved and having a home, and Taryn said she was thankful for her slippers (I know, materialistic – but still so cute)… Today and always I’m thankful for:

• Freedom of Religion – Can you imagine being forced into a religion that you don’t believe in? I’m so thankful for the opportunity to choose Christianity. The love God has for me and my family (and all of you too) is unfathomable. It’s an honor to serve Him and call Him my hero.
  
• My Husband – He is my love, my rock, my everything.
  
• My Kids – They are my heart, each and every one of them has it.
  
• My Mom – She is the best. She's been there for me through it all! I can’t imagine life without this lady.
  
• Family and friends – What would we do without a great family and set of friends who keep us real? There are too many to count but you know who you are!
  
• Military, Police, Firemen, etc – God bless those who serve our country, fight for our freedom and put their lives on the line to keep us safe.
  
• Teachers – These men and woman are amazing and truly gifted.
  
• Doctors & Nurses - I can’t say enough about this profession. I’m so thankful for our doctors and nurses.

There are countless more but I’ll stop there for now…I’m supposed to be working.

Taryn turned 4!

Wow, my baby girl is 4 years old. How can this be? It seems like yesterday we brought her home from the hospital, so tiny and so cute, our precious baby girl. I am amazed daily by her beauty, cuteness and grace. She is 110% girly girl. I barely remember life without her by my side; she is such a joy each and every day. She is totally into being a mommy right now. I understand this is a natural gift God gives all baby girls; there is just something so sweet about the way she holds and cares for her babies. If I’m not feeling well or one of the kids or Jeff is hurt or sick, she is there by our side to care for us, stroking our face or hair telling us that it’s going to be ok. On the flip side, she is by far the most stubborn of my kids. I hate to brag or sound ridiculous but our kids have typically been good kids, they’re obedient and well mannered, of course they’ve made mistakes but they’ve learned from them. Taryn is different; she challenges us, A LOT, and is whinier than the others (which I can’t stand) and I want to think it’s the third child (or youngest) thing and I know my older brothers would agree the youngest child gets away with more…blah blah blah… I used to argue this point with them but I now agree and understand what they’ve been telling me since I was 14! We would never let Kiarra and Jayden get away with the things Taryn gets away with. Even with the loosened discipline she is still a great kid…besides the fact that she cut her own hair when she “wanted bangs”, and cut her clothes when they “didn’t fit right” and lets not forget the time she spread gum ALL over the stairs… Ahh, the lovely memories.

Since I was going to be out of town for her actual b-day, we had a small celebration for her the weekend prior to her b-day. Mom came over and I made Taryn’s favorite meal, spaghetti, and we let her open the gifts we got her. It was then; right there in our family room that I really realized she is 4! FOUR years old! I’m just blown away at how fast she’s grown up! She was such a big girl when I told her I would be out of town for her b-day. She didn’t cry she acted as if she actually understood. If you’ve talked to me in the past 2 weeks you know how pissed off I was that I had to miss her b-day. I’ve never been away for my kids b-days... NEVER! I will always remember that I wasn’t with her on her 4th b-day… Ugh, this thing called a job!

This past weekend we had her real party and it was wet and cold. I originally scheduled it at the bowling alley but then remembered how much fun we used to have hosting big parties at our house so I quickly changed it. Of course that was before I knew it was going to be raining! It’s actually a good thing a few families didn’t show up because we were out of room in our garage. The rain held off all day...but yup you guessed it, it started drizzling minutes before the party started. It didn’t seem to bother the kids much; they still had a great time jumping and playing in the moonwalk and they enjoyed playing a few other games as well. We had a great group of kids, the majority of our friends have kids the ages of our other kids so there were only a few her age. That didn’t bother her a bit; she can run and hold her own with the older kids!

Happy Birthday Baby Girl! We love you LOTS!!!

Since my last post I must have thought of a thousand things that reminded me of my Dad and good times we shared. Although I'm very sad that he isn't here on earth with us, I'm very grateful for the 25 years I had with him. I could go on and on about him, the good times and the bad but for now I'll move onto something else...

October is a beautiful month in Texas. The weather is perfect but the pollen and ragweed is brutal. I'm terribly allergic to many things (155 out of the 165 I was tested for) so everything from animals, to weeds, grass, trees, shrimp...you name it, I'm allergic to it. The good thing is that it typically only affects me in the fall. The first week of the month, my aunt was in town and we went to the Renaissance Festival. It is HUGE, a ton of walking, a ton of food, a ton of people dressed completely inapropriate, and a TON of trees... trees that I'm allergic to of course. We got there around 9:30 am and by noon, I'd sneezed over 50 times. You may wonder why I counted and I know that's silly but I just needed to know how many times a day I sneeze. I stopped counting at 50. This was the first time my kids have been and the first for my aunt and I must say it was a lot of fun despite the fact I couldn't breath. We enjoyed a few shows, munching on all the great food (turkey legs, cheesecake on a stick, kettle corn, etc) and the kids even got their heads chopped off... Pictures to come another time (I need to get them from Mom). All in all, it was a great day. For those of you in Texas, I highly encourage you to go to the Renaissaince Festival. Look real close at the picture of Jeff and Jayden...do you see the guy in the black right behind Jayden?

My aunt comes each year and this year was just as fun as the others. We spent time playing war with our nerf guns, playing cards, Wii games, going to dinner and just hanging out. I really enjoy her coming to visit us each year!
The kids got their report cards a few weeks back and I'm so proud of all of them. All A's for Jayden, A's and 1 B for Kiarra and all A's and B's for Tamia. This week I had a conference with Jayden's teacher and it went great. I walked in his classroom and his teacher (who is the cutest little thing - no wonder he "likes" her) closed the door behind me! I automatically thought "oh shit", but then she put her hands together and said "I LOOOOVE Jayden" and went on and on about what a great kid he is and how blessed she is to have him in her class. It felt really great to hear all these things. I wasn't surprised, he is a great kid and she's called me twice to tell me great things he's done in class and for others. He is quite bored as he finishes his work before everyone in class but he uses that "boredom" or "extra time" to help others instead of doing something stupid and getting in trouble. I'm so proud of him!
Kiarra just had her first Choir concert. They sounded really good! She had a project in school last week where she had to write a song. This wasn't anything new to her as she has written a ton of songs but she asked her teacher if she could sing it to the class. She actually got up and sang the song, with a little choreography, to the whole class. She wasn't scared, she wasn't nervous, she just sang her heart out. She's learned to stand up to mean girls too. Another girl was getting bullied one day and Kiarra told the bully to grow up and get a life! This was the same bully that pinned Kiarra up against her locker one day so it was a big deal for Kiarra to stand up for another girl against this other girl that is 3 years older than her. Yes, the bully should be in 9th grade but has been held back a few times so is only in 6th grade!!! Crazy huh! Anyway, I'm so proud of her for singing in class and doing such a great job in school and everything else!
Taryn....oh my sweet little Taryn... She is something else! If I had to predict the future, I'd say that this is the child that will give us problems. I often say she has Jeff wrapped around her little finger but what I really should say is that she has the whole world wrapped around her little finger. Her personality has really come out lately and her sassy little mouth has landed her in her room (or the corner) to think and a few times has had to get vanilla. That's right, VANILLA. Talking back or lying in my house means a teaspoon of vanilla and it only takes once or twice and it's nipped! Well, it only took once or twice with Kiarra and Jayden.... Anyway, Taryn is such a sweetie and brings so much joy to my heart. Even when she is sassy and disobedient, she is so cute and so sweet! I know that doesn't even make sense but if you know her, you know what I mean... Can you believe that she is going to be 4 in less than 2 weeks!
Nothing much has changed for Jeff and I. I'm going to Canada the week after next and I typically love going to Canada and getting away for a few days but this trip is different. I'm actually going to miss Taryn's birthday and I'm not happy about it! I will remember forever that I was not with her on her 4th birthday. I've tried to mentally prepare for it and not be angry at my boss or anyone else but the reality is that I'm pissed and I think it's crap that I have to miss her birthday! This should be my last trip there so I want to make the best of it but it's going to be hard when I know I'm missing my baby girl!

Missing my Daddy

Tomorrow, October 5 marks the 6th anniversary of Dad going to heaven. I always get into a bit of a funk this time of year and I don’t think it’s unusual but I’m starting to question how many years this will last. In 25 years, will I still get into a funk each October? Will there come a time that this day passes by and I don’t think of it? Would it be wrong to let this day go by and not be sad? I’m torn! I don’t want to be miserable but I don’t want to forget about it either. Everyone tells me to remember the good times and I do, that doesn’t make it easier, it actually may make it more difficult but I love reminiscing the good times.

My favorite memories with Dad are:
Learning to ride a bike - he was the one in the back yard holding the back of the banana seat and encouraging me to “pedal” and “balance”. Where was he when I needed to learn to ride that 4-wheeler…
Wednesday night Volleyball – Every Wednesday night my parents would play volleyball with all the other old folks. Of course I realize now that they were all younger than what I am now but anyway… We’d always go with them and help set up and play basketball or volleyball while everyone was arriving. Teige and Talan would usually end up leaving and I’d have to walk home by myself and I’d be soooooo scared. It was only one block (up hill) but that was a long way for someone who was and still is scared of the dark. I hated that walk! One time, after 30 minutes or an hour of them playing, Dad came out of the school to smoke a cigarette and I was still sitting there on the steps. I’m pretty sure he yelled at me to get home but I don’t remember that. What I do remember is him telling me to hop on his back and he gave me a piggy back ride all the way home and made it back in time to play the next game. I wonder if he told my Mom he did that for me…
Shooting pool – I was 10 when my parents divorced and Dad lived in Soldier for the first few years. I would go stay with him on the weekends and my favorite thing to do was to go to the bar to shoot pool and drink Sarsaparilla Root Beer with him. He was pretty good at pool and would try to show me tricks. As I look back, I did love to play pool but what I needed was that one-on-one time with him. Now and then someone would be in there that would catch his attention for a few minutes but 99% of the time it was all about us spending time together. My brothers were off with their friends or sports so it was just the two of us and that time is now so precious to me.
Learning to play sports - since Dad coached my brother’s baseball team when they were younger, he thought he was an old pro and could teach me softball as well. “Elbow up, straighten your back, bend your knees, watch the ball, swing the bat!” I would get so frustrated with him, especially when he would be an umpire during my games and call a strike when I was batting and it would clearly be a ball! He taught me how to shoot a basketball and how to serve the volleyball. He was always there for my games and ready with glove in hand each time I mentioned playing catch.
Learning to drive - Dad was the one who took me to get my permit and let me drive home the same day. Of course I’d been driving around Moorhead for years, either as a little girl sitting on his lap or just straight up illegal to/from the gas station or store. After getting my permit, he’d let me drive everywhere…unless he was pissed at me for skipping school or doing something I shouldn’t of been doing. Everyone in the car had to wear a seatbelt, no excuses. I loved sitting at a stop sign for 20 seconds, he would be so irritated!
My wedding day – I was so grateful that Dad got to walk me down the isle on my wedding day. At the time, that day was very much taken for granted, but as I look back I am so fortunate and thankful he was here for that day. I tear up every time I hear Butterfly Kisses as this was our Father/Daughter dance song. It was so touching to see him cry when he first saw me in my wedding dress and how choked up he got when we were dancing. I’ll never forget he and Mom dancing too. It was a magical night.
Seeing him with my kids – Kiarra was 2 weeks old when I flew to Iowa for the family to see her. I couldn’t wait for Dad to see my blue eyed, black haired baby girl. After Jayden was born, we made the same trip up after just 3 weeks. Kiarra had him wrapped around her little finger in a flash. He loved his grandkids! Each time we made a trip back to Iowa before his passing we all looked forward to “Grandpa Terry” make his appearance at my Grandparents house. He’d be there at the crack of dawn and would never say no to the kids when they asked him to play. He’d be on the floor playing dolls with Kiarra or farm with Jayden. Most often he’d be sitting at the table with coffee at one side and a kid in his lap playing cards. If they wanted to go to the park, he’d take them! If they wanted to play baseball, he’d find a ball and bat and play baseball with them. He always did what they wanted to do. It didn’t matter what sports game was on or what the adults were gossiping about, he took time to play with them and they remember that! I regret that Taryn wasn’t able to meet her “Grampy” as she calls him.
It saddens me deeply that he won’t physically be here to see his Grandkids graduate from high school or college, get married, or meet his great grandkids but one thing is for sure… We serve a great God and I know that one day I’ll see my Daddy again. He has been watching over us for 6 years and since that night, that night that took his life, my life is truly better. I’m not happy that he’s not here with us but through his death there is life. I found God and through worshiping Him, my marriage got stronger, my parenting improved and Jeff and I were able to lead our kids to Christ!! It doesn’t get any better than that! Our entire outlook on life changed for the better. I miss my Dad more than words can express but I know we'll dance again to butterfly kisses...